Im sotired

Like I'm not even scared I feel numb and ever since that night I've completely went down hill Idk what to do the feeling i felt this time genuily felt like i liked it and i didnt even have anxiety at that moment and now I'm panicking I really hope this is still OCD like I'm sorry if I'm still asking for reassurance but im really worried like it felt good in that moment I don't understand what's going on like I hope it was a false feeling and not something real.....like this has happened before but Idk 😭😭😭😭 I really don't know what to I don't want to turn into a p word I don't this I've been sleeping all day I still do compulsions a little to get rid of the thoughts but I've been getting sexual thoughts too and I don't want them but I feel like I do I don't understand I though I was getting better but I guess every time I get better everything gets worse..

i’m currently experiencing a panicky anxiety attack and i don’t know why. i’ve been on edge all day because of being scared to get sick, but right now, i know i’m not going to get sick but i’m just really panicked and cannot calm down. i’m currently listening to music that helps relax me with an icepack on my neck to help, but not much is happening. my sister and mom keep coming into my room and it’s only making it worse but i don’t know why. i just don’t want to talk or be around anyone right now. these kinds of episodes are worse than any other because i don’t know why i’m so scared. it just feels like it’s never going to go away.

I just can’t do this shit anymore.im tired of these “arousal” sensations that feel real but when I go check my arousal to the same gender I just get anxiety. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t like girls anymore. I’m tired of my arousal getting blocked every now and then because I’m anxious. I’m tired of not knowing who I am anymore. I’m tired of having my mind putting me into an identity I never asked for. I’m tired of this life