ninkaninga
- Date posted
- 1y
No hope
I feel like im just a gay and i have to accept it. It feels so real. I dont even think i have ocd. I just think ive always been gay, into girls and now i have to accept it😞
lalalalal166373lalalalal166373
- Date posted
- 1y
it’s actually awful, i haven’t felt genuine happiness for 6 months i feel like i’m wasting my life thinking about this
ninkaninganinkaninga
- Date posted
- 1y
@lalalalal166373 For me its 5 years since i was 14. But i also had good period of times when i didnt really care about it and even times when i got better and felt recovered.
lalalalal166373lalalalal166373
- Date posted
- 1y
@ninkaninga yes it’s been longer for me but i had a massive trigger in february but prior to that it had been about 3-4 years and like you times where it was bearable
ninkaninganinkaninga
- Date posted
- 1y
@lalalalal166373 For me, it went somehow away when i started studying at University. So it really like….dissapeared for almost a year. I mean i did have some thoughts like what if…but it was maybe for 2-3 days and then it dissapeared again and i was fine. I literally felt like ive healed. And that hocd was bullshit. That how could i even think about something like this?
lalalalal166373lalalalal166373
- Date posted
- 1y
@ninkaninga yeah mine went away for a bit after my exams like the summer, when i felt happy and then starting year 12 it wasn’t great and im petrified of going to university next year because i feel like there is gonna be so many triggers i almost don’t want to go
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
Hi there! I just want to let you know that OCD will (most often) convince anyone suffering from it at some point that their worst fear is true, and it will really, really feel like it is. Try not to fall into ruminating about it, but ask yourself a couple of questions: 1. What does my past experiences tell you about that your fears are true? 2. Are you forgetting about relevant facts that seem to discomfirm your fears? 3. Are you making this conclusion based on how you feel or on actual circumstances? 4. Are you confusing a high-probability senario with a low-probability senario? Also, anyone with OCD will believe they don’t have OCD. In regards to this idea, refer back to these questions above. Now, shift your focus to doing something you enjoy, all the while feeling uncomfortable and uncertain, knowing that you cannot be entirely certain right here, right now. You are stronger than you think! Take care :)
ninkaninganinkaninga
- Date posted
- 1y
@Anonymous Idk about my past experiences but i do fear that some of them actually must mean that im just gay😞 also, i analyze again my past, my childhood, what if i had feelings for girls and i forgot about it and now i cant remember? Even thought i really dont remember that i had feelings for girls. And i dont think so. I dont think i had. Yes, i think i always forget about relevant facts, and i think i overthink them and it makes me think that even those facts are not real. And i make this conclusion based on how i feel i guess, cuz now i feel awful. It feels real, so it must be real. It’ awful. It definitely must be real and it feels like i know its real, like i know its real, like i know im gay and that ive always known, and just cant and dont want to accept it and admit it. This is how I feel😓😓
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
@ninkaninga I hear you. However, the more you try to dig into your past and find clues that indicate you are this or that, the more confused you’ll be. And you will most definitely find things that might indicate you are what you don’t want to be. Take a leap of faith and trust yourself. You would know if you ever were attracted to girls. So, drop the coin and try to stop burying into your past. Let’s say you had a friend that was going through the exact same thing as you are right now, what would you tell them? Would you be examining their past like you are examining yours? Probably not. You would probably trust them when they told you “I’m pretty sure I never was attracted to girls”. You wouldn’t be cross examining them. Have some empathy for yourself. You are doing your best at living an honest life, and you should give yourself some credit for that. Again, try not to settle on an answer right here and now, accept the feeling of uncertainty and go do something you enjoy. I know it is so so very hard. But you can do it :)
Nicolas:)Nicolas:)
- Date posted
- 1y
@ninkaninga I feel like that too, I even sometimes have memories of things I didnt even remenber happening in the first place or things that did happened but details are different like, maybe I blush or maybe I did feel something rather than had a though, etc
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
Also, because you are in the midst of an emotional soup (so to speak), try not to draw any conclusions and, like I said, go do something you enjoy even though you feel uncomfortable and uncertain. The brain can make imaginary things feel very, very real, otherwise we wouldn’t have disorders like OCD, for instance. So take a deep breath and know that no matter what, you are deserving of love and help.
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 23w
Am I even straight anymore?
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 22w
I need this to end.
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
edimichael
- Date posted
- 20w
acceptance
it feels like i accepted being gay and thats part of who i am but i still feel that tension and fake attraction whenever i see a man and i feel like i could be able to have a sexual intercourse with a man even though i dont want it is it still hocd or just denial? like i am feeling okey but there is still that doubt that how can i know that im not gay if i dont get disgusted by gay things or gay personality traits and at the same time i want to feel normal again like before
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