- Date posted
- 1y
freaking out plz read
hi i’ve been in a major depressive episode this week bc of ocd and i think it’s really effecting my relationship. im gonna start by saying that i do have a couple friends but im too scared to ask them to hang out often bc i think they’ll say no for some reason? anyways this means i only really ever go to work and see my bf. recently i haven’t been doing anything inbetween to fill those gaps which has made me incredibly sad and anxious all the time. my bf was at my house yesterday and i got super anxious and started crying bc i was having bad intrusive thoughts. here is where i messed up (i think), i told him what was making me anxious all the time (which i’ve done before) and it made him feel nervous and uneasy too. i thought it would be helpful if my partner know abt my intrusive thoughts but i think i just went abt it the wrong way. so, he tells me that my repetitiveness of telling him all of these things also affects him and makes him nervous sometimes. he did clarify that this does NOT mean he wants me to withhold any of my feelings from him but rather be mindful that some of my thought can be stressful and nerve racking for him to hear. he also reassured me that he stills loves me entirely but he wants me to get better. i apologized that i ever made him feel nervous or bad bc i really never did consider what it felt like for him. and we did end the conversation on good note. however it is 2:30 am now and i can’t stop thinking abt it. i’ve convinced myself that he doesn’t love me as much anymore, that i’ve become a problem he doesn’t want to deal with, that i cant tell him anything, and that our relationship is just going to end. idk what to do. i find that during periods like this when i don’t have the friend/boyfriend balance in ppl i hang out with, my intrusive thoughts tend to cling more to him. but then that makes me feel like i’m overly obsessed with him and can’t love him how i usually do. i feel so stuck and like no matter what this is the end of me and him. i think our conversation was extremely healthy and i know he was only telling me bc he loves me and wants me to get better. this is actually the best and healthiest relationship i’ve ever been in. however since the start i’ve been under the impression that i was going to ruin it like i had been told in my past relationships. i don’t wanna ruin this. i love this man more than anything in the world. i just don’t know how to fix it. i am going on a walk tomorrow (well i guess later today) to help get me active and clear my mind. i’m praying to god that i don’t ruin this one.