I'm upset. Like legit furious!!! My HOCD manifested 6 months after giving birth to the most beautiful little girl. My daughter is now 16 months old. I've been dealing with so much since it started, anxiety up to wazoo and the saddest depression . I have literally lived my darkest days. I'm finally on medication and seeking help after 10 months of me tying to defeat HOCD on my own. Well let me tell you all, that I've had it! I'm angry and upset. This HOCD stole my motherhood! My happiness! My identity and confidence! I want my life back! And I will get it back, if it's the last thing I do! I will feel like a mother again.

Where can I find information on self compassion related to how my ocd has made me feel? My ocd came on and in a different form in August after coming off meds from a surgery. I have struggled since to find balance in my body and neurotransmitters and a systemic kenalog shot about put me inpatient. My hormones now are causing upticks in my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I cannot wait for this long acting steroid to be out of my system. But none the less, 5 months of solid harm ocd intrusive thoughts that attack almost every positive thought I have is exhausting and wearing my mind down. I am a mother of two young kids and it’s hard for me to do what I need to do without crippling anxiety from my intrusive thoughts in the worst atmospheres. I just can’t read anything about getting better or self help, devotionals or anything because I feel like I am a monster and I am no longer the person I used to be. I used to feel so connected to my God as I believe and to who I was a a human on this earth and I feel like the last 5 months with HOCD has completely destroyed me.

OCD stole those precious moments away from my baby and I. She’s 18 months now but I went through so much. I was having really scary thoughts. I didn’t want to be around her cause I was scared I was going to hurt her. I avoided my baby when she needed her mother. I was so scared to be alone with her. It hurts so bad. She’s the most perfect thing on this earth and I feel like she deserves so much better. I’ve struggled with OCD and depression all my life. I’m so scared that I’m going to ruin her somehow with all my mental health issues. God I just want the best for her. I can’t get over the guilt. I’m 20 weeks with my second and I’m so scared. I love my babies so much but i don’t want to ruin them.

I struggle with harm ocd ( and other themes) but hocd is ruining my life!!! It’s directed towards my kids mainly my 6 year old son. I literally have intrusive thought all day!!! I feel so disconnected, this happened to me before when I look at him it’s like don’t “recognize him” I also feel that way towards myself when I look in the mirror. This past week every time I look in the mirror I just have hate towards myself. I’m absolutely miserable!!! The smallest things trigger me!!! I’m trying erp and “accepting thoughts” I feel like at first it was working but now I’m back in this vicious circle!! I feel lost I feel hopeless I feel scared I feel worthless It just feels like I’m losing my mind!!