Any help

I regret so much things in my past. I feel like I'm only worrying for getting label. And worried if I'm bad. No guilt. I can clearly feel it. I don't have any guilt. It's only regret. I'm so exhausted. I can't do anything. I don't think I'm a aph*bophile or p*dophile. But I also feel like I am too. My past mistakes sounds like they proves my label. Currently I don't feel like I'm p*do. But I'm worried if I actually am. I'm worried if I'm an ap*bo.

I have been getting reassurance from someone on here… I know this is not what we should be doing… but I have a fear that the bad guy is going to get me and that things I do will lead to that… I think I misread what he/she was saying but I’m too triggered to look back and see, but I thought the message said “I talked to the bad guy” and I am freaking out on my bathroom floor… I thought about it and what that looked like and now I feel like I cleave into the bad guy…. Someone please help

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔