Parenting with OCD

What is a common family joke. OCD is hereditary on my father's side. However I also live with complex PTSD, and ADHD. I didn't learn till recently how severe my OCD is and the intensity gets amplified if the though goes to either of the other two. It's a loop I've identified recently... just little too late. I've lived with OCD for years not really addressing it till I see that's the very reason I cause damage to loved ones. I'm married, 33, a vet. My marriage is not in the best place now. I have a son who's 4 and already showing signs of OCD. Currently my marriage is at a point where we are working on ourselves. It's discovered that my wife's issues are reflections of my own. I understand fully now that I am the center of the issues but also the solution. I need help for me. What happens with my relationships depends on me showing that I am better and able to process thoughts and emotions better. Journaling helps alot. Trying to do hobbies or this that and 3rd but. I'm willing to try anything. Things are on a line. I'm open to any and all POV and ideas. I'm not out crying. I'm taking a big step for me. Something 25 years over due. Thank you for reading this. As I tell myself now. You'll best this and be better

My husband and I have 3 kids.. ages 13, 7 & 1. Our 13 year old has always been somewhat “different”, even as a toddler. He was very quiet and socially awkward. Not much has changed in that department. He isn’t into sports and has a very hard time finding anything at all that interests him. He doesn’t have many friends as he is still awkward and has a hard time fitting in. He has OCD. Specifically moral OCD. He feels like he has to confess everything to me that he feels isn’t appropriate. Curse words he hears on tv, something off-color that he or his friends said at school, anything sexual he hears on tv or in a joke. He laughingly tells me but he is reading my face to gauge my reaction on the subject every time. We tell him constantly that he doesn’t have to confess to us but, of course, those who know much about OCD know that this is harder than just simply telling them they don’t have to give into their compulsions. He is very anxious and worries about everything. He also has inattentive ADHD so he’s currently on medicine for that but can’t tell if it’s actually helping anything or not. He’s on anxiety meds too that we are trying to assess. Honestly, we have also wondered if he may be on the spectrum but high-functioning. Not sure. We are very worried about his future. He is not maturing and doesn’t care to learn how to better himself since he’s getting older. Anyway, now that I’ve given a little background, my reason for posting is that I wonder if we have created all of this. First of all.. I am a hovering mom. Im very overprotective and have a hard time letting my kids do much because I’m anxious myself. I grew up with a yelling mom and stepdad. Sadly, I have resorted to this trauma behavior much of my son’s life as well. I try my hardest not to lose my temper and yell but, I am very ashamed to say, that I haven’t been able to do a very good job with that. I have been overly critical also. Learned behavior. I will add that we are also a religious family that goes to church and follows the Bible. My husband was raised differently. His parents are very mild mannered and calm. Very sweet with my husband and his sister growing up and they aren’t “yellers”. They live out in the country and are very lax about many rules when my children go out there. Not that they let them do whatever they want but at the same time… they do seem to have a hard time saying no. My sister in law and her family live across the street from my in laws so they’re all out in the country together living their peaceful, carefree life. 🙄 They seem to think that my husband and I have brought all of this on ourselves with how we have so many rules and boundaries. They’re of the mindset that we should be exposing him to movies with curse words and letting him hear innnapropriate things and curse words more. This is how they parent their 10 year old (who is homeschooled so.. in my opinion they don’t have to worry so much about him repeating the curse words at school. We are at a Christian, private school where I also teach so it’s a bigger deal making sure my kids don’t hear those things and repeat). Anyway.. first and foremost, I’m looking for advice on how to reverse the damage from me losing my temper these last 13 years. I swear I am trying my hardest and strive everyday to be a good mom. I want so badly for them to WANT to keep a close relationship with us when they become adults living on their own. But I am so scared I’m ruining them. Does it seem to be the case? Also, do you think we have caused this OCD? Be honest with everything please. I am constantly very worried we are doing this wrong.

Parenting and maintenance of OCD are both very much full time for me right now. I know parenting never changes and is always a full time job but I really am feeling frustrated at OCD and of having to constantly navigate this monsterous debilitation that reares it's ugly head every so often. I have to get my balance better.