18+ I had an intrusive thought and kept thinking about it but then I realised I wanted to think about it and I thought it and suddenly felt like I enjoyed it and now I feel really scared and disgusted in myself and I might have been thinking it because I genuinely wanted to and enjoyed it even though I feel awful now
I just wanna say that I’ve been here I’ve been in this boat. That’s why the first time I got diagnosed with OCD. I didn’t believe it went to see more help and actually went into an inpatient because of my OCD and they still think it’s a OCD so I just want to say that you’re not alone, and the fact that you feel disgusted in yourself mean something and the fact that you’re scared means something I think the best thing that you can do for yourself is to take it one step at a time one day at a time I know that’s not easy but unfortunately, we can’t control past thoughts, and unfortunately, we can’t control the future but we can control the present so I think the best thing that you can do is be extremely patient with yourself but also still mindful and I would try not to go to conclusions with every single thought because I found myself coming to conclusions every single time, and trying to figure out every single thought but that’s the thing with OCD you doubt everything and I think the best thing that you could do is to stop doubting and just kind of allowing to pass and allowing the feeling to pass. and I found myself needing constant reassurance of who I am and who I used to be but unfortunately no one else is in your head and no one else can tell you hundred percent that they know what’s going on with you so unfortunately sitting with uncertainty is one of the best things that you can do for yourself and I know that’s extremely hard because I find it hard to do it every day for myself, but the best thing I’ve learned is to stick in the present one day you might look back and have no idea who u were then. I just want to say that you’re not alone and OCD is a very tricky thing. A lot of these thoughts disguise themselves as normal. I was told by my therapist so sometimes it could also come with feelings and other times you have to remember that when those type of thoughts happen your brain takes time to process it so maybe you did not fully process the thought before any type of enjoyment occurred you never know, but I would just try to be very mindful of that
@Bowbow Thank you I’m really grateful for this comment
I think OCD can trick you into thinking you want to do it when actually it's totally opposite of that.
@Speckles It’s so weird because I was deliberately thinking the thought and felt like I liked it and I feel awful about it now but I know at the time I did want to think it
@Eileen03 You weren't trying to push it out of your head? Did you feel anxious about it? Is this the first time you've felt this way with this theme?
@Speckles I’ve had this before where it felt wanted and I feel awful afterwards like now I feel terrible. I wasn’t trying to push it out I just kept thinking it I feel anxious now but I don’t think I did at the time.
@Eileen03 I still believe it's all the OCD. It really messes with your brain. Did you tell a therapist? I've felt physically weak and like I'm going to faint from it. I get this feeling now and again so I think it's messing with my physically now.
My therapist said not to try and push it out. Go along with the thought and say this makes me uncomfortable, but I can handle it. Other times I'd fight with it, so maybe that's what you are doing... giving into it
I’m dealing with this issue as well it’s terrifying n scary except this might be a little bit TMI this happens to me whenever I’m trying to have my alone time like if it has anything to do with self pleasure. I literally have to tell myself before I had to know that I’m in control that I’m not gonna act on any intrusive thoughts but in the moment kinda like what you said it genuinely feels like that I enjoy my intrusive thought and it feels like I acted on in the moment or like I’m pleasuring myself because of the thought it’s so freaking scary and then I immediately start to panic. I start losing my mind because it felt so genuine like how you’re explaining it.
It’s 4am and I’m really freaking myself out. So full disclosure…I used to watch Porn and this triggered SO OCD initially. I feel like it’s NOW jumped into POCD. In the past I used to click on vids of women performing sexual acts. (Hence the SO OCD) But now I’m freaking out that I actually finished and enjoyed myself to the vids that maybe said Teen in the title or what not. At the time I didn’t believe that those girls were actually underage because why would that be legal and distributed on Porn hub? Maybe these girls are trying to click bait a weird thing? I assumed Teen meant 18. Now I look back on it and feel gross and that I’m a predator. I would never condone anything like that in real life. I keep questioning myself like “Why the hell did I do that?” “why didn’t I click off the video?” If that person was actually 17 or younger I would freaking lose it. How could I live with myself? How could I ever be a good person?
content warning: talks of explicit acts and fear of cheating or attraction to another person I had a dream yesterday about breaking up with my boyfriend and now I had a dream I cheated on him. They scared me but I've realized that they don't really mean anything. I only am freaking out again because while I was self pleasuring earlier, I was thinking of my partner and watching him until I had an intrusive thought someone I just saw in a tik tok and that got me there. im so scared because I didn't mean to let my mind slip and I really feel like I need to talk to my partner about this because i feel so guilty and I know something like this would hurt me if the situation was flipped so I don't know what to do. why did I like the thought so much to that point??? how do I convince myself I don't need to tell my partner even though the guilt is setting in and it feels so wrong? I feel ashamed and unfaithful and terrible I hate that this happened how I do know what to do what if it wasn't an intrusive thought and I enjoyed it even though I tried to change my thoughts?
I can’t except that it was ocd this time because I WANTED to think this disgusting thought I didn’t have to but I let myself think it and I was not testing or checking because I know at that time I wanted it any time I feel a bit better it just feels wrong of course I hate the thought and don’t agree with it at all but at the time I wanted to have it I literally remember thinking at first “ no dont think that!” But still wanting to think it and then afterwards making an excuse in my head to think it because I wanted to and I feel so disgusted and scared of myself
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