Ew

I downloaded this app a few days ago but this is my first time using it because idk I feel uncomfortable talking about what I’m going through. Whenever I’m on TikTok and I see videos about rape and children who are raped, it makes me really uncomfortable of course but the thing that makes me uncomfortable is when I hear about it, I’d think about it explicitly. Like a man’s body part being forced into a woman’s or a child’s and it makes me feel weird. Like when you watch porn and you feel some kind of way, idk how to explain it because I don’t wanna say it turns me on cs that would be insensitive, but like it’s weird and I hate it. The thought of it clouds my mind and it makes me cry, I feel sick and like I should talk to someone about that but I don’t wanna feel like a pedophile or labeled as someone who likes when people get raped because I really don’t, I think it’s awful that happens but it’s just the way it makes me feel.

AugustDean

Date posted: 1y

So, this really depends on your mindset with it. If you find it attractive that these people are getting hurt and traumatized, that changes things a little bit. If you're imagining these things happening to you instead of others, it may be a certain kind of fetish/kink that could be derived from trauma or something else. It could also be that your mind isn't fully thinking about the context of what's happening but instead focusing on the feeling or image in a different lighting. Next time one of these thoughts come to mind, if you can, you should try to recognize if you're thinking of the context or just the feeling. The most important factor is though, if you start planning on doing these things to someone, enjoying the idea of doing nonconsensual things to others or doing anything sexual to a minor, you should definitely seek help. If you're feeling too uncomfortable or concerned with your thoughts as well, that would be a good sign to seek help as well. It doesn't make you a bad person for having thoughts and as long as your trying to seek help if you're thoughts may turn into actions or become too much to bare.

AugustDean

Date posted: 1y

Your*

gabbi06

Date posted: 1y

@AugustDean That actually helps. I think it’s more of the feeling part because when I think of it, I think of it happening to me. The context makes me uncomfortable but sex in general whether it’s non consensual or consensual makes me feel some kind of way, I just hate that it has to be rape. And I would never think about doing things like that to another person it’s just the intrusive thoughts that make me wonder.

AugustDean

Date posted: 1y

@gabbi06 That's fair. As long as you're aware that with context specifically, it is wrong. It's also really good that you're aware of them being directed from intrusive thoughts. Though, still, possibly feeling that way about those things happening to can be derived from a possible trauma, whether it be retained or not. You should look into it a little more if possible, just in case

gabbi06

Date posted: 1y

@AugustDean Thank you I will

finches

Date posted: 20w

@gabbi06 word for word, everything youve said i relate to 100%, this was my same interpretation of it

ughhhh

Date posted: 22w

I feel gross interacting with adult content.

18+ people with this thread please. I just want some advice from people who have experienced this. Its been almost 2 years since my real event and i can confidently say that i feel a bit better about that and my thoughts. (We still have bad moments but we recover.) but, ever since then and before, i feel nasty and gross whenever i engage or interact with adult content. Like this nasty guilt or feeling like i cant interact with it because then my ocd says “this proves that your thoughts are true and your perverse” and after i always feel empty and disgusting. Besides things like that, i read adult fan fiction sometimes or even write stories for my original characters. And yesterday i shared these stories with a close in person friend of mine. (Were both in college) and they were fine about it we laughed about it but then after i felt guilty-my brain was telling me “you traumatized her she just doesn’t wanna tell you” obliviously this isn’t true but im having a hard time believing it and this morning i woke up with a deep dread that i hurt a friend and im horrible. I can say that they’re more positive about these things then me and i think thats why we got into the conversation and i felt comfortable to share these stories but i just can’t get over it. I have a strong urge to ask for reassurance but i know it wont help. I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Ive spoken to my therapist about this guilt with adult content and we have yet to expand on it especially how it goes hand in hand with my asexuality. My therapist tells me its human to feel things like this and its ok to perform self care like that and again-im a human person its usually normal for 19 year olds to be like this especially for someone my age but i dont feel normal. I feel nasty. Does anyone else feel this way? How did you confront this guilt and how did you feel comfortable again interacting with these feelings and actions again? I dont really have a desire to do s*xual things often (im on the asexual spectrum) but when i do i dont want to feel like this. Especially when my ocd types effect it. Advice is needed and appreciated thank you for your help.

Lulu~

Date posted: 20w

Someone please help me right now

I’m a csa survivor which made me develop hypersexuality while actually being a asexual individual. (Where I did CP and talked to groomers and sexted, ect ect) A few months ago I’ve started to heal, but the fact that I’ve seen so many private parts since I was idk, young? I imagine them everywhere, it’s really frustrating and sometimes I also get intrusive thoughts about other kids or my siblings. It’s deeply distributing but I also kind of think of it from a curious kind of aspect which I despise too. Honestly I have a hard time with any kid in underwear, my intrusive thoughts have been ALOT the last months and they’re really really overwhelming. I also easily go into overanalysing them or even trying to figure out more clearer the thoughts to “test myself”. I think, I hope. Idk it’s scary

POCD

Anonymousssssss

Date posted: 18w

Can someone please offer words of advice :(

Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared

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