Has anyone ever acted on their thought. I used to make them pop up out of self destruction and now I feel they’re not intrusive but a part of me now and I acted on a thought and now ocd is telling me I’m gay and I can’t be with my bf even though I know even though I don’t feel it I don’t like women.
I'm going through a similar thing rn but it's a bit different. But may I ask? Like what do you think triggered it? Like this theme?
@mint_moonlight ⬇️⬇️⬇️
Can i ask what did you do? like did you have a sexual experience with someone of the same sex even tho you are heterosexual? I normally would not be so intrusive but in this instance the action-thought I think is important context. everything is anonymous and there is no judgment.
@TexasOCD41 ⬇️⬇️⬇️
No I used to self sabotage bc I had internal conflict with God and low self esteem so I’ll act on these thoughts by looking at a women even though I’m triggered or giving myself intrusive thoughts or also giving myself arousal feelings
This is a backwards way of doing an exposure lol ( I'm not laughing at you) its just ironic because to do ERP, you do the thing that brings you discomfort. But you want to do with with the intent of doing an OCD exercise....not with the intent of hurting yourself because of low self esteem. you got your wires crossed but your actually doing something good, just with the wrong intent.
I’ve been doing g this since I got OCD and now I feel these thoughts are just becoming me
no thought can become you. you are paying them too much attention and probably bring them to your mind on purpose because in a way you are testing and checking to see if you still respond to them ( compulsive) so you gotta cut that out.
I have a bf who I know and love and I don’t want to break up with him being intimate has been difficult for me but I’m he’s someone I want to be with him he’s my dream guy.
But this all started bc of lesbian porn classic OCD 🙄
i dont think you acted on a thought, I think you exposed yourself to your fear and are experiencing a normal spike in anxiety. I also think when you say " these thoughts have become me" well, if they don't cause you distress anymore then that's an OCD win. the thoughts themselves are not the problem, its the negative meaning we attach and the compulsions we do to get relief.
Im also going to say this cautiously because I don't want it to come across as reassurance BUT I am a TOTALLY hetrosexual woman. i am married, I love my husband, I have no desire to be with women... but I have viewed lesbian porn and been aroused. For me it was just arousing to see 2 people in the heat of passion, not that I was actually attracted to the women, I was attracted to the situation they were in. I also think some women are very pretty and others are not. BUT all of this might be logic that wont help your OCD. i just wonder if maybe your view of sexualty is so strict you are being unnecessarily harsh on yourself for experiencing pretty normal thoughts even for a straight woman.
@TexasOCD41 Thank you sm
@TexasOCD41 When I got the thought though I didn’t feel fear or anxiety which is what I mean by I think they’re becoming me and apart me
@Anonymous Well our thoughts are apart of us in a way. But they are only as important as you let them be. If they don’t cause you fear or anxiety just let them be. Kinda like getting a song stuck in your head. If it doesn’t really bother you just hum along and enjoy life. :)
@TexasOCD41 I guess but that makes ocd strong by saying I can’t enjoy my bf
@Anonymous Doing compulsions are what makes ocd strong. Perhaps your intrusive thought is actually that you can’t enjoy your boyfriend, that you somehow don’t deserve him. If that is what’s giving you the distress then that is what you should focus your exposure on and focus your therapy on. To fight ocd you have to do the opposite of what it’s telling you. If it tells you that you don’t deserve to be with your bf then you say “ maybe I do, maybe I don’t, but I don’t care, I’m choosing him anyway “ and you double down on being with him. It will make you feel uncomfortable. Don’t do any compulsions you would typically do for relief ( i google and seek reassurance and thought analyze) what ever your compulsions of choice are, resist them. In time, the discomfort will ease and you should stop caring so much about if you deserve to be with him or not.
So I’ve SOOCD since I was in 8 th grade and it got really bad when I had an intrusive thought as to what if I was bi. And ever since then I’ve had self destructive behavior to where I would think the thoughts on purpose or about women and checking them out and flirting with them. ( I identify as straight) and over time these thoughts and self destructive behavior hasn’t bothered me and now they feel apart of me I know apart of it is ocd but also it’s me like me willingly looking at women and me wanting to have sexual thoughts or feel aroused and in reality if I never had ocd I would never think this way I could live without women and never sleeping with them I do have a bf and I love him and am attracted to him rn thought bc of what happened last night with a women it’s hard to feel that can anyone relate?
I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?
So pretty much I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life, I had no idea could’ve been symptom of OCD until maybe a year ago , I have this fear right now that I don’t actually love my fiancé and I’m not attracted to men. I am attracted to men. Let me be clear. I’m not attracted to females. I never have been and I never will be. But it’s one of the scariest thoughts I’ve ever had that I don’t actually care about the person that I would sacrifice anything for that I would do anything for. He’s pretty much the closest family that I have and I just wanna be with him for the rest of my life. A couple months ago was that I just didn’t care at all, and I didn’t have any feelings and everything that I felt was me being fake in that nothing was real. But I eventually got over that and the new thought is that I’m actually gay even though I know I’m not. And in the world we live in now where it’s be yourself be you if it comes across your mind. That’s the obvious truth. Be yourself… It’s kind of scary to think about. I just want it to leave me alone. I’m actually so scared that eventually I’ll believe it because some thoughts that I’ve learned were intrusive. I ended up starting to believe and it turned into a whole catastrophe for my life. I met this girl and she felt a certain way about her husband and then she told me that eventually I’ll feel that way and ever since then I just I haven’t gotten over this fear that I’m gonna end up feeling the same way she is. Also, I recently got over a few themes. I’m not ready to share, but I’m so proud that I got over those and I just I’m waiting for this one to leave me alone and it’s not and I’m starting to get really scared that it’s true and I don’t want it to be true. and just to be very clear I don’t care who you love what you love who you like what you identify as because you can in fact be yourself but this just doesn’t feel like me. I’m genuinely reaching out to try to get help for this because now it’s messing with our personal life. We’ve never argued so much in our entire relationship and now I realize that it’s mainly my fault because I’m detaching myself from all emotion just so that I can get over this thought I’m detaching myself from all intimacy and that’s even scarier because what if it’s not me detaching myself and it’s me just not being attracted that’s another thought I’ve hadI’ve gone all long enough so thanks.
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