questioning if I have OCD/Story

Hello everyone I'm a bit new here. Before I get started, this post is going to talk a lot about harm OCD along with sharp objects, if this triggers any of you guys, I suggest to read with caution. I am 19 about to turn 20 on July 31st, I currently suffer from Epilepsy, ADHD, PTSD, MDD, and GAD (as far as I know). I suffer intrusive thoughts daily. When I was 16 I used to live in a house with emotionally and mentally ABUSIVE family members. Along with one of one of my family members passing away that same year. I remembered staying up until 3 in the morning on the 6th of June and I had my first intrusive thought of losing control and cutting my Brother's throat with a knife while he was sleeping. (He is 4 year younger than me btw). I remembered getting so scared, I asked my mom to hide the knives from the kitchen and I couldn't sleep for almost 1/2 weeks (insomnia). I remembered my grandmother fighting my mom with it and I heard my uncle and grandma talking to my mom if I continued to hide knives then I should be put in a psychiatric ward for being scared. Then, the rituals began where I blocked the kitchen doorway with a fan and I always believed if someone heard me kick it and such they would immediately wake up to it and stop me from losing control. I also remember every time I went in the kitchen, I shut one or both my eyes to not look at the knives. (They were in a cutting block in the open. There was no doors in my room, and I used to sleep in a bunk bed.) I remember being told how I was going to take care of my baby sister later on because I fear knives and still do to this day along with scissors because of the blades. I don't remember anything in my childhood where I had traumatic experiences with knives. I remember growing up to scary movies though since I was 2. I'm still very scared of touching knives or looking at them, and it's worsened to scissors or anything that's as long or longer than a knife. I still get panic attacks even though I moved out with my mom, step dad, little brother, and almost 4 month old sister and in a better environment. One time when scrolling, I accidentally saw something on YouTube about survival and it showed the exact same thing I feared of, and now it won't leave me head.. I'm very distressed about it and am trying to forget about it but I feel like nothing is working and it's draining. I have not been Diagnosed with OCD yet, but plan to talk to my psychiatrist about it.. for a very long time I thought I was a monster or a very violent pr horrible person eith these intrusive thoughts.. I will share more in the future, but it's something I wanted to get off my chest for a long time and ask if it i a a possibility if I do have OCD. Because I do mumble to myself "I'm not hurting myself, I'm not hurting her/him/them" over and over when with sharp objects or near them/in sight.. It's very exhausting both mentally and physically.