scared im a p for getting with/talking/dating someone two years younger than me. i did it when i was 16. they were 14. i turned 17 then they turned 15 like 20 days after. they were in my friend group at the time and we were friends and we ended up getting drunk. i talk to people older than me, my age, and younger, but my limit is two years. im scared that makes me a p.
Speaking as someone who’s just turned 30 I PROMISE you your taste will grow as you do! I used to think ‘yuk 30 year old men that’s soooo old’ when I was younger and now I’m like ‘silver fox? Yes please!’ If you’re looking for reassurance and an agreement on what’s right and what’s wrong, I’m afraid you won’t get the answer you’re looking for. People have very different ideas to each other and one thing won’t please some and others won’t be pleased by something else. Take it as this, you were a teenager. And you didn’t see any problem at the time because they were a close enough age. No one worried much about that back when we were younger. But culture and the public now are so HARSH and critical and eager to ‘cancel’ each other. That’s one thing I was worried about was ‘cancel’ culture and people saying stuff. But you need to accept it. Accept the anxiety, and move on. You will never get the answer you want so you just have to let the uncertainty wash over you. I really hope this helps and I’m routing for you!
@katieR94 thank you, this did help. i know im not a p, and if others think so over a two year difference I can’t control that lol. and I also can’t control my attraction and I know it will grow as I get older im just worried right now but I shouldn’t bc worrying isn’t gonna get me anywhere. thank you for ur advice.
@co140 Exactly! It’s just ocd. The doubt disorder of chaos! 😂 you’ll be absolutely fine
now im seeing on the internet im a hephebile at most or however u spell it and im scared. im only 18:( i dont want to be a p or any “Phile”
@co653 Promise you love you’re not a p
@idunnowhat2put thank you for this comment. i still worry about this specific thing so it’s nice seeing ur comment.
I’ve talked to a therapist about this because I was sooooo worried. But the honest answer was most teenagers if not ALL have flirted or experimented with people younger than them. And that there was no harm intended as you were teens and it was perfectly normal
@katieR94 does it make me a p? im scared my age range attraction will not grow… for example im worried im gonna be 30 still attracted to 16-18 year olds:(
@katieR94 i see a handful of people saying a two year age difference isn’t an issue, then there’s another handful that says it is. i feel conflicted :(
@katieR94 Can I talk to u
@katieR94 Can I talk to u
@andrea_sam730 Hi
@co653 Sorry it’s js I’ve been struggling so much as well it’s eating me up inside
@andrea_sam730 What’s wrong?
@co653 It’s kinda similar to ur situation:/ but i feel so embarrassed to bring up here 😓
@andrea_sam730 I don’t really have anywhere else to talk about it, you can say it without going into too much Detail if u want? I don’t judge
@co653 Idk it’s so frustrating because with my memory, I feel like it’s getting a lot more worse. There was the specific day where I had somewhat of a thought about a person and I remember thinking that it wasn’t as bad but then a part of me also felt kind of bad but in the moment I didn’t really bother me as much because I thought the person was like 15 and I’m 16 but turns out the person is two years younger than me so now I’m panicking because I don’t know if that talking for me especially because I was OK with it in the moment because I thought they were my age but that thought is just so blurry like I can’t remember anything it’s like I can no longer trust myself enough and all I wanna do is just remember
@co653 And me personally, I’m not OK with like feeling any sort of attraction towards someone who’s even a year younger than me but I don’t know if this was an accidental attraction but I just feel horrible because I can’t remember what that was and I really would like to know cause I feel like I did I feel more at ease but I’m just feeling so guilty because I feel like I deserve to be like locked up
@andrea_sam730 Listen, don’t beat urself up. Honestly I feel like 2 years is fine. My limit is two years younger, though idc abt going older lol. I think honestly anything more than 3 years while being 21 and under is not good, bc that’s a large gap for that age range. I feel like a 23 with a 20 year old is fine, but 20 with 17 is very questionable. Ur good, stop being urself up
@co653 It’s just so hard because the thing is like you know when you’re a teenager, you’re gonna feel all kinds of attraction whether that’s romantically or a sexual attraction people say that’s a very normal for your development I even had someone tell me that straight up but still, it makes me feel like a crappy person like there’s something wrong with me…
@andrea_sam730 Don’t feel like that, u have to just let the thoughts pass. Ur fine. And u can still be attracted to people of all ages, or I guess find someone attractive, u can’t control it, like finding a baby cute. It’s a cute baby, who cares. A toddler, she’s adorable, who cares. Or for example a teenager younger than you “oh she’s pretty, he’s attractive” WHO CARESSS. yk what I mean? thoughts don’t define u. they define u when u act on bad thoughts, key word ACT. ocd makes u look for stuff to be worried about, I’ve had extremely disturbing thoughts and once I just labeled them as thoughts and let them pass, it gets easier to know they don’t define u and especially having ocd it makes the thoughts worse.
@co653 Yes, you are totally correct and I have not acted on any bad thoughts, but the thing is it’s such a worry for me because I don’t know if that talk came for me or if it was intrusive I can’t even remember and that’s so frustrating for me because it’s so blurry I know for sure if I did something that I wasn’t OK with I would remember but in the moment like I said, I thought the guy was around my age at least 15 and I mind you I’m 16 and he’s 14 so then I’m just worried like I don’t remember what kind of feelings I had towards him in that moment :/
@co653 and u found out after the fact that they were younger, and u feeling weird shows it’s not within ur character. don’t let what I said about not being able to control attraction freak you out. it’s not to say ur a creep, or some predator, but putting too much thought into intrusive thoughts can lead to u feeling like that. try telling urself “okay I thought he/she was attractive, I know their age now, I can’t change the fact that they are not ugly, but I know that it doesn’t align with my morals and im going to move on” and if u still get the thoughts, just let them pass.
@andrea_sam730 Even if u thought he was attractive knowing he’s two years younger still is not bad. OCD is warping this into something it’s not. U have to just try and move on, it’s easier said than done, I still have issues with it, but the more you ruminate the worse it gets.
@co653 Ik it’s just so hard cuz I have all kinds of worries because like I said like when you’re a teenager you’re gonna go through like development and sometimes you may have feelings, romantically or even this is so embarrassing to say sexual feelings, so that I worry like what if I was attracted to that person and that way because of the moment I didn’t know I don’t know I just wish I could just go back and remember:/
@co653 Like I did talk to one of my older friend, and she told me like I’m good, and that would not make me a pedophile whatsoever, even if I was attracted to him and like that, she’s basically telling me like there’s a big difference between a teenager liking another teenager compared to one like an adult like a little child would like it still bothers me :(
@andrea_sam730 Ur friend is right, if I give u more reassurance ur gonna keep ruminating. U have to deal with the uncertainty. Ur fineee, im sorry ur going through this though. It will take time. U have to push through the uncomfortable feeling, and sexual feelings r normal. and ocd can cause groinal responses also. U being attracted even if u knew he was two years younger isn’t wrong, but just letting u know ocd has those affects also
yeah nah that’s not being a P especially when your older like 30 and their 28 or something like that that’s not weird it’s not when your older just when you younger it looks worse. ur anything lower then that shit it’s js like alright man woah
I’ve made a post similar to this
Very late but you're not a pedo! 2 years is a perfect age gap you two are at similar or the same maturity level
@Clara_and_ellie Thank u for ur comment
i’m very late too but almost same thing happened to be but a little worse we were 15 and 17 and then i had my bday first. i’m so shocked im even typing this out cause i feel so bad about it. we never dated or anything but i had a crush. i beat myself up about it every day.
@trueblue it’s okay, i honestly will tell u my moral standpoint, i feel like anything 3 years (like actually three years and up) is not good to me and anything past four-five while still being kids is terrible. u kept it under three years, but take this as a lesson ig if it bothers u? I don’t really see anything wrong considering it was under 3 years and also just a crush
CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER When I was younger (like 17/18) I met a girl who went to the same school as me and lived in the same town. She was younger than me. (like 14). I was so stupid to talk to her and become friends with her. I thought she was cute and all. She also liked me (which was very wrong) and right now (a couple years later) I'm ruminating on it. I have the fear of becoming a pedophile and I'm so scared this means that I become one. I used to chat with her, and one time when I drank too much, I told her that she was pretty and stuff. I've so much guilt around it and I feel so freaking bad. Is it normal if I liked a girl around her age that time? I'm so scared because of this, I'll have to go to jail??! I NEVER intended on more than that, she was just cute and nothing more.
So back then when I was 18 I went to Mexico the month after my birthday and I met this dude there who was 14 but turned 15 that same month and we had a thing for a eachother and he did look older and was much taller than me and seemed mature. But now I’m so worried why did I like him or talk to him that way back then. I am now 20 and he’s 17 and I haven’t talked to him at all because I’m in a loving healthy relationship with my bf who is 27. I have a fear of being a pedo and I’m so scared that what happened back then makes me a pedo :((
I posted about this yesterday but I’ve felt sick about it literally all day. I was talking to my friend about a tiktoker I said was hot. They said the person looked too young. I started freaking out because I never thought of that and ended up finding the person’s age. Turns out they are 17. I’m 24. I feel like a monster. My heart has been stuck in my throat for over 24 hours. I keep going back to look at the person’s profile to see if I still think they’re attractive after knowing their age and it’s confusing/scaring me even more because when they wear makeup I feel like they only look a few years younger than me. I had nightmares all night last night. I feel like I’m not a normal person, I’m like one of those people that hit on teens online. I feel so depressed. My gf thinks I’m being ridiculous for worrying so much about this. But I’m 24 YEARS OLD and this person is 17. What is wrong with me? How could I think something like this? I’m scared that what if I didn’t stop thinking they’re attractive. I just want to sleep and cry all day. I hate myself and I feel disgusting. I just don’t know what to do.
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