Deleted post.

Bowbow

Date posted: 1y

I just wanna say that I’ve been here I’ve been in this boat. That’s why the first time I got diagnosed with OCD. I didn’t believe it went to see more help and actually went into an inpatient because of my OCD and they still think it’s a OCD so I just want to say that you’re not alone, and the fact that you feel disgusted in yourself mean something and the fact that you’re scared means something I think the best thing that you can do for yourself is to take it one step at a time one day at a time I know that’s not easy but unfortunately, we can’t control past thoughts, and unfortunately, we can’t control the future but we can control the present so I think the best thing that you can do is be extremely patient with yourself but also still mindful and I would try not to go to conclusions with every single thought because I found myself coming to conclusions every single time, and trying to figure out every single thought but that’s the thing with OCD you doubt everything and I think the best thing that you could do is to stop doubting and just kind of allowing to pass and allowing the feeling to pass. and I found myself needing constant reassurance of who I am and who I used to be but unfortunately no one else is in your head and no one else can tell you hundred percent that they know what’s going on with you so unfortunately sitting with uncertainty is one of the best things that you can do for yourself and I know that’s extremely hard because I find it hard to do it every day for myself, but the best thing I’ve learned is to stick in the present one day you might look back and have no idea who u were then. I just want to say that you’re not alone and OCD is a very tricky thing. A lot of these thoughts disguise themselves as normal. I was told by my therapist so sometimes it could also come with feelings and other times you have to remember that when those type of thoughts happen your brain takes time to process it so maybe you did not fully process the thought before any type of enjoyment occurred you never know, but I would just try to be very mindful of that

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I think OCD can trick you into thinking you want to do it when actually it's totally opposite of that.

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Eileen03 You weren't trying to push it out of your head? Did you feel anxious about it? Is this the first time you've felt this way with this theme?

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Eileen03 I still believe it's all the OCD. It really messes with your brain. Did you tell a therapist? I've felt physically weak and like I'm going to faint from it. I get this feeling now and again so I think it's messing with my physically now.

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

My therapist said not to try and push it out. Go along with the thought and say this makes me uncomfortable, but I can handle it. Other times I'd fight with it, so maybe that's what you are doing... giving into it

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 42w

I’m dealing with this issue as well it’s terrifying n scary except this might be a little bit TMI this happens to me whenever I’m trying to have my alone time like if it has anything to do with self pleasure. I literally have to tell myself before I had to know that I’m in control that I’m not gonna act on any intrusive thoughts but in the moment kinda like what you said it genuinely feels like that I enjoy my intrusive thought and it feels like I acted on in the moment or like I’m pleasuring myself because of the thought it’s so freaking scary and then I immediately start to panic. I start losing my mind because it felt so genuine like how you’re explaining it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Intentional intrusive thoughts during pleasure and masterbation

Hey guys today I just wanted to come here and share an experience I have and I generally don't know what to do I feel like a terrible person for having these thoughts and for thinking them I genuinely don't know what to do I don't know the signs behind it and why I think the way I do but it's honestly driving me crazy I don't know what to do I have a pornography addiction for a long time it's where it's like anytime I'm an intimate moment or am masturbating my head just thinks these weird things always the same repetitive thoughts to of family members your younger sibling or a young child I myself am a 17 year old and I feel so disgusted I feel like I can't live my life anymore I feel like I'm a criminal cuz like it feels like I chose this these thoughts like I actively think them I don't know the signs behind it and I just really need professional help if there's any like therapist here that could fill me in that would be nice I would also like to know if you guys had any similar experiences because for me I feel like I have to rewatch pornography and do it right without the thoughts cuz I feel like the thoughts are just like to prevalent anytime I do anything related to masturbation why do I think this way I'm also just trying to be as honest as I can with this I'm not trying to make myself I guess a victim I'm trying to hold myself accountable if I actually am like this because I also have doubts in my head that tells me that I enjoy these things I feel like I'm going crazy someone help because it feels so real like I acted on them or that I was pleasuring myself to the thoughts and not towards the video it's just how can I live with myself you know also during it it felt like I was thinking the thought for a long period of time like it was dominating my head so I couldn't focus it felt l

Shaodidi

Date posted: 24w

I think I enjoy my thoughts

I just had intense sexual thoughts of this 6 yo, I got intense groinal response and I felt like I genuinely liked the thoughts, like I had 0 distress from the thoughts and I felt intense groinal response, I felt like I wanted the thoughts, now I feel like a litteral pedo, I don’t wanna be a pedo, idk why I felt that way towards the thoughts, but it felt genuine, like attraction and enjoyment, I’ve not been diagnosed with pocd and I just started therapy, can someone please help me? Idk why this happened or if it even is pocd, I don’t wish to be a pedo but I feel like one rn.

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 17w

Distressed 18+

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔

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