- Date posted
- 1y
i really just dont know who i am anymore
POCD has made me lose all my self identity, i dont know who i am anymore. Im really tired, when will this horror end.
POCD has made me lose all my self identity, i dont know who i am anymore. Im really tired, when will this horror end.
pocd is truly hell. ocd can make you go crazy. can mess with your thoughts and can fully make you believe you are an abuser or a monster. it is debilitating and it is nothing but horror. i am not scared of the so called place "hell", because i have been through it with pocd. identity crisis. gradual loss of sanity. i just want you to know, you are not the person who your brain tells you are. you are a human being. i know it feels surreal to imagine a reality where you actually realize that your mind actually lies to you and the truth has nothing to do with what it tells/dictates you, you actually feel a bit relieved. my dear friend, your brain and your thoughts do not define who you are and have never defined. you deserve respect and love just because you are here, a human, child of god, carrying a spark of divine in you. you are so very worthy. i recommend following @obsessively_anxious on instagram, her posts make me feel so seen and validated! i see you and i love you my dear friend, and i know the pain, the horror and the terror that your thoughts create in your mind, but i just want you to know that it lies to you and it does not align with the truth.
@queend This genuinely brought tears to my eyes, i needed this. Thank you so much, you are a kind soul. 🥹❤️
I’m going through the same thing. I’m exhausted. But it really has helped me to realise that we need to accept the feelings and float on through. I may have already mentioned but if you’re really struggling try ALI GREYMOND on YouTube. She’s phenomenal and made such a MASSIVE difference in my life. I still struggle a lot with POCD, but I can now leave the house and have a better understanding of myself ☺️ we are all here for you. You can do this xx
Just gonna vent, this never happened to me before during my 20 years alive. Whether it is POCD or not, I have truly lost my sense of self and my innocence. Why of all things did this have to happen. Ive been experiencing more strong groinal responses and mixed feelings of arousal regarding specific thoughts. Its so odd, cause last month none of this happened, it was mainly just anxiety and mental breakdowns. Never did I think I would experience physical sensations as well. Acting on compulsions as well left me feeling absolute confusion, Ive stopped doing that but now I get the urge here and there, and Ive learned to sit with the discomfort. All this leaves me with more questions on whether I will truly get through this or not, or if people will understand my situation. On certain days I feel fine, on other days its sheer terror. I blame myself mainly for this all, It is scary as these images, causing both arousal and terror, only result in me feeling like a shell of my former self
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
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