SOS ROCD

Hey, thank you for answering. Is it okay if I share my intrusive thought? It has been going on for a while now

I really don't know what to do:(

@IloveDieguito Anything we can do to help???

Thank you for all of your responses, this is what I'm currently going through:I have OCD and my current intrusive thought is about ROCD. It started when I had the urge to tell my boyfriend that when we were already talking, I probably liked someone else. It made him feel terrible, and me as well. So my OCD latches onto what I care about most (my boyfriend) and the intrusive thought is "what if I still like this other person?" But I don't want that, it's like please no 😕 It makes me feel extremely depressed and horrible. I just try to act normal around my boyfriend (when I had this thought, we had already been together for 9-10 months). I truly hate this thought, but it doesn't go away. It puts images in my mind of that other person and makes me doubt, even though deep down I know I don't want that. I feel so disgusted with myself and want to die because I can't handle this anguish. Help me God, please let this not be real, I can't take this suffering anymore. I feel so lost and desperate 😔 Why does OCD torment me like this? Overall I'm scared because the OCD has made this feel so real and my love for my boyfriend so dull that it hurts

@IloveDieguito Let me see if I understand. The first thing that started you down this path was sharing with your bf that in the beginning, you liked someone else. You confessed that thought (probably an intrusive thought) and you both felt terrible. And now your intrusive thought is, “What if I still like that other person?” (I’ll call him 🥸. Then maybe he’ll seem less attractive. 😉) And you just “act normal” around your bf now? You aren’t confessing these worries about 🥸? And you are not being kind to yourself, but feeling disgusted with yourself. And you’re scared. I’m fairly new to this whole OCD thing but I have learned a few things. Self-compassion is important. OCD is really hard and these intrusive thoughts are well, intrusive. They pop up, unwanted. You aren’t thinking them. We don’t like uncertainty. OCD is desperately wanting to figure things out, to know. And we have to learn to live with uncertainty, to not confess, to not constantly seek reassurance, to not ruminate. To live in the moment, not in our heads. It’s super hard when your brain automatically goes into these patterns. But we can learn to reprogram our brains.

@IloveDieguito My friend’s therapist had her walk around outside…one loop around she ruminated, the next loop she focused on her surroundings…pointing out a bird, a leaf, a sound etc. If you are focusing on the present moment, you aren’t stuck in your head. You can’t do both. That might be something to try. I feel your anguish. And it’s not going to get better if you keep ruminating about 🥸. You have to break this cycle. And it’s going to take time to retrain your brain. And being patient and kind to yourself will help.

@JediMJ - Thank you for your answer :D yes, you explained it perfectly to be honest, this thought all started because I started confessing to my bf, so now it's getting really difficult with believing in myself, and thank you for the help. I'm really trying to be okay, and I hope you are doing well. Thank you!

@IloveDieguito Hi there I also have ROCD and Pure OCD. I’ve been married for nearly 17 years and I deal with the sudden “urge” to call it off with my wife and then I think lots of intrusive thoughts on top of that. I love my wife through and through all the way to the end. This “urge” happened in all my relationships with girlfriends etc. It’s so funny how it happens, I didn’t really have the urge when we got married but it crept in about in 2015 and now again I’ve been having a few relapses while on medication. My faith has kept me above ground to but I feel I need to explain my relationships so it can let others know that you’re they’re not alone. I hope this helps you. I’m pretty detailed in my OCD journey and I’m still on it but keep running the race and I know you’ll get through it. Please let me know if there’s more I can do to help! We are all in this together ❤️!

@TrinityROCD - thank you, its really helpful to know I'm not alone

@JediMJ - wow I have never thought about that, I will try it out, thank you

@IloveDieguito I think it’s hard to believe in yourself because you continue to entertain those intrusive thoughts and that makes them feel real. But it was just a thought that popped up. And you were trying to deal with it but instead of making it go away, it made it grow stronger. I thought I needed my partner to reassure me, but the reassurance just made my OCD brain think I was right to doubt. It helped in the moment but the next day I was asking for the exact same reassurance. It didn’t stick. One of the strategies I use now is, when an intrusive thought pops up (like what if I have feelings for 🥸), I just say, “That’s not helpful.” I don’t argue against it. I don’t start worrying/ruminating. I accept the thought, the uncertainty, the feelings, and try to ground myself in the present. Maybe doing a breathing exercise, singing along to a song, going for a walk, opening up NOCD and writing some encouraging words to a stranger. I’m not trying to fight the thought. I’m just letting it be and then trying to move on. I’ve spent too much of my life in my head and not in the world. I’m trying to change that. You so clearly want to feel better and you will feel better. I believe this. Remember to be kind to yourself as you figure all this out. 💕

@JediMJ I'm really thankful for this, so this is what I'm going to do from now on, when the intrusive thought starts to seem real:( I will just say, okay I don't like this thought, this isn't real, and leave it, and I will try to not ruminate by doing something else, something I enjoy, no matter how horrible it gets

@IloveDieguito Was that an intrusive thought? That it would get horrible? 😝 That wasn’t helpful. Let it know and move on. OCD is tricky!

@JediMJ This is so true, OCD is extremely difficult to deal with... I'm going to try my best. Thank you for the recommendations