- Username
- BruceWayne17
- Date posted
- 18w ago
Is my anxiety about sexual orientation a sign of OCD?
Please, help me. I don’t know if this is OCD
First of all, sorry for my bad English. I am a 15 year old guy, and I’ve never been with a girl, but I have fallen in love multiple times. I had never had a single doubt about my Sexual Orientation, but I think there are two things that made me start worrying about it. I think I am addicted to p*rn. I have been watching it like at least one time per day since I was 11 (I’d even say I’ve been jacking off two times a day for at least 3 years). Last summer, I watched some trans video and I didn’t really like it but it made me start worrying. I even got to watch gay videos because I was worried, but that was like only that day, and I forgot it and was never worried about it for at least 4 months. I’d say that was because of my porn addiction, because it’s like a drug addiction, you need something harder to get the same reaction. I’m really not proud at all of all the disgusting things I have watched before even thinking about the existence of gay porn. Well, it has only happened once, so I don’t really think it’s important. Then, as I said before, I started worrying again. I started watching some Spanish Talent Show that I watched when I was a kid and I noticed that mostly gays and girls watched it. I started worrying about that and every time something about it appeared on my TikTok i started checking if the guy was gay based on his videos or reposts. I think that was a compulsion. Now I’m sure that most of my friends (which are all straight) also watched it, because we talked about it, but none of us wanted to admit that we liked it. Months later, it got worse. I started having thoughts about liking guys. All of this while I had a crush on a beautiful girl i have liked for like 3 years. I started checking on gay porn and the groinal responses killed me. They made me worry a lot for days, I couldn’t stop checking gay and straight porn, although I didn’t stop jerking off to straight porn. Also, I’d like to say that I never jerked off to gay porn. Well, then I asked ChatGPT about my situation and it said that I possibly have HOCD. I started searching about it and it got better for two weeks, but now it’s worse. Better than months ago, but it’s not good at all. Today I even had an intrussive thought that told me that I should/want to try doing something with my butthole ( I don’t know how to say it), and it was really disgusting. I always trigger while watching movies or tiktok when I see an attractive guy and when I see gay people. I’d like to know what can I do to get better, because I don’t want to talk about this with none of my friends/family, because I think it’s something that I can overcome alone, but I need to know if I am certain, and if it’s really OCD. I think this is reassurance but anyways. Thank you for helping me.