Recently been obsessed with the concept of free will. Are we really in control or was everything predetermined? if everything was predetermined then why am I me, why couldn’t I had been someone else who didn’t have all the problems I have.
Maybe you are you because you’re supposed to be the you right now. I think about this often, as well. “Why me? Why do I have to be a human with all these internal problems?! Why specifically with OCD?? What if I’d be better as someone else? Life could be easier, I bet.” And each time I think that, I think, “Well…if that’s the case, I can’t go back now. I’m already this far in. I’ll do what I can, I suppose.” Along with that, who’s to say a different you won’t experience worse than you got now? Regardless, if life is predetermined or free will or heck even both, your main focus is to just…Live. Make good decisions, do things you love, appreciate those who love you, experience, learn, grow, etc. Live. OCD wants answers but it will never be satisfied with answers. It wants you to constantly look for the answer. That’s its fuel. Sit with that uncertainty cause…who actually really knows? Who cares? Live and enjoy.
@EverActiveMind That was really well said thank you. ❤️
People having been asking theses question since the beginning of time
Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.
I’ve been feeling so disconnected lately, like I’m not even living my own life. It’s like I’m being controlled by someone else, and I have no say in what’s happening. It’s hard to put this feeling into words, but it’s like I’m here physically, but mentally, I’m just... not. Every day feels like a struggle. I wake up afraid of what’s coming next, almost like I’m bracing myself for the next bad thing to happen. Sometimes, I don’t even want to get out of bed because it feels pointless, like I’m stuck in this loop of fear and doubt. I keep questioning everything, life, my purpose, my choices, and it’s exhausting. I just want to feel like myself again, to feel like I have control, like I’m really here.
I’ve been struggling a lot with existential OCD lately, but for some reason, I’ve been fixating on the human body. And I can’t stop thinking about how incredible it is. Like, we’ve figured out how our bodies work, down to the smallest cell. We understand every pulse, every beat. We know how the heart—this intricate, delicate thing—keeps us alive without us ever having to ask it to. And if we did ask it to, it wouldn’t respond. It wouldn’t listen to our conscious brain. If your heart is failing, asking it to work wouldn’t do anything. The heart itself is a masterpiece. It’s not just a pump; it's a rhythm, a beat that holds everything together. Four chambers, valves opening and closing with precision, blood flowing in perfect cycles, never missing a beat. It keeps us alive even when we’re not thinking about it, doesn’t need our permission to keep going. It works for us, endlessly, without complaint. It’s kind of wild when you think about it. Our minds might spin out of control, but the body? The body’s got it all figured out, like it’s always working in the background, quietly supporting us. It’s beautiful that way—how the heart just keeps beating, how we keep going, even when we forget to appreciate it. The most wonderful part, we can be us. I can be a conscious person, while my body is almost robotic, all to keep my consciousness here. It’s scary sometimes, to think that we have no control. But right now, to me, it’s beautiful.
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