questioning

Sometimes I fear if I actually love my bf or I jjst love who he is to me. I love our friendship and I love spending time with him it’s never draining the draining part is mostly my THOIGHTS I’d say but sometimes yk I think of how much he loves me and I don’t normally feel what he feels I think my honeymoon phase ended and he’s still going and I know love is a choice and before my bf wasn’t who I expected on my head but I did grow to except that he’s not perfect and that’s ok I can except that he’s different doesn’t mean he’s bad for me and sometimes I have other moments where I realize he’s like someone who’s I’ve always wanted I do suffer from SOOCD and ROCD so idk if this is it I don’t want to break up with him bc I do enjoy having him in my life aside when I’m not anxious I love being around him has anyone ever thought this or felt this?

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y

It sounds like you're going through a lot of inner turmoil, and it's really tough when your thoughts start to make you question your feelings. First, it's important to acknowledge that you're not alone—many people with ROCD (Relationship OCD) and SOOCD (Sexual Orientation OCD) experience similar doubts and fears. Your thoughts about whether you truly love your boyfriend or if you just love what he represents to you are classic ROCD themes. ROCD can make you hyper-focus on these doubts and question the authenticity of your feelings. The fact that you love spending time with him, that it's not draining to be around him, and that you recognize his imperfections but still care deeply for him, all point to genuine affection and love. However, OCD has a way of magnifying doubts and making you question even the most meaningful connections. Here are a few things that might help: Understand that ROCD can create doubts that feel very real, even when they're not based on reality. It can make you question your relationship in ways that others might not experience. Knowing this can help you recognize when your thoughts are being influenced by OCD. Love is more than just a feeling; it's also about the choices you make and the actions you take. It's okay if you don't always feel the same level of intensity as your boyfriend—relationships naturally evolve over time. Since you're dealing with ROCD and SOOCD, it might be helpful to join the NOCD family, where every therapist is trained to treat OCD using Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP is the gold standard for OCD treatment, and working with a therapist who understands these specific challenges can be incredibly beneficial. You're not alone in feeling this way. Many people with ROCD have similar thoughts and experiences. Finding a support group or online community where you can share your experiences might help you feel more understood and less isolated. Remember, it's not about achieving certainty but rather learning to live with the uncertainty that OCD tries to exploit. By addressing these thoughts with the right support and tools, you can learn to manage them and focus on what truly matters in your relationship.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

I feel like I don’t love him sometimes 💔

I realized I’ve depended a lot on my boyfriend for comfort through my ocd, and I’m starting to feel like even before my ocd I was paying more attention to the relationship itself more than him, or the attachment: even though I remember distinct feelings of me wanting to be with him forever, and feeling so happy and complete with him, time didn’t exist, I felt like my most authentic self. So now I’m trying to create a healthy attachment and see him as his own person, which was helping at first, but now it feels as if I’m seeing that I don’t actually love him for him, the thought of moving forward in life without him breaks my heart and I don’t want to but my mind keeps telling me that I want it because of the attachment. He’s the exact type of person and partner I would want but it feels like whatever I feel is not enough.. But I DO experience moments of affection and care and admiration for him but they don’t last long..before I started making this shift in perspective even with the ocd I was still so sure and confident in moving forward with him, I felt so much like I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. But now that I’ve made this shift it feels like I’m seeing him from a whole different place. Like all those good and happy feelings I had for him are gone now and I don’t have any confidence in what I want anymore. Before I did feel confident that I wanted to be with him but now it feels like there’s this wall between him and me :( I want to be with him I know I do, because even now I still feel the desire to keep going, but I can’t see the future anymore or the confidence to keep going. I was never much of a future thinker, even in my personal life but this feels like added proof I feel like I’m alone in this like no one else has this situation and the chances for me to realize after I recover that I don’t actually love him are so much higher 💔

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

scary rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 18w

please read

Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth

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