drained

sometimes i genuinely believe that i would be a lot better off as dead. i hate being like this. i hate being me. i don’t want to be a bad person or a burden on anyone. it’s starting to feel like i want the thoughts because they’re no longer causing me anxiety, i don’t know if that’s down to my meds or what but. it’s like i feel disgust and guilt but i don’t feel the panic if that makes any sense? i’m a terrible person, i don’t deserve any type of happiness. it all feels so real, i fully believe what my ocd is telling me even though i know this time a few months ago i wouldn’t have ever thought anything like this. when will this all stop? i feel like the right thing for me to do is end it all

Username: ElevenBElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 30w ago

Hello. I've had many of the thoughts you have shared. Better off dead, I'm a burden, scared when you feel, then scared when you don't feel. OCD makes us question/doubt everything. Not feeling the panic makes you think you really are your thoughts. But that you're concerned about it tells me you are not your thoughts. OCD will tell you all day long you are. It is relentless. Please stay on earth. Don't harm yourself. If you are doing therapy keep going. Try to go on and do the next thing in your day, then the next. Don't try to figure out your thoughts that will just make you spin. This journey is hard but you can do it.

Username: space girl 🪐space girl 🪐

Date posted: 30w ago

@ElevenB thank you for commenting, i really needed this and appreciate it. i just feel extremely hopeless, each time i make the littlest bit of progress its shut down by an intrusive thought. they’re becoming so frequent now it honestly feels like im putting them there myself. none of it makes any sense ☹️

Username: BwillbebetterBwillbebetter

Date posted: 30w ago

As hard as it is, I think that not engaging remains the best option for you to progress in the treatment. I used to think that I was insensitive for not engaging my intrusive thoughts, that I was actually becoming a bad person for not fighting them, but OCD likes to play tricks, so if you don't engage and feel less anxious, it will still try to use it against you. Stay strong in your treatment, this phase is also scary but if I managed to improve I'm sure you can too.

Username: opalliaopallia

Date posted: 30w ago

ocd tends to ebb and flow so i promise, this will pass, too. what helps me is reminding myself that this disorder is ego-dystonic, meaning it preys on things that are the opposite of what we want/believe. you are not disgusting, you just have ocd, and it makes you think of things that disgust you. it’s not *you* though, if that makes any sense. i hope that helped, if it didn’t feel free to ignore it. i’m really wishing you the best though and i hope this passes quickly for you

Username: space girl 🪐space girl 🪐

Date posted: 30w ago

@opallia this really helped me a lot, thank you :)

Username: ElevenBElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 30w ago

No it doesn't make sense. Are you doing therapy, ERP?

Username: space girl 🪐space girl 🪐

Date posted: 30w ago

@ElevenB not yet, i’m hoping to start some time around september because i can’t afford it right now :(

Username: ElevenBElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 30w ago

@space girl 🪐 I'm sorry you have to wait. But this community is here for you. 🫂

Username: dee012dee012

Date posted: 30w ago

Same :(

Username: claairelee

Date posted: 6y ago

The guilt from my OCD is insane, sometimes I truly feel like I’m the worst person and I deserve death

Username: mummers

Date posted: 5y ago

*venting* I’m so tired of life. I just woke up, and I feel like going back to bed and sleep until this nightmare passes. This week has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I can face another day of intrusive thoughts, fear, anxiety. I need some moments of relief, but there are none. I wanna have a life again. Anxiety and obsessive thoughts have killed my social life, my ambitions and desires, my happiness. I’ve been fighting for the past 6 months for nothing. I don’t see any improvement. I’m on day 3 of Lexapro and of course i can’t tell if it’s gonna work for me or not. I’m on the first stages of ERP therapy and I still haven’t got any assigned homework to work on, which I really need because I need to feel like I’m doing SOMETHING to help myself with ocd and Gad. I just hope someone could just take out whatever part of my brain isn’t working properly and replace it with a new piece. I don’t wanna feel like a burden to my family or boyfriend anymore. I can’t believe all the damage that I’m causing. I don’t know what to do with all this self hate. I don’t know where to turn to. I seem to have all the help that one could need - therapy, medication, support system. Yet I feel like I can’t spend another day living like this.

Username: iloveguineapigs

Date posted: 48w ago

i’m a horrible person

i keep getting thoughts of molesting/ doing sexual things to people (that i’m close to) and children, every-time this happens I extremely disturbed and have panic attacks bc i’m a horrible person. i’m honestly just contemplating just k*lling myself because i feel like a disgusting p3do who doesn’t deserve anything in life. i’m already diagnosed with anxiety and depression but i’m not sure if this is OCD or not. i hate my self so much- this thoughts won’t stop happening and i never want to do anything like that ever. :/. i’m not sure what to do, i’ve talked to my therapist but none of her methods worked on how to stop these thoughts.

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