OCD Realizations (For Perfectionists)

Hello everyone, I hope you are doing okay (or not okay - it's okay not to be okay). I wanted to share with you some realizations I've had that help me a lot, especially when I go through periods of increased symptoms/"brain stickiness": Sometimes, when my brain is sticky, I become hyperaware of every thought and decision I make, trying to decide if I'm giving into OCD or following my values. And then I get stuck ruminating about this and ruminating about the fact that I'm ruminating and ruminating on how to not ruminate, which of course makes me ruminate even more. (Do you see the pattern here??) It's at these times when I'm very tempted to turn it all on myself and criticize myself for having increased brain stickiness. I must be doing something wrong, right??! Why else would my brain be sticky right now when I've gotten so much better than I used to be?? My brain shouldn't be sticky anymore - I should feel totally calm all the time. And I'm not at the right point in my cycle (hormonally) to be experiencing this increased stickiness. So therefore it's my fault. Well, that's all BS, and I know it. OCD is a manipulative monster that loves to beat me down when I'm already down on the floor. I've learned through the last few years of ERP that all of OCD boils down to uncertainty - any chance of uncertainty means everything is wrong, time to panic, sound the alarms. So if there is any uncertainty in what I'm doing - what decisions I'm making, how i respond to my thoughts - then oh no, I'm immediately a failure. But the more I learn to embrace uncertainty (through ERP) while still experiencing periods of increased stickiness (for whatever reasons), I realize that this is all just part of the OCD cycle. Sometimes, my brain will be stickier, and that sucks. But it does NOT mean I have to figure out why it's sticky, or find ways to criticize and blame myself for the stickiness. It also means that I don't have to run to find the Goo Gone and make all the stickiness go away. (Can you imagine if there was Goo Gone for brains?? Haha) Instead, I remind myself of these major points I've learned through ERP: -We can't control our thoughts, only our responses to them. - With OCD, everything works backwards. The harder you try to either do or not something (from a place of fear/OCD), the more it backfires and goes in the opposite direction. A great example for me is trying to stop ruminating: the harder I try to stop ruminating, the more I ruminate. Or the more I try to do something that scares me because otherwise I feel like I'm avoiding it, the more I get paralyzed with fear and actually end up not doing it. So what's the best thing to do instead? Not try. (Yes, I know this sounds crazy, but trust me.) The less you try when your brain is sticky/jacked up with OCD, the more you embrace the uncertainties of life, and the more you go with the flow and enjoy the ride of life instead of fighting it. You will actually end up doing the things that scare you - not from a place of fear, but from a place of confidence and ownership over your OCD and anxiety. Now, your OCD symptoms will slowly decrease as you learn to tolerate discomfort, anxiety, and uncertainty. Not everything is knowable. Nothing is certain. -Try to have compassion for yourself (but not as a compulsion) and remember all of the amazing progress you've made and are continually making every single day!!!! -You can't think your way out of OCD, especially intrusive thoughts. Rumination doesn't solve a "problem"; it just leaves you with more "problems" that you feel like you have to solve. -OCD and your brain (amygdala) do NOT define you!!! -This too shall pass. -The only way out is through. YOU GOT THIS!!!!!!! I hope this helps anyone who is struggling. Just remember, I am an OCD Conqueror but I still go through periods of increased brain stickiness. And I still have to practice ERP and remember these points - but that doesn't make me weak or a failure!!! Take that, OCD!!!!