What’s the theme of your prayers?

Idk if this is common. Praying for something to me currently just seems just like a thought. So if I want a fantasy “amen.” This includes a fantasy where I’m escaping the world from aliens and go on a space adventure, and a bunch of people die. But I prayed for that quickly cause I wanted the fantasy aspect and said “amen” in my head and didn’t feel like a bad person. I don’t think I’d normally pray for it. Then ocd inserted a fantasy where the aliens attack a specific group of people. Well I like the fantasy idea. So I prayed for it in my head and said “amen,” and didn’t feel like a bad person. But I’m wondering if I am. This praying stuff then can apply to all sorts of things I want, including any desires that maybe I shouldn’t have. I prayed to pray for it, so technically I prayed for it. It doesn’t seem bad to me at first, but it might be. I don’t know if this makes sense. Before this prayer obsession, I wouldn’t have thought much about this

TW religious ocd OCD is turning innapropriate desires into prayers. Essentially the best way I can describe it is everyone has innapropriate desires sometimes. One example is if I’m suicidal, I wouldn’t mind if a meteor hit while I was asleep. Obviously that affects other people too, but if it’s not my fault, selfishly I want it. Well, it essentially turns that “I want this” thought into me thinking towards god “this would be nice if it happens.” Especially if it wasn’t my fault at all, I wouldn’t mind. My brain can VERY easily turn that into a prayer. All I have to do is direct it for a second towards god, and boom, technically it’s a prayer. Has anyone else had this? It really seems like ocd, even if it is VERY technically a prayer. It doesn’t seem like a normal, thought out prayer

I have an obsession with doing bad prayers and it’s worse cause of meta ocd. I feel like I can psyche myself out into doing prayers I wouldn’t normally actually do. It’s not all just intrusive prayers either, but that is part of what Meta ocd is targeting. One issue, is that because of it, I’ll start praying for every little thing, like there to be enough soap, etc. I wouldn’t normally pray for this, but thanks to meta OCD I am and I still want it. This creates a bigger issue when there are other desires I have that I want but wouldn’t normally pray for. I can psyche myself out into possibly praying for those and meaning it, however this would not normally happen. Basically there is the fear of doing the prayer I know I could do. Then the fear of the fear of the prayer. Then the fear of the fear of the fear of the prayer, and it causes a lot of anxiety, and can lead to me actually doing it. I’m sure there can be confusion as to how much I mean things, but ocd will also hand select things I can mean (not just intrusive thoughts, since meta ocd is targeting things that aren’t intrusive thoughts). One way this goes away is if I allow myself to pray for all the bad things, even if I mean it. Because everything will go away, including praying for enough soap or something. But then I’m stuck on the fact that I prayed for the specific things. If I don’t do it, I’m stuck worrying about how my mind is going to manipulate me into praying for something