Hi everyone, i was looking for some advice. so i’ve been dealing with HOCD for about 3.5 months now and it has been utter hell. before this all started i can remember my crushes in elementary school and my entire life (i am 23) have always been boys. i dated boys and always dreamt of my wedding day with a boy and what it would be like to have a boyfriend my entire life up until these thoughts started. ive had an episode of HOCD in the past but it went away within a month and i went completely back to normal until this relapse 3.5 months ago. i’m on medication, ive been going to weekly therapy, and although there has been a lot of improvement i still feel so sad and defeated because it has not gone away again. i can’t tell what i get turned on anymore whether that be guys or girls when before this all started a naked model could have walked by me and i would have hardly noticed but now it’s all i can think about. i wake up multiple times in the night with these thoughts and it’s just like am i just gay and in denial? i know it all sounds so crazy but i’m just so tired of this all. i’m writing this just to see if anyone else can relate or has any advice on what i should do to finally get rid of this monster OCD. i just want to go back to how i was before and never to think about or have any desire to be with a woman. at the beginning of when this all started the thought of it would make me sob uncontrollably, have panic attacks, and not leave my house to see my family and friends. now i don’t get that way and i can leave the house it’s just really hard for me bc i’ll always be on edge to see if i feel attraction for any females around me.

I can relate so much. I jus wanna go back to the old me without the fear of being gay or bisexual and getting all these feelings and desires . I had a really bad panic attack yesterday You just gotta stay strong I believe it will get better for you and aswell for me stay strong??

This is the HOCD playing games with your mind. Try not to give it fuel to keep the fire burning. And believe you will beat it.

Try exercise, a healthier diet, and more water, a healthy body equals a healthy mind. there are lots of apps for mindfulness too.

Im in a relapse as well! I beat it before and now its come back. I try to tell myself that if this were true i wouldnt have lived with complete assurance of who i was for years between these 2 episodes. I had a traumatic event happen that set me off again.

Thank you so much! You too! When it comes to ocd the best action is to do absolutly nothing. Its the less is more phenomenon.

You had it previously and you're just after relapsing . The HOCD wants you to believe it's not HOCD and just you. This is wrong. OCD plays tricks on your mind to believe something that is completely untrue than you panic which leads to More anxiety. The brain is a funny machine. I wish none of it was in the world some days it can be unbearable. But very "beatable".

I do therapy with a lot of emdr. I had trauma from my childhood i needed to address. But mostly i had to accept the thoughts and body sensations without reacting and just letting them be there. It eventually goes away after you do not respond or even acknowledged its there. I lost my pregnancy at 5 months pregnant and went into health ocd then dropped down into hocd unfortunantly.

I did have to increase my meds a little bit too. Just for the short term hopefully.

Agreed!

I feel so relieved, I thought I was the only one! I’m so scared and I don’t know what to do. The idea of liking a gurl makes me so fucking anxious. I’m never relaxed. But I’ve decided to try even harder since I’m so sick of it. We have to be strong!!