Hey, it's funny timing seeing this post, as I've just started discussing the possibility that I might be autistic with my therapist.
Right now, I'm at the "probably" autistic stage, but I can't say for sure yet. So, I won't speak about the autistic experience, but I can share mine as someone diagnosed with OCD for three years who also struggles with social issues.
I used to be scared about this too. Two years ago, I had the same obsession, but my therapist told me it was unlikely. I felt really embarrassed.
Throughout my life, people have joked, "Are you autistic or what?"—often because I don’t get sarcasm, can’t lie, or am too blunt. It upset me because, to them, being different meant being autistic.
But even my friends thought so. And now, they're convinced, maybe even more than I am. I explained to them that I'm neurodivergent, that it might just be that. But they respond : "Are you kidding us ? There is no way you are not autistic". (But don't forget that your friends are not specialists.)
However, I’ve found myself relating to a lot of autism-related content, which has been pretty scary. It had become an obession. I read every piece of information about it. And had this "I'm just faking it" syndrome.
Autism is complicated and exists on a spectrum. For some, it's obvious. For others, like me, with traits like being social, extroverted, or making long-term friends, it's harder to pinpoint.
I enjoy talking to people because I find them interesting, but I struggle with social norms, cues, boundaries, and subtleties. "Reading between the lines" isn't something I do. There are plenty other aspects too, like hyper-fixations and hypersensitivity. (I made a 7 pages essay to my therapist, with 5 axis, and color-coded.)
I've always been "too much"—too loud, too rigid, too talkative, too anxious, too sensitive. I always thought I was great at socializing, far from being autistic. But now I realize that’s NOT the case. I havr encounter plenty of socials difficulties this year. My friends have even told me that nearly everyone notices my "social quirks," and that's okay.
What I'm saying is, you might be autistic, or you might not be. Either way, it's okay. And plenty of people have gone through life without knowing. Just look up "late-diagnosed autistic" online.
There's nothing to be afraid of. If you think it's impossible, don't let your OCD take over. But if you’re curious, like I am, talk to a specialist about it.
