- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@ehawkins3345 hey! Its really comforting to hear that he knows. I jusr feel like overall hocd has really damaged my connection with god so much. I remeber being so close to God and talking to him and i genuinely believed in him and knew he was my father. I just miss that and it feels like my brain has been floaded with bad thoughts and evil thoughts and i feel so self centered and i feel so mean and so careless about things i used to care about. I ask god everyh night to understand why im like to understand why i cant do better even tho i want to. Im scared that i want to do better but im too lazy to actually act on it and that i just postpone me really listening to his word and reading the bible. I want to feel his love and true words deeply again and i dont want to hear it and not feel anything. I cant stand that i csnt feel true and genuine feelings like love and gods Word. I have such a big wall around my soul that makes my life so empty and boring basically. I want to break it down but the more Time i spend trying to break it the more it thickens. Thank you for commenting because your words really were comforting and its so nice to hear from someone who understands me and also is christian! Good luck to you!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
All of yall words got me like ?? its soo comforting. @ehawkins3345 thanks for the great tip! I will Try to do that. @AK99 i can relate a lot when unsaid the confusion raises during ocd thats right where Im going trough. I feel like i have to trust in god and not worry to much and know that he got me. I always think that and it calms me but before i know it im back in my old patterns and then i feel so bad again and then i feel Guilty like why cant i for once just stay good or why csnt i at least try. Like try hard instead of giving up after every mental breakdown. When u said that It will bring out a better version of me that honestly gives me hope and motivation for a better future. I cant thank you all enough of taking the time to comment and helping me out!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hey hun! Your parents sound very accepting. Maybe telling them is a good idea?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Telling your parents might actually be a good idea in this case. I told mine after hiding it for a long time and now I'm actually getting help because of them.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I told my parents about my HOCD before I even knew what it was... My dad walked in on me compulsively taking measurements of my fingers with a ruler (genuinely the weridest compulsion I've had ?) and he knew something was wrong. I was so tired and distressed at the time that I ended up just telling him everything. He laughed at me, actually, because he thought it was ridiculous that I was even worrying about it! But telling my parents was the best thing I could ever have done. They listened to me, and it made me feel relaxed for a moment. And when things got really tough, it was my parents who persuaded me to get help. They didn't understand well at first, especially my dad. But my mum researched OCD without me knowing, and she told me that it made sense. She's been really supportive about it whenever I've needed help. Bottling it up would have made everything so much worse, but just talking to my parents about it made me feel more comfortable at home than before.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank youu all! This whole thing has got me feeling sooo dark. Like im genuinely bad and like im acting good it makes every part of me trying to convince myself Im bad and evil. Thanks for commenting! @AB-xoxo, my parents are amazing and they would try and step in my shoes and they would believe it and accept that i have a mental ilness. I dont know why i dont tell them its more like the shame and jts sooo private for me that i dont want to tell them. Like its my battle u know. I dont want to make it their problem and i donr want them to feel bad for me or anyone. I dont want to be seen like the sister or daughter with hocd. I can feel thst they would treat me different and with more love but its like i dont want that because the more they stay normal the more i feel like myself and like everythings okay. Im just also ashamed of telling them. It feels like telling i have a sexuality problem and like i dont know what i am instead of telling them i have hocd even tho they know its a real thing. Thank you for commenting tho and honestly yourn right, it is a good idea. But i just cant step up To them and tell them i dont have the courage.. @AK99 thank you so much for telling me that maybe im not bad. It feels really good because my mind is so drained i just dont know myself anymore. Theres nothinf better than support from people who know what youre going through! Thanks for commenting! You all gave me a virtual hug?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@AK99 that’s beautiful. I hope im able to collect a lot of hope to arm myself with. I hope you are doing good!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@AK99 im 1000% sure u will make it. I wish u succed and luck!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w ago
I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....
- Date posted
- 18w ago
Like I'm not even scared I feel numb and ever since that night I've completely went down hill Idk what to do the feeling i felt this time genuily felt like i liked it and i didnt even have anxiety at that moment and now I'm panicking I really hope this is still OCD like I'm sorry if I'm still asking for reassurance but im really worried like it felt good in that moment I don't understand what's going on like I hope it was a false feeling and not something real.....like this has happened before but Idk 😭😭😭😭 I really don't know what to I don't want to turn into a p word I don't this I've been sleeping all day I still do compulsions a little to get rid of the thoughts but I've been getting sexual thoughts too and I don't want them but I feel like I do I don't understand I though I was getting better but I guess every time I get better everything gets worse..
- Date posted
- 14w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
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