Can OCD be ego-syntonic?

Yes-yes. There is one thing that fuels this retroactive jealousy stuff too. You know, humanity has been obsessed with women's virginity and purity for thousands of years - and that's fuels the doubts whether what you think is true or not.

You know, it's hard to say. Usually, I get a trigger (e.g. me and my doing some intimate things and I have a question whether she did this with someone before me). I have anxiety and when she answers "no", this makes me calm a bit. Of course, sometimes these getting worse and a next question arises and so on. Sometimes I even need her to answer 3 times to the same question to get this "perfect" feeling to calm myself. Usually this happens when I have a feeling that there might be something wrong or "dirty" with her past and I need to assure myself that everything is ok, that her past is normal (I ofter reassure myself with asking my parents, searching internet, statistics, reddit opinions etc) and when I make my gf "clean" in my head, I get calm.

@macbheatha Yeah that's clearly a compulsion. The intrusive question "what if" appears and you need reassurance so you ask that question to solve the uncertainty. So it's a case of an intrusive question and feeling the need to get an answer to that doubt, that's why you keep asking and it feels like you want it.

But I think that somewhere deep in me, I believe that I am against promiscuity (my gf has not been promiscuous though). That's why I am afraid that that retroactive jealousy theme may be partially ego-syntonic, since (sorry, I am not offending anyone, that's my preference) I know I would never date a promiscuous girl. I'm not judging, that's just how I feel.

@macbheatha I get what you're trying to say, it's a bit complex to explain it because it's some kind of a syllogism that gets lost in translation, I think that you're confusing yourself with the use of those two words. Your theme in general is relationship right? I think that you're afraid of anything that might change the view of your girlfriend, so you have these what ifs and doubts pop up in your mind. It's still egodystonic, because your theme is about NOT wanting something because it bothers you. They bother you because you don't want those thoughts, you don't like it. Fear = promiscuousity = unwanted = not aligned with your desires. That's egodystonic, those what ifs and doubts comes off as anti-desire and do not align with your morals. So what I'm trying to say is that the theme (promiscuity) itself is egodystonic, because you don't like it and you fear it. These types of OCD thoughts that are not automatic intrusive thoughts" but doubts and what ifs align with you NOT wanting such "triggering element", that's why you feel like they are ego-syntonic in a sense, but that isn't the opposite of ego-dystonic because it is used in a different context. You're thinking that NOT wanting something means "ego-syntonic". but you're agreeing with NOT wanting it, not with WANTING it. (+) × (-) still equals = (-) What is ego-syntonic is not your theme but the core values that oppose to it. You agree with the "subject" and disagree with the "object". But in that case it doesn't make much sense to use that word, it just makes things confusing. Because intrusive thoughts do not come always as intrusive affirmations like "I want x" (but in reality you don't), they also come as "I don't want y!! what if it is y??" = you don't want y, and whatever "y' is hindering you with is probably an obsession of something you don't want. It's difficult to explain it, if I find a better and a simpler explanation I will tell you.

@macbheatha By the way in general what you should do in this case is to accept uncertainty about whether your girlfriend has a promiscuous past or not. Because each time you answer the questions that OCD raises (which are always questions you don't like) you reinforces the habit, the neural pathway of that particular theme. We need to weaken it, each time you embrace uncertainty you remove a brick from the neural pathway, with enough practice of ERP that neural pathway will crumble and you'll be free of these doubts.