Moved in with Partner & Flare Up

Hello All, I have just recently moved into an apartment with my partner and the first day we were staying there and all everything came back to me like a tidal wave. For clarification I have had ROCD issues before but for the last 6 or 7 months or so I was doing really well with 0 issues with my OCD or ROCD. I was the main person in the relationship pushing to get an apartment together and now that it has finally happened ROCD has hit me like a train. All I can keep thinking about are the what ifs. What if I don’t love my girlfriend, what if this doesn’t work out, what if this isn’t what I wanted to do, what if I don’t love my girlfriend enough, what if I made a mistake? Common themes but there are many more. I am trying to get my mind to understand that this is a HUGE life transition and that this will all settle eventually but it has debilitated me as I can barely do my job, I can’t eat, I feel physically ill all the time, I can’t stay asleep. I need some guidance what others have done in situations when moving in with someone for the first time!

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 49w

I feel like when ROCD manifests itself in this form, for me, it's trying to protect a sense of autonomy or self-determination that feels threatened by the intimacy of my relationship. Like, the big moments in life I've always ruminate on are finally happening and it's scary, but it's also not fully mine. As someone who self-isolated a lot growing up, and who had his identity consumed with familial caretaking duties, I feel both of those aspects of *my* trauma are what causes my relationship to feel threatening to me, and that's a core theme to my own manifestation of it. I have lived with my partner for 2 years, and we moved in pretty hastily as I really needed a place to stay at the time. Does your partner know about ROCD? If not, I would try to find a healthy non-self soothing way to communicate what you're going through

Keimnt

Date posted: 49w

@FloralEnvoy She does not know. My therapist and I have talked about possibly letting her in on what is going on but I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I’m sure as you know hearing those words come out of your partners mouth with out understanding can be extremely disheartening. We have been together almost 2 years now but I still don’t think it’s time just yet

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 49w

@Keimnt Many people have spoken to what is called a "third space". We in America don't have very many. It's not work, it's not home, it's not the places we are when we are going back and forth either. It's a destination explicitly gone to as a means of self-expression and fulfillment. We all need a third place, a friends house or a bar we always go to or pilates class or any other place that is just for you, that you have set aside to give yourself fulfillment. If you find yourself without a third place, and home is triggering your ROCD, I would look into finding one. Don't treat it as an escape, it is only to give you a little respite from the stress, and hopefully that helps the stress from snowballing. I don't know much about your specific situation but I relate to what you're going through and I hope you and your gf have a happy life together. You BOTH deserve it, far more than you deserve the life OCD tries to convince us to accept.

nessy

Date posted: 25w

Flirted by a stranger, causing ROCD flare up.

I’ve been with my partner for about 7 years. I thought I was over the ROCD for a while. But I’ve been under a lot of stress. I’m moving in with him next week, but I lost my job due to severe anxiety and depression affecting my job. (I hated working there) It’s been stressful trying to find another job while moving and I’ve noticed I would occasionally get intrusive thoughts, but I managed to ignore them, especially with the help of medication. However just today I went shopping for groceries and this stranger asked for my number and called me cute. I can’t lie it was flattering but I rejected him and confirmed I had a partner and it was serious. He was very friendly about it and I went home. But now I’m getting these intrusive thoughts like “You want him instead of your partner.” “You’d rather be with him.” “You felt flattered so you want to be in a relationship with him instead and cheat on your partner or break up with your partner.” It’s been so hard since coming back home because while I was flattered, my brain keeps thinking I’ve cheated for some reason or want to cheat or break up with my partner. For reference, I’m demisexual which means I don’t have any attraction until I develop a strong emotional connection with someone. So I wasn’t attracted to this stranger but I keep thinking I am? I really hate this because I love my partner so much and I thought I was over all of this. Any advice when a flare up like this happens? I assume it’s a flare up because I hate how real it feels, it makes me feel sick with anxiety.

Secretidentity

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Moving in with SO

How did you cope with your ROCD when you first moved in with you SO? Did it get worse when you first moved in together and then subside? My rocd was doing pretty good for a while but over the weekend my boyfriend and I moved in together and it’s been great but now my rocd is starting to get really bad again. I don’t know if this is normal rocd things when you first move in together or something else. I just keep having the looping thought of “I don’t really love him” I’ve been trying to say maybe I do, maybe I don’t. I’ve even just full on agreed with it and said yeah your right I don’t but it gives me anxiety that I’m not getting anxiety from that. I have no idea if this is normal. Sorry for kinda ranting on but I just need advice from couples who lives together.

Relationship OCD

shopgirl

Date posted: 19w

New relationship and OCD spike

I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?

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Moved in with Partner & Flare Up

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