Please help

I hate sitting in my room with only me and my thoughts. I have lost my faith in the lord and can’t seem to get on with my life. I’m so stuck on everything and can’t seem to get better. I keep self harming and get to the point to where I see the second layer of my skin. It gets worse and worse each time I have suicidal thoughts. One of these days it’ll get so bad that well you can probably guess what I may do. I have been abused physically mentally and sexually in my past and it haunts me every single day of my life. Any time I try to talk to someone about my mental health they tell me I’m a waste of their time or that I need to talk to someone other than them. But all that does is make me keep it all bottled up and I can’t take it anymore. They say mental abuse is worse than physical and I can see why they say that. I just want a normal life so I don’t have to be depressed 24/7. It ruins my social life and it makes me loose my friends and family because of how distant I am. I just need help and please give me advice. Also sorry I’m not very good at explaining things.

I feel like it's got to a point that I just can't deal with stuff on my own anymore. I've tried to help myself with compulsions and thoughts and behaviours and it helps to an extent but I feel like I just need more help. But I don't even know where to start, I've felt so ignored in the past and I don't even know where you can turn to. I'm in the UK so it's difficult, especially considering I'm only 17, to get any help for this kind of thing. I just want someone to talk to, something to help – medication, maybe? I want to try it, I want to see if it would stop the overthinking for a while. Stuff isn't as bad as it has been before, but I feel like I can't just leave this anymore. I just don't know who to turn to or where to go from here.

TW: suicidal Constantly fixated on the fact of helping people. I’m always doing compulsions like checking social medias to see if people need help etc, it’s exhausting cause I’m so sad I’m unable to help everyone. I just don’t know what to do and if I’m being entirely honest it’s making me not wanna be here anymore. I’m afraid that if i walk away from my phone for even 5 minutes someone will be in need and in danger and I want be there to help therefore it’s my fault etc. how can i cope with this? Obviously I want to help people but I wanna do it in different ways