- Date posted
- 1y
Articles that seem helpful but still don’t solve the problem
Good morning, I check my emails every day and this morning there was an article from NOCD about the deeper “cost” at not getting effective and consistent treatment early on and the toll it takes on those around you. Here’s the article: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-price-of-going-untreated?utm_source=braze&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=canvas_Top_Costly_T4 And yes, we know. We know the toll it takes on our loved ones around us and it’s a guilt we carry in addition to all of the other guilt from even having OCD in the first place, a disorder that dictates most of our lives, relationships and interactions. While this article IS true, and yes the “cost” of NOT getting proper help would be more in the long run, it still doesn’t get rid of the fact that there is not good mental health coverage through insurance, let alone people properly trained to help others with OCD.. as we all know OCD requires specialized training in the techniques needed to treat OCD, not to mention someone trained to know the signs and symptoms of OCD so that a person isn’t misdiagnosed and treated for the wrong disorder. When my OCD first got really bad, I DID reach out to many, many people. I was not one to ask for help, it made me feel exposed and gross actually, but I knew this (OCD) was something worse and harder to deal with than I had ever faced and I had no idea how to get help, nor did anyone else around me. We’ve had insurance for many many years. But never insurance that would cover regular therapy sessions for those trained and specialized in OCD. So I avoided getting help from people who weren’t specifically trained to deal with OCD after reading article after article detailing how crucial it was to find someone who specializes in OCD otherwise it could potentially make things worse. I got on medication many times and was off and on it through out my life. It would make things better for a while and things would get bad again. It was only ever masking the disorder, not treating it. I would occasionally have breakdowns where I would go to emergency mental health centers and reach out to loved ones desperately trying to seek out help the best way I knew how without making myself appear incompetent and pathetic. Years went on like this until there was a big life event that happened and my depression and subsequently OCD spiraled out of control again. This time things were worse than they had ever been as my theme shifted to one I couldn’t deal with, the guilt was so great. So again the spiraling happened. I began reach out for help the best way I knew how.. researching to find other people like me, reaching out to my church, praying, searching out psychiatrists, therapists, is there someone I can go to who specializes in OCD? Oh the wait to get in to see someone is several months, oh the cost to go to an OCD specialist is $250 per visit. Oh the cost for inpatient treatment with an OCD specialist, not covered by insurance, $10,000. Ok well that’s not an option. I don’t want to be a burden financially when I already am in every other way and can hardly function normally as it is. I don’t have any friends and I’m all alone struggling here with no idea what to do or how to get out of this situation. So I continue taking the meds and hoping and praying that it will make me better enough to function ENOUGH to get through life and take care of the things I need to do. I’m reaching out to specialists who are trying to help me the bit they can without actually seeing me as a patient because I can’t afford their services. Another bad episode happens and I go to the hospital. Shortly after CPS is called on me and an investigation is under way. It took the specialist I had been reaching out to vouch for me and then the investigation was done and everything calmed down as much as it could have. What did I learn through all of this? When I persist and reach out in desperation, I am penalized for it and I look incompetent and pathetic and incapable and I can’t even afford the specialized treatment available for my disorder. So again I stay in silence and take my meds inconsistently, thinking oh these do help, oh maybe they are making things worse, they aren’t helping as much as I would like them to. Why do I still have so many problems? I’m on meds, but not doing any therapy treatment because again if it’s not specialized in OCD will I be misunderstood and have people called in again? So I remain silent and I just function and exist the best way I know how and as a burden to my family. Fast forward many years and many things have happened throughout the years, themes have changed and went back yet a lot has stayed the same but I’ve learned to function and exist in this state of anxiety and doubt and fear and disorder and my family has adapted to my odd behavior and we’ve all just learned to function and deal with it. Yes the “cost” has weighed on me and my family and its guilt and grief for lost time that I will never get back. And it haunts me literally every day that I wake up. I get triggered watching videos and reading articles like this and if I let it, the grief of thinking about that lost time could eat me alive and spiral me into a deep depression. But I don’t let it because I still have to continue functioning and existing and moving on for my family and myself despite the fact that specialized OCD treatment is STILL unaffordable. Coverage is not great for therapy in general through insurance and I don’t have other resources available that I could use to help with this… So I guess… what I’m trying to say is.. this is another article that makes me feel a call to action and a failure on my part.. that I’ve failed my family and myself and that I’ve lost so much precious time due to my inaction. When nothing has really changed. Maybe more avenues of treatment have become available with more accessible people, but the cost really hasn’t become any better. The general public understanding of OCD really hasn’t gotten any better. I guess I will continue to take my medication and continue functioning and existing as best I can until I can find a proper way to get intensive treatment from an OCD specialist that is actually affordable.