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anyone else feel like theyve made too many mistakes in their short time being alive, to the point you just feel like *you* are the mistake? i sit and obsess all the time about the mistakes ive made growing up (im only 20, suffered with ocd since i was 15). i just feel like i used to always make these mistakes and i know most of them came from ignorance as a child but it makes me question everything about myself. it often makes me feel suicidal, that the world is better off without me. i come on here to try and make people feel better and offer support and advice when in reality, i have no grasp on my own ocd. i sit and obsess 24/7, i struggle with mindfulness, and my head is the worst place to live. its just the idea that my mistakes have impacted people, any lies i came up with, how thats impacted people (its probably not even a lot but the possibility is terrifying). ever since i was diagnosed, i have a thing for responsibility, i take on so much of it, and punish myself excessively. im very tired of fighting with myself. im tired of obsessing and doing compulsions to stop the anxiety. i just want it to stop.

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Username: shorebirdshorebird

Date posted: 20w ago

I was scrolling the app, basically because of this. I’m 20 too — I think that “barely adult” age is unfortunately the perfect grounds for this type of OCD to thrive on. We can look back as fresh adults now and wonder why we did some of the things we did, and there’s a lot of shame that can come out of that… and turn it up to 100 with OCD. I haven’t been able to leave the past alone for well over a year now. I know that I was young when I made mistakes, but I too often feel like there’s too much to forgive. Like there’s something intrinsically evil in me. I can’t scrub away the things that happened, and I don’t know how to life my life as if they never did. It feels like denial. I don’t know what I can say to make it better, but please just know you aren’t alone. I’m here too.

Username: krystal0krystal0

Date posted: 18w ago

@shorebird i really appreciate the understanding in this comment. so glad im not alone.

Username: vjcqzvjcqz

Date posted: 20w ago

I feel the same way. It’s so bad I just think that my birth was a mistake. I don’t have any good advice but maybe it will help to know that someone else shares the same or similar pain. We can bear it together.

Username: krystal0krystal0

Date posted: 18w ago

@vjcqz thank you, its nice knowing im not alone in this feeling, if it were a loved one of mine saying this to me, i know exactly the unconditional love i’d give them, but why can’t we apply the same to ourselves?

Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 4y ago

I made a huge mistake in the past. Going into it I didn't know at the time how bad the mistake was until a long time later. I so badly wish I could go back and fix it and change it. I hate myself and I feel like I deserve to die. I talked to my parents about it and they told me that I need to just let it go and stop beating myself up and that I've punished myself enough but I can't seem to shake it off and move on. I'm a Christian so I do believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins but why do I feel so bad. I feel so guilty. I would NEVER make the same mistake again knowing what I know now. Do I deserve a second chance? Is it possible that OCD can make it worse than it actually is? I need help 😭

Username: ocdnoononi

Date posted: 42w ago

Feel like I’ve made too many mistakes

As the title says I’m obsessive over my mistakes, and past actions to the point of exhaustion but also first of all- no one probably remembers or even knows to begin with these mistakes and yet I’m still punishing myself so hard I can’t even muster up happiness, I just binge eat and ruminate. But here I am cancelling my entire existence, feeling like my life is over that one too many mistakes makes my life unworthy. I wanna go back into society but I get this dread that my past will come back up and people will see it and hate me- hate me so much they kick me out of everything forever.

Username: vaIentine

Date posted: 28w ago

does anyone else’s ocd make the past 100x worse?

i’m ruminating on odd past mistakes i made and i feel so terrible and feel like i am going to be punished for them one way or another. it’s things from 6+ years ago to things that happened literally last year. i feel sick and feel like the nastiest person for my mistakes, my ocd has been latching onto my moral compass and attacking it like crazy :( idk what to do :(

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