No hope

@lalalalal166373 For me its 5 years since i was 14. But i also had good period of times when i didnt really care about it and even times when i got better and felt recovered.

@ninkaninga yes it’s been longer for me but i had a massive trigger in february but prior to that it had been about 3-4 years and like you times where it was bearable

@lalalalal166373 For me, it went somehow away when i started studying at University. So it really like….dissapeared for almost a year. I mean i did have some thoughts like what if…but it was maybe for 2-3 days and then it dissapeared again and i was fine. I literally felt like ive healed. And that hocd was bullshit. That how could i even think about something like this?

@ninkaninga yeah mine went away for a bit after my exams like the summer, when i felt happy and then starting year 12 it wasn’t great and im petrified of going to university next year because i feel like there is gonna be so many triggers i almost don’t want to go

@Anonymous Idk about my past experiences but i do fear that some of them actually must mean that im just gay😞 also, i analyze again my past, my childhood, what if i had feelings for girls and i forgot about it and now i cant remember? Even thought i really dont remember that i had feelings for girls. And i dont think so. I dont think i had. Yes, i think i always forget about relevant facts, and i think i overthink them and it makes me think that even those facts are not real. And i make this conclusion based on how i feel i guess, cuz now i feel awful. It feels real, so it must be real. It’ awful. It definitely must be real and it feels like i know its real, like i know its real, like i know im gay and that ive always known, and just cant and dont want to accept it and admit it. This is how I feel😓😓

@ninkaninga I hear you. However, the more you try to dig into your past and find clues that indicate you are this or that, the more confused you’ll be. And you will most definitely find things that might indicate you are what you don’t want to be. Take a leap of faith and trust yourself. You would know if you ever were attracted to girls. So, drop the coin and try to stop burying into your past. Let’s say you had a friend that was going through the exact same thing as you are right now, what would you tell them? Would you be examining their past like you are examining yours? Probably not. You would probably trust them when they told you “I’m pretty sure I never was attracted to girls”. You wouldn’t be cross examining them. Have some empathy for yourself. You are doing your best at living an honest life, and you should give yourself some credit for that. Again, try not to settle on an answer right here and now, accept the feeling of uncertainty and go do something you enjoy. I know it is so so very hard. But you can do it :)

@ninkaninga I feel like that too, I even sometimes have memories of things I didnt even remenber happening in the first place or things that did happened but details are different like, maybe I blush or maybe I did feel something rather than had a though, etc