I’m constantly feeling guilty

My brain won’t shut off, when I’m finally feeling better it’ll shove something else in there to make me overthink. When me and my ex broke up we said we’d be friendly, a few days later I was in the pub being told by everyone that he was sleeping with the girl he told me was just a friend. Her ex was also in the pub and it was horrible. I was hurt, upset, angry, I was everything. Being told only a few days after you guys cut contact and have your final goodbye after 3 weeks of trying to do so that he’s sleeping with someone else like it’s not nice. So of course I felt heartbroken and honestly like there was no care for me. As time goes on I have people telling me that yk he lead me on and that I deserve better, that it was disrespectful of both of them to do so and even though the way they went about it yes wasn’t great (her ex had it worse than me by far but that’s another story) he was single and could do what he wants. I’ve said things when it first happened of course I did, but now there’s no hard feelings and I still see him as a dear friend. He unfollowed me on insta today, I unfollowed him on Snapchat it was too hard to see his name, so we’re both trying to move on. But in my head it feels more like he’s saying he hates me and I feel an uncontrollable amour of guilt because he didn’t do anything insanely wrong, like yes he broke up with me because he “couldn’t be with anyone right now” but my hurt is understandable but he’s moving on so like there’s nothing wrong. I can’t seem to be mean, I can’t seem to trust my own emotions and I can’t seem to just do things for myself without feeling insane guilt. If someone hurts me? Nope I can’t be mean they’ve done nothing wrong. If someone does something I don’t like? Nope it’s fine they’re living their life. If I’m upset with something because it makes me just hurt a lil bit? Nope sorry you’re not allowed to feel that. So we ended, he slept with someone else, I was hurt because it was all still fresh, I was angry and now I feel guilty. If I see him in town like yeah I’ll say hi and get on with it, that should be okay right? Do I have to apologise to him? Do I have to make sure we’re okay? I feel like I do!!!!

elliss2

Date posted: 1y

I think it’s totally understandable you’re feeling hurt. Even if he was single. And he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. Of course. But I understand that it might feel like You didn’t mean anything to him. There was a guy at my church, we dated. I ended the dating phase (compulsively, I would say), but we still had much contact. Then all of a sudden he found a girl who was new at our church, she’s super involved and he dated her. They are together ever since, he blatantly pulled through with this, in front of my eyes. That was over a year ago and they will get married soon. Only now I’m realizing I need to change church. He never knew it would hit me so hard, no one expected this. It’s not the same as yours, but I can understand a bit. I resonate with the last things you wrote, like someone hurts you - you‘re not allowed to talk back (or so you think).

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@elliss2 Exactly, it did feel like he didn’t care and that I meant nothing. Thank you for sharing as well I feel like we have been through similar situations even if they aren’t the same the feelings usually are. It’s just I don’t want him to think there’s any bad blood like I wanted us to stay friends, I wanted us to be okay with one another and when I found out everything I was just angry and upset. He unfollowed me on instagram which makes me think we aren’t okay, even though I unfollowed him on Snapchat. So now my brain is going over and o we saying he hates me and there’s bad blood which just freaks me out

elliss2

Date posted: 1y

@stuckonathought @stuckonathought Hi, thank you for sharing as well. I think it’s relatable. And once again, I can understand so do you think it’s a good idea for your mental health/feelings/heart to stay friends with him? Is it good for you? I know how it is to be in those mental in-between-states when you don’t know what’s going, especially when you’re prone to rumination it’s hard to distinguish what is realistic and what not. I believe he unfollowed you because 1) he wants to get distance for himself (for his own feelings) or 2) he wants to distance himself on purpose from you. Whether it’s those two cases (or another one) it’s not your decision, it was his choice he unfollowed you first. You can not change that. I don’t say this to be mean🙏. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m just trying to help, but I also know you didn’t ask for my opinion.

elliss2

Date posted: 1y

Why would you apologize?

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@elliss2 I feel like I have to apologise because I was the one who said I’d be there for him and we’d be friends and unfortunately we don’t follow eachother on anything anymore so we didn’t stick to our word. That I should apologise because I was angry at him doing what he did even though we were single. That it made me upset and still does even though we are single, that I should apologise to him and make sure we’re still like okay with one another. I don’t know why I find it so necessary to do but knowing the one person I fell in love with now no longer sees me as anything hurts a lot

elliss2

Date posted: 1y

@stuckonathought I would just like to ask: What do you expect as the outcome of that conversation/apology? Do you expect your apology will move mountains and he will then see you as girlfriend material again? If yes, you don’t need to apologize. Because with OCD we are prone to apologize without there being a real reason, at least in my opinion. Because he would seek conversation if he wanted to, I think. And what you did is (imo) not sth that would hinder a man to despise it seek conversation. I’m just someone form the internet once again, but I hope it will work out for the best.

elliss2

Date posted: 1y

And I will leave you alone🙈. I’m German and I’m very direct sometimes. I just don’t like when things like this happen to people like you and me.

mariacabrera

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

Worried I am manipulative

Recently me and my ex partner broke up. We met recently and when he asked me how I was I told him I was suicidal and broke down crying. I told him instantly that obviously the break up hasn’t made me suicidal but the ocd that’s come with it has. I felt so bad that a few days ago I messaged him to say sorry for how much I’ve contacted him and for being such a mess. I asked him if he still wanted to be friends and he said we would but now I can’t stop thinking that maybe he’s just saying that because he knows I’ve been suicidal. I just want this all to stop, I don’t know how to stop thinking about all I did wrong and how much harder I’ve made this break up

Dothewalkofl...

Date posted: 17w

I’m obsessing. Wad I a bad friend ?

Basically, My best friends both remained close with my ex. Someone who completely broke me when we broke up. My friends know that. They remained friends with him, pretty close too. It’s always bothered me, even 3 years down the line because it’s something I would NEVER do to them. Ever. My best friend cancelled some plans we had, which was very unlike her. I asked why, she said she’s going on a walk with a friend. I was like fun! What friend? And she didn’t want to say, from that, I knew it was my ex. She then confirmed it to be my ex. It was clear I was annoyed. I’d had a shit day and that topped it off. She then cancelled the plan with him. I felt awful. I said no, just because I’m annoyed please don’t cancel. I said I’m not mad at you, I’m disappointed about the situation and the way things are. She was very understanding and said that she does not blame me for feeling upset about it. I asked her to please not cancel the plans because of me. She said she wanted to move it to another date anyways. Am I a bad friend for feeling annoyed/uncomfortable at the fact both of my best friends are close friends with my ex? It’s been 3 years and it still makes me SO uncomfortable.

Relationship OCD

JayKing030

Date posted: 14w

Over analyzing

I’m overanlazing alot of things. My first post on my profile covers everything but I’m so worried and like nervous reck of what my ex boyfriend could be doing. We are on no contact for almost 3 weeks now which is the longest we’ve ever gone. I’m getting so much into my head like if he already moved on, or if he’s talking with some girl already, or letting a girl hit on him. Or even going back to bad habits. It’s been driving me nuts for the past few days. I’m still mad at him for hurting me mentally but miss him too. I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me, wrong with the way I’m thinking, like I’m not normal for thinking these things. That he’d find me weird I wonder those things and that I check on his profile on instagram, just staring at it, blocking and un blocking him. I worry that maybe he doesn’t think of me anymore. And he just. Doesn’t care. I feel like an older version of him would say I’m being too much, that I’m overthinking to so many extents that even tho we are broken up, he’s single and so am I and I shouldn’t care this much about it. But I do. And I’m sure it’s because I’m still in love with him. Even if I’m mad and upset still.

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I’m constantly feeling guilty

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