- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@ehawkins3345 hey! Its really comforting to hear that he knows. I jusr feel like overall hocd has really damaged my connection with god so much. I remeber being so close to God and talking to him and i genuinely believed in him and knew he was my father. I just miss that and it feels like my brain has been floaded with bad thoughts and evil thoughts and i feel so self centered and i feel so mean and so careless about things i used to care about. I ask god everyh night to understand why im like to understand why i cant do better even tho i want to. Im scared that i want to do better but im too lazy to actually act on it and that i just postpone me really listening to his word and reading the bible. I want to feel his love and true words deeply again and i dont want to hear it and not feel anything. I cant stand that i csnt feel true and genuine feelings like love and gods Word. I have such a big wall around my soul that makes my life so empty and boring basically. I want to break it down but the more Time i spend trying to break it the more it thickens. Thank you for commenting because your words really were comforting and its so nice to hear from someone who understands me and also is christian! Good luck to you!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
All of yall words got me like ?? its soo comforting. @ehawkins3345 thanks for the great tip! I will Try to do that. @AK99 i can relate a lot when unsaid the confusion raises during ocd thats right where Im going trough. I feel like i have to trust in god and not worry to much and know that he got me. I always think that and it calms me but before i know it im back in my old patterns and then i feel so bad again and then i feel Guilty like why cant i for once just stay good or why csnt i at least try. Like try hard instead of giving up after every mental breakdown. When u said that It will bring out a better version of me that honestly gives me hope and motivation for a better future. I cant thank you all enough of taking the time to comment and helping me out!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hey hun! Your parents sound very accepting. Maybe telling them is a good idea?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Telling your parents might actually be a good idea in this case. I told mine after hiding it for a long time and now I'm actually getting help because of them.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I told my parents about my HOCD before I even knew what it was... My dad walked in on me compulsively taking measurements of my fingers with a ruler (genuinely the weridest compulsion I've had ?) and he knew something was wrong. I was so tired and distressed at the time that I ended up just telling him everything. He laughed at me, actually, because he thought it was ridiculous that I was even worrying about it! But telling my parents was the best thing I could ever have done. They listened to me, and it made me feel relaxed for a moment. And when things got really tough, it was my parents who persuaded me to get help. They didn't understand well at first, especially my dad. But my mum researched OCD without me knowing, and she told me that it made sense. She's been really supportive about it whenever I've needed help. Bottling it up would have made everything so much worse, but just talking to my parents about it made me feel more comfortable at home than before.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank youu all! This whole thing has got me feeling sooo dark. Like im genuinely bad and like im acting good it makes every part of me trying to convince myself Im bad and evil. Thanks for commenting! @AB-xoxo, my parents are amazing and they would try and step in my shoes and they would believe it and accept that i have a mental ilness. I dont know why i dont tell them its more like the shame and jts sooo private for me that i dont want to tell them. Like its my battle u know. I dont want to make it their problem and i donr want them to feel bad for me or anyone. I dont want to be seen like the sister or daughter with hocd. I can feel thst they would treat me different and with more love but its like i dont want that because the more they stay normal the more i feel like myself and like everythings okay. Im just also ashamed of telling them. It feels like telling i have a sexuality problem and like i dont know what i am instead of telling them i have hocd even tho they know its a real thing. Thank you for commenting tho and honestly yourn right, it is a good idea. But i just cant step up To them and tell them i dont have the courage.. @AK99 thank you so much for telling me that maybe im not bad. It feels really good because my mind is so drained i just dont know myself anymore. Theres nothinf better than support from people who know what youre going through! Thanks for commenting! You all gave me a virtual hug?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@AK99 that’s beautiful. I hope im able to collect a lot of hope to arm myself with. I hope you are doing good!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@AK99 im 1000% sure u will make it. I wish u succed and luck!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w ago
I’m so tired of my OCD changing “themes.” And no matter what it changes to, it’s always directed towards a specific person - my mom. My mom and I are very close. I consider her my best friend and we live together. I can share anything with her and she’s very supportive. I’m 32 now, but harm ocd started when I was 15 and she was the main target back then as well. I had a bad flare up this year and the harm thoughts came back, but about a week ago they turned into sexual thoughts. Graphic thoughts and images about incest. These thoughts typically make me feel panic and dread, and just an overall depressed feeling. It has made me uncomfortable to be around my mom, since I can’t even look at her without a sexual thought or image popping up. Even watching a romantic scene in a show, listening a romantic song, etc. My brain wants to put an image of her in my head. Even me fantasizing about a man that I’m attracted to will replace the man with my mom. They just keep popping up. So this of course makes me think I actually want these things, and are actually fantasies. I have started to wonder if I’m in actual denial or that these are my true feelings. I have never been a relationship before due to not having much interest in it plus my mental health issues started as a teen, but someday I would like to get married. But now I’m thinking maybe I’ve never pursued a relationship with someone else because I’m actually in love with my mom and want to be with her, but I can’t so I’m just suppressing my feelings. And I do love my mom, but I question myself is this just platonic or familial love? Also questioning our relationship in general now - is it unhealthy or too dependent? It makes me feel doubt, since I have never really been in love before with someone else so I have nothing to compare it to. Always just crushes or finding a man attractive, and I identify as straight. But I also have not thought of my mom in a sexual way before, so I’m hoping this is just my OCD acting up. Even thinking about a future relationship with a man is making me feel nervous, since I think if I have feelings for my mom, will I ever be able to be in a serious relationship someday? If I’m with someone will I actually just picture her? It makes me feel hopeless, like I can’t help how I feel and what if these things are true? Would I act on them? My brain even made me think, “you want to ask your mom to be in a sexual relationship with you and/or want her to ask you.” I feel like such a pervert for writing that, like a truly disgusting person. I know I don’t want these things to be true, but what if they are and I can’t help how I feel? Again just feel doubt and uncertainty, that I’m in denial, and not to mention just feeling like a very sick individual.
- Date posted
- 19w ago
I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Last year I used and app to talk about my POCD and people called me a pedo and told me to kill myself. It has been months and I had even forgotten about it, but I talked about my mom yesterday and I feel a sense of doom now. Like, I could have lived my life normally, but this happened. I feel overhelmed, and don't know exactly what to do, cuz when I stop to think about it, it is something awful, but I spend months just not caring, I don't know what to do, it was not even close to the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but it still feels terrible, it keeps echoing in my mind, and It won't go away, and yes I know it is OCD, I just want to let It go. And I lied somethings to my mom cuz if I told the whole truth she would be even more heartbroken (I just didn't say what app it was and I said it was recently, and not months ago) And I feel bad, but now I can't go back, but if I told her the whole truth, she would've just broke down. Basically she thinks it was yesterday and in another app, and I told her I just commented on something. But I feel so bad! I don't want to tell the truth to her, but also, I don't know...
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