Pocd help

The pocd thoughts have really been messing me up lately and it's even more stressful when I have multiple younger siblings. I feel so disgusting by it but I don't know what to do so I just need help. How do I avoid this even. I feel so bad for my siblings I can't control it. Please believe me when I say I can not control it and if I could I would not. I feel like everybody knows and automatically assumes I'm weird like that and I swear I'm not. I feel like I am but deep down I can't be because it repulses me. I can't do anything around them without having these thoughts and I feel so so bad and it's so disgusting and it scares me so bad because what if I hurt them one day? Or what if I did something without realizing it and they grow up traumatized. What is they get a vibe from me that I'm a pedophile and when I hug them they're scared of me. I get scared and I'm scared that my mom thinks that I am and I am not I know I'm not and I want to control the thoughts and OCD but even if it's just OCD it feels so real. I'm scared to ask for help from my mom because what if she already thinks I'm one and then this just gives her more proof and she thinks I'm lying. I would never touch a child in that way. Ever. What if I did something to my brother as a kid and I forgot it but he remembers?? It's all the time. If I look at a child or a baby I start thinking "am I just looking at it because I'm attracted to it" then I just starts flooding in. I feel like everybody knows I'm a pedophile and that I'm dangerous and I get scared that that's true. It's not true. Im not disgusting like that but if I have these thoughts am I??? Is it different for me?? What if I don't have pocd and I'm just a pedophile???? What if I made a child uncomfortable or did something worse without knowing it?? It's stressful but sometimes it gets too much. It's graphic and makes me sick sometimes. But I still feel terrible for having these sick thoughts. I don't know how to fix myself but I want to.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

This sounds really hard and I’m sorry you’re going through this. When i struggled more with pure “O” i had similar thought patterns. The best advice I can share is whenever I had these thoughts I would remind myself that my desires and intrusive thoughts are two entirely different things, and that these thoughts are not coming from the part of my brain that i identify as “me.” It’s my belief that because you/i fear these acts so much it actually makes us the LEAST likely person to harm others. I have several friends who have suffered from this too and I just want you to know you’re not alone, and there will come a time when these thoughts do not enter your mind anymore.

Vee4

Date posted: 1y

Thank you so much for this. I will keep this in mind from now on. It just gets very hard to remember the separation or what OCD even does. It's very stressful. Also sorry for the multiple spelling mistakes I just wanted to get it out there so I could get help 😭 this was very helpful though, have a good day!! 💙

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Vee4444 I feel for you. I have this theme and a little of the harm theme. They are both the worst. I understand you are scared. It's an awful feeling. Can you go to therapy?

Vee4

Date posted: 1y

@Speckles I went to therapy in school for 4 months. I haven't been in therapy since April though. My last therapist gave my mom a list of therapists near us but we haven't gotten around to it yet.. i might remind her about it today

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Vee4444 Did the therapy help you? It's hard to find someone who understands this probably

Vee4

Date posted: 1y

@Speckles She helped with some of the intrusive thoughts but we didn't talk about it often. It's gotten worse since I've been to therapy..

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Vee4444 Oh... I'm so sorry it's gotten worse. It's such a terrible theme. I struggle daily and also harm ocd. Maybe you can get a therapist thru NOCD?

Vee4

Date posted: 1y

@Speckles I'm not really sure how to but I can try to :)

roszip-0toMd...

Date posted: 18w

Please help!!!

TW! please someone comment When I was 12 or 13 I used to babysit a little girl, she had a habit of keeping her hand in her diaper and was always touching herself, there was one point I was changing her diaper and noticed she was really red. I had separated her private parts and checked the inner area for signs of infection. She was okay, just some really really bad diaper rash. I know this is what happened yet my brain is trying to convince me that I hurt her, and that I wanted to do it, I know I would never hurt a child but with all the anxiety I feel when I think about it I'm starting to wonder if I did do it because I wanted to hurt her, I don't wanna be a p, I don't wanna hurt innocent children, I used to never have these thoughts but now I do and I'm so scared to tell my therapist as she hasn't diagnosed me with ocd yet. I don't want her to think I'm a p nor do I wanna hurt kids, but my brain keeps telling me that I do and that I'm just lying to myself and everyone around me, ik I would never do something that could harm a child but I keep getting these thoughts and their inappropriate and I just want them to stop, does anyone have any tips on how to help myself? I keep turning to my boyfriend for reassurance but ik that that's just a quick fix and that ill be spiraling about it again.Please help

Shaodidi

Date posted: 17w

Pocd??

So I was never diagnosed with pocd but many ppl said that I have it and my therapist also said that I have ocd, I’ve recently been getting these thoughts and feelings of attraction towards kids, idk if it’s real attraction or not, but I worry that it’s true attraction because I don’t feel panic and anxiety towards those thoughts and feelings anymore, I used to feel that, but I also never felt shame or guilt for those thoughts and feelings. I also can’t tell if I want those thoughts and feelings or not. When I get those thoughts and feelings, I tell myself “I can’t be attracted to kids” and “being attracted to kids is bad” and “I wouldn’t like kids”. The main thing is I can tell if I am attracted to the kids or not, I feel like I want to know, but I also don’t know if I want to be attracted to kids or not, yet the attraction feeling feels so genuine, I can’t tell if it’s false or not, I try to compare my attraction towards a girl my age to the feelings I get when I see the kids. I’m also under the age of 16, and I’ve heard that people under the age of 16 are at risk of developing p#dophilia, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to become a pedo. But I can’t tell what I want anymore, I can’t tell if my feelings intrusive or not. Even though some people said that I have “textbook ocd” I still don’t believe it. These feelings and thoughts, I just don’t understand if I want and like them or not, idk if I WANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. Can someone give me advice pls? ANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. I also used to watch p#rn a lot, I was exposed to it at a young age cause I was a stupid ass kid once, I got addicted to it and watched it every day, when all of these feelings and thoughts started, I completely stopped watching p#rn which fixed that, but now I’m worried it was a sign of something bad because I heard that early porn exposure creates mental issues and stuff, so I don’t know if I have pocd or actual pedophilia anymore. I’m also currently tryin to get a relationship with a girl my age. Can someone give me advice on all of this pls? Idk what all of this means anymore :( (edited) I also keep getting thoughts of kids and I’m worried I’m attracted to a specific part of them, because most of the thoughts include that specific part of the kid. Im also attracted to that specific part on adults, but I’m worried that it’s a sign I’m a pedo because it manifests on the thoughts of kids

POCD

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Pocd and 13 years old...

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭 It’s making me feel like I know I’m a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those things… I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I don’t want to be anywhere around kids… even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxious… it’s making me feel like that I know I’m what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events don’t make me a P or a chomo… In addition it’s making me feel like I’m what my ocd tells me that I am… I didn’t know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13… I really didn’t… my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didn’t know what any of that stuff was… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… It’s making me think I am a rapist because of the real events too… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child rpist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭 it’s giving me intrusive thoughts about more details of the real events and this feeling in my head that hurts… I don’t ever want to ever be a p or a chomo in any way… I don’t ever want to harm anyone, especially children… I don’t ever want to ever be anything my intrusive thoughts tell me I am…

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