Hocd

I dealt with this one from 2018-2021. I thought I was secretly turning gay. It was terrible. But There is light at the end of the tunnel tho. If this helps at all, the way I got through it was 1. I worked up enough courage to tell my family what I was going through. —- I know this seems like it could be an explaining compulsion but I truly believe it wasn’t. I was carrying so much hate for myself and I had such a low self a steam that once I confided in my siblings, it helped take a lot of the burden of it off my shoulders. And just knowing that people understood the degree of what I was going through helped me to slowly get over this. 2. I started with figuring out what exposure methods I could do for myself. I started small. I would just say to myself out loud “yeah I’m gay and I think it’s pretty cool” slowly over time, I became comfortable with doing little things with my friends in a joking manner such as us all slapping each other on the butt. My brother and I also made a song together and recorded it called “I’m gay” and the lyrics were us singing “I’m gay, your gay, we’re all gay huray” in like a classic ‘gay voice.’ that was a fun one because we poked fun at the idea of it which slowly chizzled away at the anxious importance of the issue over all. After some time of doing this every day, things started to litterally get better. It got to a point where I just didn’t care any more. I would even talk to myself sometimes and be like “yeah I’m gay, whatever” And even to this day, I am at a level of such comfortability with this topic that me and my friends still all slap each other on the butts and joke around about gay sex and stuff like that. Just for the fun of it. And it does not bother me in the slightest. It’s not about figuring out what side of sexuality you’re on. It’s about just giving up entirely on that thought and leaning into whatever your mind is telling you and just start agreeing with it. I know it is very hard to do that. And I know a lot of what I said probably seems impossible to understand right now, but I believe in you. I know a lot of what I just said seems scary because obviously you’re confronting it head on and agreeing with it even tho u don’t want it to be true. But it gets a lot better. Someday this won’t be an issue in your life. And if at all this helps, I did all of this without an OCD therapist to guide me. So if I can get through it, I believe that you can too. I hope you have a good day today Cheers

I feel the exact same way. Its torturous