Im sotired

I can’t stop crying. My thoughts are going insane, they’re so fast I can’t keep up. I want to tell everyone around me what’s happening (my family doesn’t even know about my OCD). I can’t seem to resist compulsions today. I’m freaking out. I want to give up. I feel like I’m suffocating in whatever is going on. I feel like I need to go to a hospital. I don’t know how to ask for help. I don’t feel okay. I don’t understand this at all. It feels like I took some random drug. I’m really scared I’m sorry, I am so panicked. It’s embarrassing but I feel so desperate for help right now I feel crazy

i’m currently experiencing a panicky anxiety attack and i don’t know why. i’ve been on edge all day because of being scared to get sick, but right now, i know i’m not going to get sick but i’m just really panicked and cannot calm down. i’m currently listening to music that helps relax me with an icepack on my neck to help, but not much is happening. my sister and mom keep coming into my room and it’s only making it worse but i don’t know why. i just don’t want to talk or be around anyone right now. these kinds of episodes are worse than any other because i don’t know why i’m so scared. it just feels like it’s never going to go away.

I just can’t do this shit anymore.im tired of these “arousal” sensations that feel real but when I go check my arousal to the same gender I just get anxiety. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t like girls anymore. I’m tired of my arousal getting blocked every now and then because I’m anxious. I’m tired of not knowing who I am anymore. I’m tired of having my mind putting me into an identity I never asked for. I’m tired of this life