:/.

@School123 Alrighty here comes another one.. so I was panicking earlier about an K-pop idol who I don’t like at all only envy and I told my boyfriend about the rocd thought and then I proceeded to rmb the last time I had an thought about this K-pop idol super early on in our relationship like a scenario fantasy? I can’t even call it a fantasy because never in 1 million years I’ll ever go after this girl I simply only love my boyfriend, but basically I rmb having an scenario/thought of me being part of the group and simply having fun and making fans and just having fun and then I have this very brief memory? Idk if it’s false or not but it seem too real to be false? But we was dating and we like kiss I don’t rmb and I don’t think nothing nasty happened and I hope there wasn’t but basically me and my boyfriend was both scared and worried and he said he couldn’t deal with the fact of me having a crush on her during our relationship and I was like pause bc I don’t even remember a ounce of attraction towards her just something who I wish I was like and I told him if I’m being genuinely honest I don’t remember liking her in that type of way and this thought only happened once but then when I was explaining it to him and I was thinking how can I even think like that if I didn’t like the idol in that type of way and like I don’t think it’s entirely impossible bc my brain do go on autopilot a lot and I was spacing out and just letting it happen! But now I’m panicking what if I did but didn’t know? It just doesn’t makes sense and I just really need help bc he said if I did liked her very early on in our relationship it will be a deal breaker and I’m scared and confused

@School123 I copy and pasted it from the ocd fb so ignore how it says here comes another one

@d3adpan_ So were you just finding this person attractive? Or was it just like a scenario that happened in your head? If you weren't like "yes i want this 100%" then you are honestly okay, because thoughts are just thoughts and actions are what are the truth

@School123 The thing is I don’t rmb what happened afterwards or before the thought happened it’s only a blur and I only rmb the bad parts and in the past I didn’t thought too much of it (this was before I even knew I had rocd) that’s why I’m panicking I don’t remember anything but it did felt like I was “enjoying” it but it also seem so fake because how can I never thought of a person like that before but had a thought like that and its really messing with me and I want to find out the truth bc I don’t want to lie to my partner bc in the past me and him talked about it before and I’ve told him nvm it doesn’t even seem true and now everything is no vivid and I don’t know what to do

@d3adpan_ I get times like this too where I remember something that happened while I've been with my boyfriend but I can exactly be sure of what happened and honestly you really just have to let it go because you can't keep trying to figure out what happened because more than likely you won't remember and if it was really bad you would probably remember

@School123 Okay, thank you

@d3adpan_ of course, i honestly get a lot of thoughts like this but my bestfriend told me to try and let it go because you will never truly know exactly what had happened

@School123 Okay I understand thank you a lot

@JediMJ Alrighty here comes another one.. so I was panicking earlier about an K-pop idol who I don’t like at all only envy and I told my boyfriend about the rocd thought and then I proceeded to rmb the last time I had an thought about this K-pop idol super early on in our relationship like a scenario fantasy? I can’t even call it a fantasy because never in 1 million years I’ll ever go after this girl I simply only love my boyfriend, but basically I rmb having an scenario/thought of me being part of the group and simply having fun and making fans and just having fun and then I have this very brief memory? Idk if it’s false or not but it seem too real to be false? But we was dating and we like kiss I don’t rmb and I don’t think nothing nasty happened and I hope there wasn’t but basically me and my boyfriend was both scared and worried and he said he couldn’t deal with the fact of me having a crush on her during our relationship and I was like pause bc I don’t even remember a ounce of attraction towards her just something who I wish I was like and I told him if I’m being genuinely honest I don’t remember liking her in that type of way and this thought only happened once but then when I was explaining it to him and I was thinking how can I even think like that if I didn’t like the idol in that type of way and like I don’t think it’s entirely impossible bc my brain do go on autopilot a lot and I was spacing out and just letting it happen! But now I’m panicking what if I did but didn’t know? It just doesn’t makes sense and I just really need help bc he said if I did liked her very early on in our relationship it will be a deal breaker and I’m scared and confused

@JediMJ Here’s my story

@JediMJ Then why when I think about past me it felt like I was engaging it even further even tho past me even knows I don’t like this idol aswell and she’s simply someone I idolize and what if there’s something deeper like what if I did liked her but didn’t realize it

@d3adpan_ okay this is deffff the ocd talking, the fact that your analyzing it so much just goes to show how much you do care and that you are a good person. Your ocd wants to keep you stuck on it

@d3adpan_ You’re looking for reassurance. What if you did? What if you didn’t? We don’t know! You have to settle for uncertainty, which is exactly what OCD does not want. I know these thoughts and feelings are troubling but you have to find a way to let them go, to not get caught up in this cycle.

@School123 Okay, I’ll try to calm down and forget about it🙁

@JediMJ Yes I understand thank you

@d3adpan_ I know it won't be easy, but you got this I promise

@d3adpan_ I know it’s not that easy. But the more you engage it, the more stuck you’ll be.

@JediMJ I actually just got a tattoo a little over 2 weeks ago that says "embrace uncertainty" and it helps me a lot

@School123 That’s great! I recently heard OCD referred to as “problem-solving gone awry” and that really clicked with me. I thought all my rumination was just me working out my problems, not THE problem. That desire for certainty is so strong…but how much of my life have I spent worrying/spiraling instead of actually living? And I wasn’t even aware…

@JediMJ Honestly yeah that's pretty much spot on. We are always trying to work out so many different "problems" in our mind but not the ocd itself as a whole. And yes ocd makes it so incredibly hard to live sometimes.

@d3adpan_ I don’t know if that helped at all but know that you are not alone. Our brains are so tricky. I’m just figuring out my own stuff and trust me, I get really caught up in my own ruminating. But now I’m getting wise to it. I’ll find myself in my head worrying and going over everything and then I realize it and ask myself, What happened? Why are you thinking about this? And sometimes I can find that trigger. And I see that I got scared and my brain immediately started ruminating, trying to fix it. It’s hard to break these cycles, but it’s possible.

@JediMJ Okay thank you and it’s kinda helped a little