Anyone here with POCD with false memories? I need someone to talk to please

The feelings will go away, but not because of any compulsion you perform or how much ruminating you do. Thinking about it over and over only strengthens the thoughts and images, whether they are real or not. Will you ever know what happened for sure? I think you already do. The intrusive thoughts you experienced then and/or now are not reality. But, the more you replay them in your head, the more real they seem to be. OCD is cruel. It attacks the things we love and cherish the most. And in my experience, it seems the horrific thoughts and visualizations come with ease, but when I’m trying to imagine something positive or fun, it requires much more effort and often gets distorted. It sounds like you love your nephew and even the twisted intrusive thought of you harming him is enough to make you sick. If something truly had happened, can you imagine what condition you would have been in years before this? And as I’m sure you’ve heard before, the fact that you are so worried about it is proof in and of itself that the opposite of your fear is true. Now, all that being said, the feeling that won’t go away is for sure terrible. And the way to deal with it will seem like the last thing you want to do. When you get the intrusive thought that tells you that you’ve harmed or abused or done whatever to your nephew, instead of trying to fight it, you just say “ok.” You say something to yourself like “I know this is nonsense, but sure, maybe I abused him, maybe I didn’t. Guess I’ll never know.” You have to refuse to play the game. You have to willingly say the words that you don’t want to say and think the thoughts you don’t want to think so that you can render them all powerless. You already know what actually happened way back then. I think you probably know what’s happening with your mind now since you’re here in this OCD app. I tell you all this as someone who is also currently struggling to break free of my latest OCD loop. I too have gotten stuck in endless mental review and rumination for the last 2 days. I know I have OCD. I know what I’m worried about is something most people would probably never consider. I know I’ve had very similar obsessions in the past that I got through. But I’m still having to deal with it. That’s where I start to get frustrated because intellectually I’m pretty much aware of all that is going on, but that feeling still won’t go away. And that feeling can override everything I know to be true until I combat it with the tools I mentioned above. Lastly, what I have taken a long time to realize is that I control very little in this life. I can’t even control the thoughts that come into my head, only how I respond to them. When I feel completely beaten and the tools aren’t working, I simply pray to Jesus for help. Perhaps this should be step one… Sometimes I get a quick response and start to feel better. More often than not He reminds me that I already know how to overcome this.

Hi there, what’s going on? I’ve dealt with this theme and others before.