- Date posted
- 1y
Pocd help
The pocd thoughts have really been messing me up lately and it's even more stressful when I have multiple younger siblings. I feel so disgusting by it but I don't know what to do so I just need help. How do I avoid this even. I feel so bad for my siblings I can't control it. Please believe me when I say I can not control it and if I could I would not. I feel like everybody knows and automatically assumes I'm weird like that and I swear I'm not. I feel like I am but deep down I can't be because it repulses me. I can't do anything around them without having these thoughts and I feel so so bad and it's so disgusting and it scares me so bad because what if I hurt them one day? Or what if I did something without realizing it and they grow up traumatized. What is they get a vibe from me that I'm a pedophile and when I hug them they're scared of me. I get scared and I'm scared that my mom thinks that I am and I am not I know I'm not and I want to control the thoughts and OCD but even if it's just OCD it feels so real. I'm scared to ask for help from my mom because what if she already thinks I'm one and then this just gives her more proof and she thinks I'm lying. I would never touch a child in that way. Ever. What if I did something to my brother as a kid and I forgot it but he remembers?? It's all the time. If I look at a child or a baby I start thinking "am I just looking at it because I'm attracted to it" then I just starts flooding in. I feel like everybody knows I'm a pedophile and that I'm dangerous and I get scared that that's true. It's not true. Im not disgusting like that but if I have these thoughts am I??? Is it different for me?? What if I don't have pocd and I'm just a pedophile???? What if I made a child uncomfortable or did something worse without knowing it?? It's stressful but sometimes it gets too much. It's graphic and makes me sick sometimes. But I still feel terrible for having these sick thoughts. I don't know how to fix myself but I want to.