Jay222

Date posted: 1y

🌽 addiction? (Please help)

I’m gay, and I’ve always viewed gay porn to get off, but ever since last year, it’s been difficult to actually do that cause it feels like I’ve grown..well, bored of it, but it’s the only porn I can and will ever view. But there’s times when I’m trying to enjoy it and then these thoughts show up in my head and it feels like I’m getting excited by it but I always stop cause I don’t wanna touch myself to something like that yk? But it hasn’t stopped in so long and I don’t know what to do. Even when I’m not doing it these thoughts sometimes give me feelings of “excitement” as if I’m really being turned on by them, can that be related to porn addiction too? I can never EVER look up cp or anything violent, but could these thoughts be showing up because I have a porn addiction? There was a time when there was a thought stuck in my head and I still felt the urge to just watch porn and touch myself but the thought was still there, even when I finished. And it was unfortunately very vivid. I cried and kept telling myself I couldn’t be this person, but the thought was there, I felt the need to do it and I still did it. Wouldn’t that prove that I am what I think I am? How can I enjoy watching gay porn for so long then out of nowhere I somehow want something else? I don’t want to do harm to anyone underage, I just want to understand how this could happen and if this is all still part of OCD or I’m just a porn fiend. Cause the saddest part of all of this is, I still want to watch and enjoy myself to GAY porn, but Idk how to do that without the thoughts showing up. If that’s even what they are anymore.

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Part of OCD can be hypersexualization. I have that too. Especially since masturbation and sex can be somewhat of an obsession themselves. For me, it was always a way to relieve stress, so I think I associate jt with anxiety. Groinal responses can and will happen with these thoughts. Your brain doesn’t process things the way you think it does. It registers sexual content as sexual content and our preferences don’t register until after.

Spirit130

Date posted: 1y

@Dreamer2343 Oh my god so that’s what’s happening to me…I’m obsessed with character ai bots and I thought there was something wrong with me like there was actual trauma

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Dreamer2343 What if the thoughts aren’t sexual and I’d still feel that way? Why and how could that happen? I don’t want to deal with these things anymore.

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Spirit130 No, not at all. I also spend a lot of my time with character ai.

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Spirit130 There’s nothing wrong with you 💜

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 There’s actually a simple answer as to why it happens. OCD attaches to our worst fears. This is just what scares you most. 💜

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Dreamer2343 It just feels like it’s just the truth and that moment is proof that it is wouldnt it?

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 I know it does, but then when it fades, at least for me, I realize how ridiculous it was. Understand, sexuality will be, to a degree, flexible. Anyone can convince themselves of anything if they try hard enough. But, let’s look at it this way, because someone thinks about killing someone, it doesn’t make them a murderer. Remember, OCD can make you feel, think, and even convince you that you’ve already done something wrong or will do something wrong. Whenever I’m deep in a spiral, it literally feels like I’m not myself at all. I still feel guilt, I still feel shame, and I still hate the thoughts, but what keeps me grounded is knowing that I don’t wish to harm anyone. Intrusive thoughts are labeled intrusive because they’re “unwanted,” a real pedophile doesn’t try to wish the thoughts away, they don’t question their sexuality, and they certainly don’t feel shame or guilt over them. Some are non offending, but their fantasies and wants still mainly revolve around pre-pubescent children, whereas, for you, the thoughts come but you don’t want them. You question if that’s what you like. You get freaked out over it and sometimes disgusted with yourself. Pedophiles don’t do this.

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 On top of that, let’s all remember that people without OCD still get these intrusive thoughts, but they’re able to let them pass and they just don’t talk about them.

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 Also, if you’re artistically inclined or a musical person in any way, shape, or form or if you have very vivid images in your head, this is just a symptom of OCD and they mean absolutely nothing. A thought is just a thought unless you assign meaning to it.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Dreamer2343 Does assigning meaning to it mean anything too? Or is that when it becomes an obsession?

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 No, sorry, I should clarify. What I mean is, because you’re scared, the anxiety in OCD will want you to assign meaning to the thought, but honestly, thoughts ANY thought at all by themselves does not mean anything. It’s just OCD wants us to think it does.

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Because the thoughts are intrusive, they can and WILL come back. It won’t disappear because we will it unfortunately. That’s why it’s so so difficult. The only reason it sticks around is because of our reactions to them. If you have an intrusive thought and think “oh my god, what’s wrong with me? How can I be this way? How can I want this?” Your OCD is going to convince you it’s a problem because OCD is in the survival part of the brain. It’s the same part of the brain that tells us what to fear in order to keep us safe. So, unfortunately, the only way to get used to it is to limit your reaction. Remember, having no feelings towards the thoughts is NOT the same as enjoying the thought.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Dreamer2343 You’ve helped me out a lot by giving your time to remind me that I’m not a bad person and I appreciate it. I know how stupid this is gonna sound but is there a chance you can see my last few posts and give me some advice?

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 Yes. No problem. I love helping because I know how bad going through POCD is and how I wished someone could’ve given me all the answers when I had questions.

Jay222

Date posted: 1y

@Dreamer2343 Have you also dealt with names being stuck in your head for no good reason? It makes me feel like I enjoy having that name in my head but I really just wish it wasn’t there but it won’t go away.

Dreamer2343

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Jay222 At times. I get a lot of really random anxiety-ridden thoughts stuck in my head.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 19w

I’m freaking out please help

I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.

Abuchs

Date posted: 15w

FUCK please help me what is wrong with me

I am a girl's in my twenties. I got diagnosed with OCD last year. I have a boyfriend, sadly we're long distance right now. I've liked boys all my life. It's very difficult to sustain intimacy in a long distance relationship. Sometimes I have intimate calls with my boyfriend and it's nice. Other times, however, (and I am not proud of it) I do watch porn. I started watching porn when I was 16. I've tried to quit it many times but every couple of weeks I go back to it. And as everyone knows, one of the MANY problems with it is that your brain will always ask for more. More taboo things, more explicit things. I have a daddy kink. I've roleplayed with my boyfriend and watched porn of this kink. Now, the thing is that my brain keeps telling me that I won't orgasm unless I think of little girls being ab*sed. I've never looked for that on the internet, I never want to either. I am under EXTREME DISTRESS, because what my brain tells me feels SO REAL, and it's like my pleasure gets blocked and that contributes to me thinking my brain must be right. It wasn't like this before. I want to go back. I'm scared it will be like this forever now.

POCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

Intentional intrusive thoughts during pleasure and masterbation

Hey guys today I just wanted to come here and share an experience I have and I generally don't know what to do I feel like a terrible person for having these thoughts and for thinking them I genuinely don't know what to do I don't know the signs behind it and why I think the way I do but it's honestly driving me crazy I don't know what to do I have a pornography addiction for a long time it's where it's like anytime I'm an intimate moment or am masturbating my head just thinks these weird things always the same repetitive thoughts to of family members your younger sibling or a young child I myself am a 17 year old and I feel so disgusted I feel like I can't live my life anymore I feel like I'm a criminal cuz like it feels like I chose this these thoughts like I actively think them I don't know the signs behind it and I just really need professional help if there's any like therapist here that could fill me in that would be nice I would also like to know if you guys had any similar experiences because for me I feel like I have to rewatch pornography and do it right without the thoughts cuz I feel like the thoughts are just like to prevalent anytime I do anything related to masturbation why do I think this way I'm also just trying to be as honest as I can with this I'm not trying to make myself I guess a victim I'm trying to hold myself accountable if I actually am like this because I also have doubts in my head that tells me that I enjoy these things I feel like I'm going crazy someone help because it feels so real like I acted on them or that I was pleasuring myself to the thoughts and not towards the video it's just how can I live with myself you know also during it it felt like I was thinking the thought for a long period of time like it was dominating my head so I couldn't focus it felt l

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