flocr

Date posted: 47w

So anxious today

I have suicidal ocd and im feeling so anxious. I was feeling a lot better for around 3-4 weeks, but I saw many posts about suicide these last days and they triggered me so much. It feels like I cant move on until I have the certainty that I will live a long and happy life. Life would be so beautiful if I didnt have that strong fear. Its making me anxious physically in my chest and I feel kinda depressed. Then because I feel depressed, ocd tries to tell me I will commit suicide. Sometimes it even feels so real, like if I really had suicidal ideation. Im scared these are not intrusive thoughts, but really ideations… But I know its just intrusive. I love life and could never do that. The simple thought of it makes me so anxious, so theres no way I could possibly do it! (My ocd just told me that last sentence was me trying to convince myself of something false) Its just so confusing, I feel like im loosing myself and I feel like im gonna die so young. Im terrified and I want a long happy life!!!

bonnieistheb...

Date posted: 47w

Girl because of the fact u want to live so bad u won’t let that thought happen i say try and scroll past any videos that mentions suicide

flocr

Date posted: 47w

@bonnieisthebest💗 I know I try but then its already too late and Im already triggered 😢

bonnieistheb...

Date posted: 47w

@flocr I know it’s tough , what platform do u see these vids on

flocr

Date posted: 47w

@bonnieisthebest💗 I see them on Instagram mainly! I saw one on NOCD’s instagram that really triggered me

bonnieistheb...

Date posted: 47w

@flocr I’d say block the account

flocr

Date posted: 47w

@bonnieisthebest💗 But isnt that going against ERP ? Like I should be exposed to it ? I dont know

bonnieistheb...

Date posted: 47w

@flocr I’d say if it’s making u feel like that again dodge it for the moment

Anon849

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 47w

@bonnieisthebest💗 I agree, dodge in the moment until you are safe and OK to expose yourself. ERP is also cautious about not throwing you in the deep end of the pool and hoping you'll swim.

Kerra

Date posted: 47w

girl!! took the words right outta my mouth!! you are not alone for real

Kerra

Date posted: 47w

like this is exactly how i feel no lie im starting ERP tomorrow and im so nervous my anxiety has went down alot since it first started now i fear im gunna get depressed or i am cause the thoughts are always there its starting to be so annoying and it’s mostly when im alone .. cause when im around people they arent as bad and maybe thats an issue cause its aviodance in a way idk it’s definitely a scary feeling

flocr

Date posted: 47w

@Kerra Omg yes! Same thing for me its extremly scary

Kerra

Date posted: 47w

@flocr avoidance meaning avoid being alone cause i used to be ok with it but now its weird lol im learning to be alone is ok i go hiking alone and to the store alone even when i have the thoughts i cant let them take over

Kerra

Date posted: 47w

@flocr started taking Line, which helps with the nervous system. It helps with ADHD. It helps with OCD so they say also I have been drinking lemon balm, tea and chamomile tea which definitely helps you sleep and it’s natural. It’s really really good for you and they said it also helps with anxiety and depression so I would definitely give it a try.

Kerra

Date posted: 47w

@flocr l-theanine is what i started taking but if ur on ssri or anything check with dr before trying any herbs or supplements

flocr

Date posted: 47w

@Kerra Yes I can say that today my thoughts are really intense I feel like they are more intense than usual and Im so scared they are really suicidal ideation and not just intrusive thoughts. But why would I want to do it? There is no reason… but I feel so bad right now so Im scared im in danger but I want to live so badly I dont know how to help myself right now. I just want to be reassured that Im not suicidal 😢

flocr

Date posted: 47w

@Kerra Thank you so much for the suggestion I will definitly try tonight!

Kerra

Date posted: 47w

@flocr i completely understand with these thoughts and it will get easier idk if ur spiritual person just practice gratitude praying helps but dont do it everytime u get in spiral cause that end being a compulsion there is youtube videos on how to manage urself until ur get a therapist

flocr

Date posted: 47w

@Kerra Thank you, yes I love doing gratitude but then my ocd tells me Im lying to myself and that I am not actually grateful for these things, which is so false but I cant stop thinking about it

Kerra

Date posted: 47w

@flocr i know its ok we got this honestly we are stronger then our thoughts we gotta take one day at a time and practice being present

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd tips

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd advice?

bradyx20

Date posted: 14w

don’t know what’s happening to me

i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self

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So anxious today

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