- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
SOOCD Sufferer Turned Conqueror’s Advice
Earlier this year, after 7 years since I first experienced it, my SO OCD returned. When I had previously experienced it, I remember taking all these tests at the time, that said I was most likely experiencing SOOCD but I completely neglected the OCD part, and let the experience of that period of my life haunt me. When it returned this year, after weeks of worsening depression I told my wife and finally reached out to help. It was then I finally realized the OCD aspect, received a diagnosis and became aware of just how my OCD had been tormenting me through the years. I am writing this at a point where I believe I have finally conquered this theme, or at to e very least am close to conquering it. I could very well have a lapse though, but the one thing I am thankful for with this theme is that it helped me finally confront my demons, some that I didn’t even know about, and learn the tools that, hopefully, will prevent me from reaching the pit I have fallen into. As I write this too, I’ll be honest in admitting that a lot of what I have experienced this year feels like a blur. I wish I could recall every thought and feeling that I have had to help whoever takes the time to read this post, but I will do my best in just listing some tips that have helped me, especially in the last few weeks. So hopefully these help at least one person out there - Get off of social media - no Facebook, no Twitter, and especially no Reddit, even these OCD subs. You will see highly triggering things on these sites, and while you may not realize it yet, the reason you are even coming to subs like this one, is for reassurance which is only keeping OCD around more. It’s hard but the more you’re able to resist any of these the better - Stop watching porn - Whether you’re watching gay or straight porn to make sure you’re still turned on by it, or not turned on by it. Doing this will result in you performing a checking compulsion. Even then, are brains are wired to get turned on by anything sexual. If you listen to the podcast Purely OCD, they have a snippet in their episodes covering SO OCD that says it best, it that we are all animals when it comes to sex. - Get therapy - If you can afford it, and if you can’t try to reach out to someone that does OCD peer support like Chrissie Hodges - Your SO OCD may just be a disguise for another theme - Throwing their name out again but Purely OCD, both the therapists mentioned how they see SO OCD as being either moral scrupulosity OCD or existential OCD. For me I found both to play a role. A lot of the “reasons” I was actually the opposite of the orientation I thought I was, had an existential reasoning, i.e. there was some kind of extreme super repressive way my brain was actually keeping me from knowing the truth and the what happens next had a moral scrupulosity basis, I.e I have to leave my wife because it’s not fair to her - Try to be the orientation you fear - you running away from it is keeping you stuck in fear. Now for me when I see a dude. I accept that I’m going to be triggered. I even tell myself, hey, if you’re going to start liking dudes now I’ll have to get over this anxiety so, and guess what happens? Nothing. I don’t suddenly turn gay. I still feel distress sometimes and when I don’t, I’m not even thinking about figuring out what my thoughts could mean towards my sexual orientation. The simple fact that you’re feeling this distress shows that what you’re experiencing is SO OCD, and if you’re not feeling distress you’re not thinking about it and having the response you want to have. - Know that SO OCD is misunderstood - there will be people who say to just try engaging with someone of your feared orientation. These people may mean well because unlike something like harm OCD, engaging in a checking compulsion isn’t as bad, but these people are wrong. This will only lead to more confusion and distress. Trust the therapists that know what SOOCD is. - Watch out for a theme switch - OCD is a tricky beast and will do whatever it can to keep you stuck. For me my SOOCD switched to meta OCD along the way, but still wore the mask of SOOCD. I have spent months now trying to figure out if I really do have OCD and those thoughts only reminded me of my SOOCD and kept me stuck fighting that illusion while I was really fighting a new one - Trust yourself - There is a reason you think this is SOOCD. Your brain is stuck trying to find a new answer, so you can not trust the thoughts and feelings that you currently have. Instead trust the you that got you here today and work towards being a new you that sees these thoughts for what they are, meaningless. - Do not set a time table - much like anything else in life it takes people different times to learn things. Overcoming OCD take time and practice. You will have lapses and you won’t be perfect in resisting compulsions, nor need to capture if you’re doing a new compulsion right away. None of that takes away from the progress you have made and will make fighting this terrible illness. Even everything that I have written will not just “click” right away and that’s okay - OCD can do anything - if you worry if what you’re experiencing is not OCD, just know that it is, and that the answer to whatever question you want to ask as far as, can OCD, has yes as an answer. - You are not alone - that voice inside your head is a liar. You have the 4th most debilitating mental illness in the world and probably have been dealing with it longer than you have even realized. You have plenty of community with people online but know that what I have written and what others will say do not make your fight with OCd effortless. just know that you are not alone in that fight however and that you can do this!