Am I crazy? Help me please

@veinsoul Thank you🫶🏼 so you are not diagnosed either?

@ninkaninga yep! I’m undiagnosed. I found out abt OCD one day when I was having horrible thoughts like never before and was just researching anything for signs of something (a compulsion) & eventually found ppl talking abt OCD! I looked more into it & felt some relief. then I saw this app being advertised on instagram. finally decided to download after thinking abt it for a bit. was amazed to see people going thru similar things! I have gotten the chance to just vent/ask for advice and so far it’s been good. although, ik some posts won’t get replies. maybe this app isn’t that well-known. sorry, I started talking more haha, but yeah. I’m not diagnosed with OCD. I do share many symptoms though. I discovered it at the age of 20 I believe. if not, maybe 19 almost to 20. I’m 21 now. it’s amazing how late I discovered it. I was told that it’s common for ppl to learn at this age :p

@veinsoul Ive got these thoughts firstly when i was 14, back then it wasnt that strong but i still couldnt get rid of the thoughts. Then it somehow went away, then came back again. Then went away, and came back. It came back almost every 2 months. But it was still there. It never fully went away. When i was 16 I still didnt know whats going on with me and at this time i felt like im literally gonna die and kill myself. It was pure hell. Literally it was a torture. But then i realized i might have OCD. I felt relief, ive read all symptoms of ocd and i was like whattt??? Im dealing with this??? This has a name?? But suffering continued. It was so bad. So bad. 😔 im 20 now

@ninkaninga yeaaahhh, it’s unfortunate to have OCD but the amount of people that are going thru it gives me hope. the earliest time I can remember having intrusive thoughts was about when I was 14-15, which is on the same boat as you. they had me so confused & I had “wtf?” moments but I continued on with my day. now it’s like destroying the way I identify with myself. literally makes me question everything about myself and if I’m a good person at all. it rlly sucks. I do hope to get a diagnosis soon….but I’m dealing with other things right now. wish mental healthcare wasn’t a hassle when it comes to costs >_<

@veinsoul but when i have better moments or moments when it doesnt bother me that much (understand : im trying to be happy, im trying to ignore it and i feel unhappy and these thoughts even though im not obssesing right now, they are still in my mind) i feel like its not ocd because im not in panic 24/7 now. 🙁 but these thoughts are there….even though they bother me but i do not feel anxious 24/7 as it used to before.

@ninkaninga that’s a very common thing. many people with OCD experience that, so you’re not alone. what you’re explaining here is happening with me too. ofc, I get upset but not as much as before. which is good! that means you’re improving. and ofc, OCD is gonna attack u by saying “oh you’re not reacting like u should. you’re a bad person.” that’s what OCD does. the best thing to do is to be uncomfortable with the thought, acknowledge it and let it pass. it’s a hard thing to do. I obviously having done ERP, but have done some exposures to fears by choice (and by outside forces out of my control.) one theme has definitely improved but is still there. yes, I have my bad moments, but I’m trying my best. that’s what matters. you can do this!!! hang in there.

@veinsoul haven’t done ERP** sorry, typo

@veinsoul Do you struggle with sexual orientation ocd also?😔 i feel like i cant do this anymore, literally, im just crying today, nothing else, it feels so real, i feel desperate, i feel so weak, my body is so weak i feel like i have no one to talk with that this is all true, im just miserable.

@ninkaninga yes, I also struggle with that as well. it sucks but at least for me, I think I’m better at accepting uncertainty for that theme. although I am anxious of the ‘real thing’ it’s on & off and not my main theme at the moment, but it is there. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. it’s rough. and yes, it can feel so real, which makes it much harder to keep ourselves together. I would recommend therapy if you can afford to do so. maybe not on here, since I’ve heard about billing issues with NOCD, which is unfortunate. perhaps try looking for professionals that specialize with OCD diagnosis in your area. the good part is that you’re here. you’re taking a big step by acknowledging these intrusive thoughts and wanting to get help.

@veinsoul How long do you struggle with this? For me its 6 years on and off 😞

@ninkaninga sorry for the late reply. honestly, I think around 14-15. maybe earlier. I can hardly remember most of my childhood. but at that age, it was more like “wtf?” and then I moved on with my day. yes, I was confused, but I didn’t ruminate like I do today. I realized it could be OCD when I was around 20, if not 19-turning-20.

@Anonymous Now it makes me scared that what if ive been living in a lie, and my fear is actually true and that i do not have ocd :(

@ninkaninga Have you been officially diagnosed?

@Anonymous No😔 ive never been to proffesional😖😖 but i had all symptoms, everything….i could relate with everyone who is dealing with Hocd

@ninkaninga You should do the therapy. I think you'll feel better and most likely be confirmed ocd

@Anonymous but many people selfdiagnosed themselves :( or should i feel bad that i did it?

@ninkaninga Don't feel bad. I self diagnosed for years because of my compulsive actions. I was only officially diagnosed last year, when I was also diagnosed ADHD... Im 38