OCD

I feel really lost in life, I don’t recognize my self, I’m 23 years old and about a year and a half ago my HARM OCD started and it’s all I think about all day, I have this weird feeling. I know it gets better because it got better about a year ago but this time it came back stronger, I don’t what to do, like I know I don’t want to become this person but my brain is telling me that I won’t get better and to not get therapy nor do anything to make it better because I am a bad person. I want a happy life without these thoughts. I have the most disturbing thoughts and I just feel sick all the time and I don’t know how I’m able to live like this. It’s been a month since it came back and I’ve been surviving somehow. I can’t even look someone in the eyes because my ocd will say that I wanna hurt them and I desire it but I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME THIS PERSON. I hope it gets better because I’m afraid going to hurt my self in order for my thought to end since it will be the only way to protect others.

Username: micahblueemicahbluee

Date posted: 23w ago

it sounds like you really value a life in recovery. i always try to listen to my values and not the OCD or other disorders i deal with. i hope the best for you.

Username: justlivejustlive

Date posted: 23w ago

Hi. Please don’t hurt yourself to stop the thoughts, if you’re truly feeling like that please get help immediately. I have to say I know exactly what you’re going through and I feel for you. I get how scary and overwhelming it can be, I was literally you a few years ago. I know you probably hear this all the time but I promise it gets better. I use to have such horrible harm ocd that I avoided certain people and situations. I would think it’s better and it would come back stronger like how you’re describing. The thing with ocd is it never goes away fully you just learn to manage it to a point where it doesn’t bother you anymore or have this strong of and effect on your daily life. It’s hard to accept and it took me a long time but once I did it definitely helped my recovery. Also I’ll say if you’re not in therapy specifically for ocd you need to start. ERP was hard but completely gave me my life back. Working with a therapist through NOCD changed my life around. I’ll be honest it took a while and a lot of hard work but I’m completely feeling back to my happy self. I promise it will get better just keep trying every day and know the world is a better place with you in it. Sending love and healing your way💗

Username: justlivejustlive

Date posted: 23w ago

@justlive Also it took me a long time to get proper therapy and even then I wasn’t putting in my full effort because I was so tired. The sooner you start the better it will be. Take that step even though it’s hard and I promise you will feel the positive effects

Username: haleymoriartyhaleymoriarty

Date posted: 23w ago

Hi love!! I can tell you don’t want to hurt yourself, you’re just fearful that it will get to the point where you’ll need to because its so painful. I have that too but remember it is JUST ANOTHER FEAR!!! Hope this helps

Username: Brooke cookieBrooke cookie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w ago

It does get better but you have treat your ocd. I have spend the last 6 months learning how to treat my ocd and break the ocd cycle. I am going a lot better. I have harm ocd I know it is hard and feels like your are going turn in to a monster. Please do not treat ocd thoughts as real thoughts that will just cause you to feel like yourself does not equal yourself. When you don’t feel like yourself it causes a lot of health problems like self distrust, and self dissociation. Please don’t go down that path with ocd where you don’t know you who are anymore. Ocd is part of your anxiety, not part of you or your logic part of your brain. Ocd thoughts are not logical and don’t make sense, if you try to think of ocd thoughts as real thoughts it will just cause you to be confused about yourself because it won’t add up.

Username: Luis323Luis323

Date posted: 19w ago

I feel exactly the same, or worst. I start to believe that I an really a person who has some tendencies to be a weird psycho or a killer

Username: Ocdsucks56Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 16w ago

@Luis323 Literally, it such an awful feeling

Username: vjcqzvjcqz

Date posted: 16w ago

I’m 23 too and also feeling lost in life. My ocd flared up BAD a few days ago and I just felt complete despair. It seems like every time it comes back it’s worse and I worry this time is different, this time it’s real or won’t go away. But every single time I worry that, and every single time it does get better. Maybe this will help you.

Username: Ocdsucks56Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 16w ago

@vjcqz When I worry, then I do a compulsion where I check my feelings and I be like oh I am a good person because I worried but it making worse.

Username: vjcqzvjcqz

Date posted: 16w ago

@Ocdsucks56 I totally understand, it’s so hard to resist doing the compulsions when they bring relief. I think one of the most important things to remember when trying to overcome ocd is that you know yourself better than your ocd does. You can trust yourself and believe in yourself and know that you’re a good person. My ocd always tries to get me to doubt and ruminate and check that I actually am good, a lot of the time I get swept up in it. But ultimately it helps for me to tell me ocd something like “I don’t have to listen to you, I know myself better than you do, I don’t need you to be a good person, I can be good on my own” Maybe this will help you?

Username: Ocdsucks56Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 16w ago

@vjcqz Yes, thank you so much for your words. Sometimes nothing helps and I don’t know what to do but I hope this help me.

Username: vjcqzvjcqz

Date posted: 16w ago

@Ocdsucks56 I hope so too. Don’t lose hope! <3

Username: Naeun

Date posted: 4y ago

Hey guys so I had harm ocd for the first time back in 2017 and it lasted till 2019. It was absolute torture. It was so bad I couldn’t stop crying I thought I was going insane. The therapist was trash and just wanted to throw me on meds but I don’t want any meds. The therapist didn’t even specialize in OCD. Somehow it went away and I’m been living a happy life for 9 months till it somehow came back. While I was good I would think about it and be like wow I’m really cured, but it’s back and it’s haunting me and bringing past memories and haunting me back how I used to felt. Now I’m convinced this is gonna stay for years and not go away and I’m gonna end up killing my family on their sleep. Suddenly become violent and listen to the urges. It’s so bad. I just want peace and live life like everyone else. But I can’t anymore. What am I gonna do. I can’t live my 20s peacefully anymore.

Username: BetterDays

Date posted: 3y ago

Does anyone especially with harm ocd feel like they are their thoughts and want to do these things? Like no matter how hard I try and even during my therapy session I get the constant, “what if this isn’t OCD?”, “you like these thoughts”, “your a bad person”, “your going to act on these thoughts.” It gotten to the point where it feels like I’m actually this person and that I have changed into an evil person and it’s so scary cause it’s gotten to the point where it feels like I’m never going to get my life back and that’s saddening. I’ve never had a violent history never hurt anyone or anything but I don’t know why it feels like I am.

Username: nattieee

Date posted: 2y ago

Does it get better?

I struggle with suicidal and harm ocd, which have been unbearable and came back into my life. The whole month of July has been living in a nightmare, I'm starting to feel very discouraged I started erp but I feel like I'm getting worse. These intrusive thoughts are very scary and the urges feel even worse. I can't stop ruminating at all that's my only compulsion, and I'm worried of losing control and going crazy as well. I want to be happy but I'm focusing on these thoughts 24/7 because of how real they feel. 🥺

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