- Date posted
- 48w
New Theme š¤ Trans-OCD
So I feel like recently I've been getting over my Sexual Orientation OCD Theme. Either that or I've just been kinda tired of the thoughts for now lol. I still worry about it but I'm just kinda lazy to worry about that in the moment haha. Cause I've been loosing sleep over that. Anyways I had this tans-Ocd theme pop up like 2 months ago but it lasted like maybe a week and the SOOCD was just more prominent so that's what has been stressing me out recently. But the Transgender theme is back again and it stressed me out when I had that thought not too long ago. It's cause I was taking pictures of myself. Like Selfies because I think I look attractive and I like giving myself some self confidence you know? Plus I take pics of myself to use for drawing references. I like to draw and crafty etc. So it's the art within haha. Anyways. I was looking at my pictures and observing them etc. And I notice that I have like guy features? Idk how to explain it but sometimes I can see the small male features on my face or whatever you'd identify as male features. But then I had a thought like oh I'd look good as a guy. And it like raced my heart. And that's how it happened last time when this Theme popped up. I think I was tryna like pop a pimple and was looking at my face and I noticed some male features. And that's how it started too before. But now I'm just worried like what if I wanna be trans or something? And now when I think about wearing girly clothes it's like my brain doesn't want it?? Idk how to explain it. But growing up i was a bit of a tom boy because I only have brothers so I just felt more comfortable dressing up that way. But I always wanted to dress more feminine as a girl but I think I just felt uncomfortable doing so because I wanted to fit in I guess? Like I wanted to wear the girl stuff but I'd always resort to wearing a graphic T and whatever because I didn't have to try looking feminine cause I was insecure or just idk felt awkward I guess. But I'm so confused tho cause I always wanted to be the princess, I always wanted to be the girl in Fan stories or idk you know? Like I loved always reading Fan fiction LMFAO and I was always the girl cause I wanted the guy to date me LMFAOOOO. But anyways yeah idk. My bf has mentioned sometimes he'd think about it too but as a normal thought. But idk. I'm also into games and comics or like TMNT etc. and more boyish things as well? Cause that's what I grew up with so I'm just familiar with that but I also loved Disney princess and stuff. But now I just feel fake and don't know what I am now? Like was I forcing myself to like those girl things cause I was a girl growing up in a society where girls only like girl things and vice versa?l Or was it cause I actually enjoyed it but was a lil embarrassed cause I was the only girl growing up. UGHHHhh Plus I remember I didn't wear make up through out high school or not much now cause I always believed in natural beauty and stuff cause I remember always being told I have to wear this cause of this ans that. Or when there was times I wanted to wear a skirt or dress I always wanted to wear my converse but then get told I can't wear shoes with a dress so then I just stopped lmfao. But now I do wear skirts here and there but now I just feel awkward. Anyways I just have this Theme and it's stressing me out if I'm in some sort of denial I'm trans or something? Nothing against Trans people, I support those who are. It's just more like a identity crisis cause my brain is just going and going. I just wanted to know if anyone has gone through something similar or had the same experience? Thank you for anyone who replies!