I really don’t think this is me looking for reassurance. I just want someone to be here for me cause I feel deeply alone rn. I posted this a few days ago and I just want someone to talk to me about all of it.
Even if you don’t trust yourself right now, trust your therapist 💜
@Dreamer2343 Hey, I saw you commented but then you deleted it I was gonna respond back to it when I had the chance to. I hope you’re ok.
@Jay222 No, you’re okay. It triggered me and I just hate thinking about it.
@Jay222 It makes me feel like an awful human
@Dreamer2343 I get that. I don’t think you’re a bad person for that though. You did absolutely nothing wrong or inappropriate. Maybe that’s me reassuring you but it’s the truth. I mean, from what I remember you saying about it you did literally nothing wrong lol. I mean yeah there’s that boundary there but even whoever brought it up to you even said that you did nothing wrong. You’re anything but a bad person. Compared to a lot of the things that I’ve done wrong that’s really nothing. I can DEFINITELY see how you can look back on that and think “why did I allow this to happen?” And cringe every time you think about it cause of how bad it can look if taken out of context. But if you didn’t send anything inappropriate or crossing any insane boundaries, that means you’re a good person. I believe in that.
@Dreamer2343 I really hope I didn’t trigger you more trying to make you feel better about it. I just hope you’ll be ok, you’ve been there for me a lot and I don’t want you to feel bad about yourself when you deserve to be happy even if you don’t think you do.
@Jay222 Thank you. I read what you wrote and that is a really nice message and it made me cry and no you did not trigger me. I triggered myself, but I can tell that you really need someone and what you said has healed my heart enormously, so thank you
@Dreamer2343 Of course. I’m glad I could help. I just hope that it wasn’t a reassurance thing and you’d be back to feeling like crap again cause I was reassuring you
@Jay222 No, I’m alright. It’s just one of those memories that my ocd holds over me.
@Jay222 Writing it out made me feel worse, as if you’d think I was a freak for having made that mistake.
@Dreamer2343 Ofc not. But if it validates you more I have the same feeling when I talk about my issues when it comes to my past mistakes and OCD.
@Dreamer2343 Also….i posted a long rant on here again (no surprise there) but it deals with something different. I just..really need some input cause I don’t wanna stress out over this situation anymore. If you can, or if you want to, I’d appreciate you reassuring me or just telling me what you think the truth is.
Sorry I haven’t been around. I’m past the point of being concerned about being a “p” and more concerned with past mistakes right now. Eventually, it gets to the point where you realize that if you continue to worry this much about the future, you’ll go insane. I think when I was deep into my own brain’s delusion, I was very close to going into psychosis. No, in fact, I believe there was a few weeks time where I was pretty much in my own form of psychosis. It wasn’t until my psychiatrist was like; “if I thought about the things you do, I’d go insane” when it hit me. Granted, I had a suicide attempt a few months after and as crazy as it sounds, the suicide attempt only further made me realize that I was willing to take my own life before even thinking about hurting anyone else or acting on these intrusive thoughts.
@Dreamer2343 I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I know we all have lives and our own personal mental issues but I really don’t have anyone being there for me and it’s isolating and lonesome. I’m pretty sure it’s far too late I AM insane :/ I just feel so behind in life and feel so small inside and it’s depressing. and it’s not so much of a”will I actually do this?” It’s more like “am I really this person/feel that way?” Yk? Everything “POCD” for me feels so much more complicated than what everyone else deals with. And yeah I keep telling myself to let go but still find myself reacting somehow to all of it. I think the same thing cause wouldn’t me not caring make it actually true?? Idk how to trust myself, especially when I have no idea what’s true or not. I haven’t spoken to my therapist in months. I’ve been using therapy as a reassurance fix, and it was getting more and more stressful having to talk about everything along with paying out of pocket. I know therapy would help but at this point it doesn’t feel worth it.
What I’m saying is, the hardest part is letting go because “if you let go, it means you don’t care right and therefore it’s more likely to happen?” WRONG. Trust yourself more. That, my friend, is the hardest part: letting go of the fear and trusting yourself.
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