I was out grocery shopping and I got a thought that I could easily hurt everyone in here and now my head can’t stop thinking about it, I fell down the rabbit hole of mass shootings and now I’m stuck and scared. I wake up everyday scared I’m becoming a bad person.
You’re not alone. I also struggle with Harm OCD. It’s not easy to just simply “stop thinking about it” and you constantly play this game of mental gymnastics where you question yourself as a person. “Are you capable of doing this?” “Would you ever do it” “What if you snapped one day?” Believe me, I’ve been going through the same things the last few days. One thing that helped me last night was I told myself “I am not going to let those intrusive thoughts win anymore.” Hope this helps!
@Anonymous I literally spend each day questioning myself and my values, worried that I’ll stop caring, then I get intrusive thoughts that say why do you keep caring, it’s such a battle everyday, I’m scared I’ll loose it. I don’t wish this on anyone, it’s such a dark scary place but I’m trying to push forward.
@Daniela Oliva I struggle with this with my theme of Suicidal OCD. I got triggered yesterday when I stumbled across the news of a professional golfer who committed suicide. Some of the thoughts I get”will I’ve ever reach that breaking point when I decide to give up fighting my ocd” “maybe this is the time I do it and commit suicide” It’s awful but your definitely not alone.
@Madlexy I also struggle with thoughts like these, scared that I’ll give up fighting my ocd, it so scary, it suck but I’m glad we’re not alone.
@Madlexy I’ve been staying at my parents precicly because I’m scared of being alone.
@Madlexy That triggered my too, now my brain is running with it
@Anonymous Omg it’s terrible now I’m questioning if I would ever do it. Doing erp and utilizing maybe or maybe not statements but it’s still so strong of an urge to seek reassurance.
@Daniela Oliva I get it I did the same thing when I was going through a rough OCD spike. Scared of being alone of my thoughts. There is plenty of grounding techniques and deep breathing exercises I’ve learned since that is very helpful with the intrusive thoughts.
@Daniela Oliva I’m here if you ever want to talk! I mean it!
@Madlexy Thank you!! The ruminating part is the hardest for me stop. I’ve tried meditating and learning ways to stop interacting with the thoughts, I would do anything to get rid of these thoughts.
@Daniela Oliva Keep doing the best you can and that’s all you can do! Keep trying those techniques, look into some other grounding techniques. One thing I learned was turn the thought into a person and talk to them. And ask “what do you want?” “Why are you here”
I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞
Hey, I suffer from harm ocd and I feel as if it’s non stop everything I do everyday I believe I killed someone I believe it’s harm ocd and false memory but like today I went to the store and saw a older lady and my head thinks of images of me pushing them or killing then and right after that thought I feel as if I done it then the rest of the day I ruminate replaying everything. I know erp and I should just accept the thought and let it go but it’s not easy and I feel as if i really hurt or killed someone and I don’t want to go to jail for something I don’t want to do . Any tips would be appreciated I don’t know how to accept and move on when it feels so real that I did something!
I’ve always struggled with maladaptive daydreaming I’ve stopped but I have harm ocd and my brain would hook onto a true crime story and I’d pretend to be a family member/loved one/victim of a k*ller and would make up elaborate stories abt it. That feels so disgusting I’m so scared this shows in a horrible person doesn’t it? And now my brain is telling me I have found k*llers attractive in the past I don’t think I ever did but what if I did I’m scared
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
