I am super scared that this might not an ocd I was so confident that this was just T-ocd but after remembering some real events, i no longer know who i am š i am super scared I do not want to change my life , i loved my life as a girl ( even if i am a true trans )
I had a TOCD episode a few months ago, so I know how distressing this theme can be. First, I am only going to say this once because reassurance will not help you in the long run, your reaction to this theme proves youāre not transgender, your reaction of fear and anxiety and obsessing and mentally reviewing is classic OCD. Mentally reviewing is a compulsion and OCD will āremixā memories in order to āproveā your intrusive thoughts are real. Second, the only way through this is to sit with the ick, when intrusive thoughts about being trans occur acknowledge that itās a symptom of OCD and move on. Itās easier said than done but in time you will overcome this. Youāve got this ā¤ļø
@Anonymous Oh yeah! OCD can fake a ton of emotions, even dysphoria! I was scared to look in a mirror because I was scared I would feel dysphoria. Eventually I was able to overcome that theme. A good rule of thumb when it comes to these situations if the thought/feeling/sensation/ image makes you immediately causes distress and makes start to spiral into rumination, compulsions, or reassurance seeking its OCD. Remember intrusive thoughts are egodystonic, they donāt align with our actual wants and desires and thatās why they are so upsetting.
@Anonymous yeah it will give you fake dysphoria and it fucking sucks but itās like this with every theme. your ocd will do everything to āproveā itās not ocd and itās just a classic ocd move lol
@Sadie1994! This is really helping me, thank you so much
@Dsantilli10 Iām so happy to hear that! You will recover from this. Itās only temporary. ā¤ļø
@Sadie1994! Iām coming to back to this post again bc Iām still struggling. Your comments have helped me a lot to the point where Iām tearing up. Your response on this persons post really just gave me hope that Iām going to be okay. Iāve been trying to work on just letting the intrusive thoughts be there and then moving on without taking too much of a toll on me but itās been difficult. Iām trying to just take the approach of āoh your here? thatās cool, bye now!ā but they havenāt been going away. With your past episodes, did you find any other things that helped you? thank you so much for your time ā¤ļøā¤ļø
@Dsantilli10 Hey! Iām so happy I was able to help ā¤ļø Iām so proud of you for putting in the work! Itās so so SO hard and itās amazing that you have been actively trying not to engage with your intrusive thoughts. I think what may be hindering your progress is that youāre hoping your intrusive thoughts will go away, unfortunately intrusive thoughts donāt disappear. Intrusive thoughts are something we canāt control and itās perfectly natural that we canāt control them. Even people who donāt have OCD get intrusive thoughts! But what we can control is our reaction to them! And thatās what OCD recovery is all about, not the absence of intrusive thoughts, but learning to accept intrusive thoughts as a normal part of having a functioning brain and to not apply meaning to them. I understand how difficult that is to do but I promise you, especially speaking from experience, if you continue to resist reassurance seeking behaviors and rumination you will recover from this. Something thatās helped me is following Instagram accounts that post about OCD, and save my favorite posts so I can look back on them when I am going through a flare for encouragement. Two of my favorite accounts are @mypureocdawakening and @pureochrissie. @pureochrissie also makes YouTube videos that are incredibly helpful in OCD recovery. You are doing so great in your steps toward OCD recovery and I know youāll get through this. ā¤ļø
I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.
Iām sobbing right now. Iām convinced that Iāve been in denial all along and that itās all real. It has to be now. I donāt wanna be a boy but I feel like thereās no way Iām not one if Iām doing these things. Thereās no way Iām a cis girl if Iām doing these things. Iām so fucking done with life I feel absolutely trapped. I donāt wanna be a man but fuuuuuuuuck I think itās real now Iām so fcking done with living. I really feel like Iāve been using OCD as an excuse/a cover up and Iām scared itās all a facade. Thereās no way itās not real now Iām literally so fcking scared I want it all to stop. If anyone has advice please send some my way. I need it badly
I feel different from others, I donāt feel as feminine and I feel like Iāve changed. Iām not sure why I feel this way. I also donāt think my ocd is ocd, itās just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if Iām not, I get it, but I donāt feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and itās eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I donāt know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I donāt want a girlfriend, itās just that I donāt see anything for myself and I feel like Iām hiding. Itās hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I wonāt be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
