- Username
- hocdgirlsummer
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@ehawkins3345 hey! Its really comforting to hear that he knows. I jusr feel like overall hocd has really damaged my connection with god so much. I remeber being so close to God and talking to him and i genuinely believed in him and knew he was my father. I just miss that and it feels like my brain has been floaded with bad thoughts and evil thoughts and i feel so self centered and i feel so mean and so careless about things i used to care about. I ask god everyh night to understand why im like to understand why i cant do better even tho i want to. Im scared that i want to do better but im too lazy to actually act on it and that i just postpone me really listening to his word and reading the bible. I want to feel his love and true words deeply again and i dont want to hear it and not feel anything. I cant stand that i csnt feel true and genuine feelings like love and gods Word. I have such a big wall around my soul that makes my life so empty and boring basically. I want to break it down but the more Time i spend trying to break it the more it thickens. Thank you for commenting because your words really were comforting and its so nice to hear from someone who understands me and also is christian! Good luck to you!
All of yall words got me like ?? its soo comforting. @ehawkins3345 thanks for the great tip! I will Try to do that. @AK99 i can relate a lot when unsaid the confusion raises during ocd thats right where Im going trough. I feel like i have to trust in god and not worry to much and know that he got me. I always think that and it calms me but before i know it im back in my old patterns and then i feel so bad again and then i feel Guilty like why cant i for once just stay good or why csnt i at least try. Like try hard instead of giving up after every mental breakdown. When u said that It will bring out a better version of me that honestly gives me hope and motivation for a better future. I cant thank you all enough of taking the time to comment and helping me out!
Hey hun! Your parents sound very accepting. Maybe telling them is a good idea?
Telling your parents might actually be a good idea in this case. I told mine after hiding it for a long time and now I'm actually getting help because of them.
I told my parents about my HOCD before I even knew what it was... My dad walked in on me compulsively taking measurements of my fingers with a ruler (genuinely the weridest compulsion I've had ?) and he knew something was wrong. I was so tired and distressed at the time that I ended up just telling him everything. He laughed at me, actually, because he thought it was ridiculous that I was even worrying about it! But telling my parents was the best thing I could ever have done. They listened to me, and it made me feel relaxed for a moment. And when things got really tough, it was my parents who persuaded me to get help. They didn't understand well at first, especially my dad. But my mum researched OCD without me knowing, and she told me that it made sense. She's been really supportive about it whenever I've needed help. Bottling it up would have made everything so much worse, but just talking to my parents about it made me feel more comfortable at home than before.
Thank youu all! This whole thing has got me feeling sooo dark. Like im genuinely bad and like im acting good it makes every part of me trying to convince myself Im bad and evil. Thanks for commenting! @AB-xoxo, my parents are amazing and they would try and step in my shoes and they would believe it and accept that i have a mental ilness. I dont know why i dont tell them its more like the shame and jts sooo private for me that i dont want to tell them. Like its my battle u know. I dont want to make it their problem and i donr want them to feel bad for me or anyone. I dont want to be seen like the sister or daughter with hocd. I can feel thst they would treat me different and with more love but its like i dont want that because the more they stay normal the more i feel like myself and like everythings okay. Im just also ashamed of telling them. It feels like telling i have a sexuality problem and like i dont know what i am instead of telling them i have hocd even tho they know its a real thing. Thank you for commenting tho and honestly yourn right, it is a good idea. But i just cant step up To them and tell them i dont have the courage.. @AK99 thank you so much for telling me that maybe im not bad. It feels really good because my mind is so drained i just dont know myself anymore. Theres nothinf better than support from people who know what youre going through! Thanks for commenting! You all gave me a virtual hug?
@AK99 that’s beautiful. I hope im able to collect a lot of hope to arm myself with. I hope you are doing good!
@AK99 im 1000% sure u will make it. I wish u succed and luck!
Okay so having a lil anxiety attack right now because the thought of being gay aint scaring me anymore and now i feel like i truuuly am gay and like i have to come out to my parents and like im pressured by myself and not accepting myself and it feels just too real and idkkk its crazy how i can go from okay to this stage again. I feel like i try not to fall in love with woman and im holding myself back but if i truly was gay wouldnt it just liked the same sex earlier in my life. Like it just happens right? So ive never had that but i feel like im blocking myself from likjng woman but jve never liked them in my whole life so idk what im tryna convince myself. I cant lie, This generation is rlly hard on me when it comes to my hocd. Evergwhere around me people are comjng out and it makes it look like being gay is a huge posibility and that i could easily be gay when u look at how many people are gay. That it wouldnt be a weird case like so many girls are lesbian why wouldnt i be. What would make me straight and them gay? The thing is all these questjoms once were never in my head and all the answers were so clear i didnt even had to ask the questions to myself. But why do i now? Makes me feel like im gay because straight ppl would never ask themselves these questions...
Im in a tough spot. I have pocd and ive had hocd i havent been diagnosed by anyone but im positive im right. Im also not trying to type this out for reassurance but i dont know if this is,on top of that i had a disgusting addiction to transgender pornography. It didnt feel good after i watched it but i couldnt stop, i always told myself this is it no more but would always do it again. After This i questioned my sexuality i knew i wasnt attracted to the same sex but why was i watching this then. I really felt the affects of this january this year when one night my mind just kept repeating to me you are a pedophile, this really destroyed me i couldnt sleep and at times almost threw up because of this fear of becoming one. I started remembering moments in my life when i would watch hentai and looking back on it now i could consider it cp even though many people wouldnt to me it still feels like it. I know im not attracted to any of this stuff but i feel so broken and disconnected, i dont feel like i can tell anyone but i feel like i should i just dont know how. Sometimes i get urges to watch transgender porn again to prove that im not a pedo but i dont think any porn is good for anyone. Recently i became a christian and i keep praying that these thoughts will go away, going to church really helped me and theres a girl that i have a crush on there but now that im in isolation and my church isnt on things are really tough. I hope i can get through this time and come out stronger and mentaly better. I hope this is ocd. I am currently doing nofap which i feel is really helping me and im on a very long streak. However i really dont want to watch transgender porn again but i keep feeling like if i do the thoughts will go away. I know i must not give up and fight through these thoughts to become the best possible me. Im sorry about this jumbled up mess but i needed to get this out there to someone.
(I'm sorry for my English but I'm not native speaker) Hey im very stressed so I need to share my story. I think I have hocd for like 2 months. I'm so stressed to go to therapist because l'm scared that he won't be aware of ocd and he won't give me a good resonance in my case i don’t think that in my country it’s know topic. So I wanna ask you what you guys think of it. I'm so scared that I’m lesbian and I'm just in denial. I've never liked girls but l've never had bad feelings about homosexual people, I had lesbian friend and two gay friends and it was always normal for me, but I just always knew that I like boys because l've always had crushes on boys, I enjoyed reading love novels or erotic novels and it was what I knew I want. And I have a very good friend, we even call each other sister because since we met we had a lot in common, we were very comfortable with yourself, we were taking baths in bathtub together talking about boys and we were drinking wine and it was our tradition , we even kissed on party because we played truth or dare with boys and other girls and we never had second thoughts about it I asked even my sister if it’s weird and she said that she also kissed a girl when she was young and she also saw her friend naked.. she said that we all woman so that’s not weird and don’t identify my sexuality (I asked her now when I have this thought not then), it never even bother me because I knew it didn't meant anything in sexual or romantic way to me. But when I told my flat mate because he asked me how close we are because even tho we studying in different towns we still manage to have contact or to meet and I told him that she is like my sister, we know everything about our selves and I said "bro she saw me naked and we even kissed on party, so think she knows me better than anybody else" (we were 16 then and now l'm 20 and never had questioning my sexuality since now) and then he said "it's sound so lesbian, I think you are bi, for sure you are bi" and at first i was like yyy no and it didn't bother me really, but later I had a lot of stress.. final exams, and I don't know why but I was worried about my health so badly because somehow I thought that I have cancer and I felt very sick, I was vomiting from stress I was crying all night but I go to doctor and he said that I just have some problem with period but since then I was very unstable about my mental health and I started to think what if he was right and I stared to obsessing, I couldn't eat and sleep, I was crying for 3 days all the time, even my flat mates were worried and since then I'm so anxious that maybe he was right and my thoughts now tell my that for sure I like this and at the same time when I think about be with woman but not in sexual way but like be with her in relationships at first I think I want it but the Il'm so anxious so I think that's not the thing. But what is worrying me the most that nothing give me joy.. I'm bookworm I loved to read I loved romance novels and now I think I can't read them, I'm procrastinating (and I was always very active and I loved to study) I can't watch my favorite shows because there are homosexual couples and in the past it didn't bother me but now it is. I also wonder..In childhood because of my parents divorced and very bad situation in home (violence and My mom was twice in mental hospital because she had depression) when I was 6 my teacher saw that I had problems with stuttering and i had something like compulsive blinking (?) I was blinking like all the time and back then I was going to child psychologist because I was scared of people and I was reacting with crying and stress when someone were looking at me with anger (or I just thought that person is mad at me)But I thought that I gone through this. Can it have influence on my mental health right now? Please help me. I'm crying even while l'm writing it, I even had thoughts that's it's better to be dead than be lesbian and I'm very stressed because l'm worried that I will never like bovs again. I’m so sick of questioning every single move and tik tok and social media give me also a lot anxiety. Pleas help me.
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