- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s OCD, hun. We have many thoughts in a day. Our brain is trying to protect us from danger so it’s always throwing thoughts at us to see which one will stick and seems dangerous. It seems like the thought that you’ve picked as dangerous is if you’re gay or not. I just want to let you know, you’re not alone. We all have these scary thoughts but they are nothing more than just thoughts. They are not reality and can not harm us.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeahhh but they are super real right? That’s what is so scary and consuming. I hope that I get out of this and then I’ll have some very good advice if anyone ever goes through this. I just want to enjoy being in love and thinking about kissing him instead of being all anxious asking myself if it feels weird or not
- Date posted
- 5y
@sofifbuitron Check out Ali Greymond on YouTube! Her videos is helping me with managing my thoughts. The first stage of recovery is always the hardest but as time goes on things will get easier. You will have your bad day but that’s okay !
- Date posted
- 5y
@huneyskiss I’m going to watch it thank uuuu
- Date posted
- 5y
Feeling uncomfortable with these thoughts and always being attracted to boys before and even during ocd shows that you’re straight (although no problem if you’re not either). I think your current lack of interest or ‘attraction’ to men is because your mental state is so low from ocd, that you’ve just lost general interest in pursuing anything with men or even ‘fancying them’ if you get what I mean? Like when people are depressed they lose interest in hobbies and lack concentration for things so I feel that’s why you’ve lost that and your ocd is feeding on that to further make you believe this lack of attraction means you like girls’. You will be happy again, it’s a long, extremely tiring road with many ups and downs but you’ll get there! Keep trying to push yourself to let the thoughts happen and just accept they’re just thoughts and let them slip by as much as you can
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much. It’s just scary because they are soooooooo real and I feel like they won’t end. I just hope that I will get back to seeing a cute guy and being like “omg he’s so cuteee” and being happy while imagining myself with my crush like I used to.
- Date posted
- 5y
From a non ocd expert persons pov I probably shouldn’t be reassuring you as that furthers the ocd cycle and I should be advising you to sit with the anxiety and do exposures/challenges but as someone with ocd, although not SOOCD, I can reassure you that you’re not gay from what you’re telling me. It’s very clear you are straight and are attracted to men and your head/intrusive thoughts are making you doubt yourself. If you are in love with this guy you should try and pursue things and just let the intrusive thoughts happen and try to ignore the anxiety and retract from doing behaviours that would ease it. Ocd is fucking horrible, seriously fucks me off when people use it to describe their perfectionism for co-ordination and shit! If only they knew the torment we go through with all this guilt, anxiety, doubt etc!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanksss! I know that I shouldn’t look for reassurance but it’s just so hard. I just don’t know what I am or want anymore and that is very stressful. I just don’t want to think about this. It’s convincing me that I am gay. I’m so tired and I feel like there is no other way out and that I just have to accept it. God I just want to be happy again and really hope that it’s just anxiety and ocd.
- Date posted
- 5y
It sounds 100% OCD and once you get more into therapy and gain more understanding and knowledge of ocd you’ll get a self acceptance of the fact you have ocd and you’ll feel so happy because you’ll no longer care about people thinking you’re weird or not understanding because you understand it yourself! Obviously there’ll be dips in this self acceptance, I too go through stages where I go back to my old ways of thinking that I’m a weirdo and I am what my thoughts try to make me believe that I am but once I’m out of the dip I have control again
- Date posted
- 5y
I truly hope that I will get out of this. I just want to be happy again and I’m going to buy my best efforts to do it! It’s just so tiring to wake up everyday like this and feeling this way and like it’s forever. The best part of it is when im going to sleep since I’m not suffering. I’ll do my best trying to get over this.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah they feel super real and make you feel so anxious and awful and feel like they’re taking over but the more you expose yourself to the thoughts and sit with the anxiety and just let them subside the easier it will become and then eventually you’ll become happier and then your attraction and crushes will come back. I think atm they’re gone because you’re too anxious and low to feel happy and be able look at a guy in a romantic way. It will come back though hunny! Have you sought any therapy or medications to help reduce the anxiety and enhance your mood to help you deal with all of this?
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m going to a psychologist and we are trying some things. My anxiety is always like “you know you want to be with a girl” but my heart and body don’t want to. I’m just so confused
- Date posted
- 5y
Your heart and body are your emotions and feelings and your thoughts are intrusive, unwanted thoughts that are uncontrolled by you. If your body is not attracted to them and your heart doesn’t have feelings for them but your mind is saying you do it’s ocd making you doubt yourself, not you. A little mantra I use is ‘it’s ocd not me’ when thoughts get too much, almost to like ground myself and remind me that it’s my irrational mental health condition causing this massive stress and angst and it’s not me
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ve never wanted anything romantic with a girl. I’ve always seen boys attractive and I’ve always wanted to have a boyfriend. I’ve always been afraid of becoming gay but it has never been like this. My thoughts are so strong telling me that I want to be with a girl and now I don’t know if I do want to or if it’s just my head. Help me
- Date posted
- 5y
I totally get what you mean, a while back I did lots of posts because I was going through a hard time and really just needed some support from people that’d understand but unfortunately they got removed as they said I was seeking reassurance. I wasn’t doing it to continue my ocd cycle I just needed a bit of support and positivity so I could get the strength to fight the thoughts again! You will get there hunny, therapy is such a help, it takes time but stick with it and I’m always here if you need or want a chat!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so muchhh!! It means so much to me to have someone to talk to since everyone gets so annoyed by me because they think my thoughts are just so stupid. I’m happy to have found someone to talk to that understands. Will I ever be happy and get over this?
- Date posted
- 5y
I know the feeling! For years I didn’t have therapy or anyone that understood and was always put down for my irrationalities and seen as weird and it was so hard! Therapies helped me almost accept myself a bit more and understand that it’s ocd and not me and that it’s not other peoples faults for not understanding and for making me feel the way I did and having this app with people who feel and experience the same is such a help! I’m assuming your experience may be similar with people getting annoyed with you? You will feel happy again hunny, I am certain!
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes it’s exactly the same! Thanks I really hope to be happy again and I hope it’s just ocd because it really makes me believe that it’s just me being in denial. I just don’t want to be gay and I just want to think about my crush like I used to.
- Date posted
- 5y
I wish you all the best ☺️
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you??
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 19w
hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd
- Date posted
- 16w
I tried checking if I like gay stuff and it’s genuinely disgusting to me. I can tell whether or not a man is attractive and when they are it does scare me and makes me question myself yet, it’s always the same response, I don’t get how you can do that with another man. Doing anything sexual just feels so gross and wrong. I don’t think that I am magically turning gay. I don’t think my orientation is changing or hasn’t been explored. I simply find that stuff gross. I have never had anything wrong with gay people and I am a true believer that people have choices they can make with free will so it’s not that I’m homophobic, just keep that stuff away from me lol. Saying so, I don’t get why I am getting these thoughts. These images in my head, constant need of checking if I fall in the spectrum, constant checking whether I like someone of any gender, constant checking whether or not I am getting groinal responses. No matter what answer I get, my mind still wants an answer, an answer to the next question that it’ll create after answering the one before it. I have always liked girls and always been so proud of it, I am in a relationship right now with a beautiful girl I’ve had a crush on since 2nd grade. (I am 19) Whatever mental illness I have has ruined our relationship. Everything feels forced on my side, I don’t remember the joy I had before this but I have glimpse throughout the days of the things we’ve done together that makes me happy and look forward to life. I am constantly checking to see if my attraction is still there for her and the scary part is, when I am stuck in my head, I am not but, to alter that, when I get that freedom and feel like my normal self, I get a hyper amount of love for her and it feels so nice. These thoughts all began after me and my girlfriend had an argument, 5 months ago we got in an argument over her not giving me enough space. She always wanted to be a part of a plan with my male friends. I never minded her when it was just us two so it’s not that I hated being with her, it was just that I had no time to be independent. ( I also had no job and nothing going for myself. ) One odd day after spending so much time stuck in the house due to weather, I had random thought on whether or not I truly loved her. We were only 4 months into the relationship so I didn’t have an answer and since it felt like I needed an answer, it became obsessive, I couldn’t stop checking. After hours with that thought, I started to wonder whether or not I was interested in other things like K I D S. This thought was an automatic no and I began to fight it. I wasn’t going to accept that, each day felt like a living hell. The questions would change each day, do I miss my ex, was my ex better, do I like my M O M, do I want to K I L L so and so, do I want to kill myself. One day I woke up and had it all in control, felt like magic, after I watched a video on ROCD and realized, oh, I am not the only one but, this is where my compulsions got even worse. I couldn’t stop checking the internet, seeing if I relate to others, watching more videos. I regret this everyday because this compulsion created so many new thoughts and questions for me to answer. About 2-3 weeks went by and a thought passed by that has been stuck with me since along with other thoughts. I thought back to what I did as kid and in the past. I remembered a traumatic event where my brother touched me (5yr old M) inappropriately. This made me question whether or not I liked it and I couldn’t find an answer, couple years (10yr old M) after that I unfortunately did the same to my cousin (8yr old M). I feel so much shame and guilt for it. My mind turned black and white, “Maybe this isn’t a do you like your girl or not but instead, maybe you just like boys I mean, you obviously never asked yourself if you like what you did so”. This question was terrifying for me because it meant that I could no longer love my girl, my whole life till now has been a lie. So I began to question everything in my past up to date to find an answer. No matter what answer I fed my mind, it would not be satisfied and simply create more questions. It felt like my mind was forcing me to be gay, whether or not I liked it. 4 months has passed and the questions have just gotten worse, something I was initially so afraid of. I am in constant fight or flight mode, I am always anxious and I can’t feel nothing. I get times of relief when I am reminded of my past, when my gf turns me on, or when I find an answer to question my mind conjured up. I started to go to church but it’s always been a struggle for me to believe. I can’t go to the gym anymore because everywhere I look I am questioning myself. My porn addiction has went away but mostly because I can’t find anything attractive anymore. I can only find comfort and discomfort. Something that was once so easy for me would 1 day be nonexistent and hard to live without. I don’t know what the truth is anymore. My life feels like a made-up lie. Though I have always loved women, fantasized about them, get extremely nervous around them, pray for them, romanticize them, etc. I now have no idea what it feels like to be in love, interested, or even happy for a woman. My attraction hasn’t vanished completely, I still can look a girl and be stunned, l simply just can’t destroy the feeling it gives me. I get so anxious and begin to question everything about the women, the feeling, myself. I am having a crisis.
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