Suicidal OCD
How do I know I’m not suicidal? Like high key freaking out?!! I’m so scared of myself and I completely let the emotion take over. My therapist said u can’t just become suicidal but how do I know I’m not? How do I know I won’t be?
I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Maybe you can turn this current obsession into an exposure. I know it’s the last thing you want to do, but to say “maybe I am suicidal, maybe I’m not, I don’t need to figure that out at this moment, right now I am going to do…” and go do something of value. It will be hard but it’s doable. Let the thoughts be there without trying to refute them. You are the bus driver and all your annoying thoughts are the rowdy passengers along for the ride. You as the driver have the power to decide which way to go and the passengers along for the ride will try to distract you but you just stay the course and you will notice the passengers eventually get less and less rowdy. You can do this!!!
@DunderMifflin Thank you so much! That was very helpful! I also question if one day I’ll get to bored and want to kill myself. Do you have any tips for that? I think I also constantly need to know how I’m feeling and if I have symptoms of suicidal thoughts etc. like my biggest question is “what would make me hate myself/life that I would kill myself” Thank you so much! I will definitely use your advice cause it’s such a scary feeling!
@Anais V The same response would apply to whatever “what if” thought may pop up. “Maybe, maybe not”. The whole point is to learn to live with the uncertainty of not knowing what could or couldn’t happen in the future. Because none of us have the power to know what the future holds. I may get hit by a bus on my way to work in the morning, who knows. If you are into self help books, I’d highly recommend The mindfulness workbook for OCD by Jonathan Hershfield. I know 110% how you are feeling right now. I have been there too. It’s not the thoughts that are the problem - it’s your response to the thoughts that is making life hell right now. The good news is that responses are totally a choice. It doesn’t seem that way but I promise, once your response changes, the anxiety will too.
Thank you for sharing your experience and showing that more people struggle from this I struggle form this exactly and it puts me in a choke hold sometimes but it’s not really I promise, put yourself somewhere safe and relax it will pass and your storm will calm I need to do that myself because I don’t and I come here to read other peoples thoughts so I know I’m not alone and that it’s a mental disorder not your real self you will be ok
I totally understand how you feel and how scary it can be
“How do I know XYZ” is classic OCD
@Anonymous Haha! That’s true.
(PLEASE HELP IM BEGGING!) Hey guys, right now I’m having suicidal OCD and it’s really fucking scaring me because I know I want to live but it’s feeling like I’m going to end my life any second or any day now and that I’m going to die soon, and I’m afraid that I’m going to come up with a plan and go through with it, or say fuck it, I don’t care about recovery, be selfish and just do it. I’m SO scared I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if these are real suicidal thoughts or just my OCD attacking me and I’m genuinely scared for my life. It’s like every second of the day I get a stupid intrusive suicidal thought and it makes me feel like I’m really suicidal and that I don’t want to live anymore, for ANYTHING positive I hear, I twist it and make it negative and tell myself, you’re going to die soon, or you’re gonna kill yourself anyway, you don’t have a future, you don’t care anymore. I even feel a lil bit down and sad when I get these thoughts and I start to feel depersonalization, I almost feel depressed when I get these thoughts all day and it makes me feel like I’m genuinely gonna get depressed and the suicidal thoughts will become REAL I’m so scared. Even when my parents tell me that I’m going to be ok and not do anything, I tell myself in my mind that I’m still going to go through with suicide and just kill myself. I don’t have a set plan and I’m afraid that I may develop a plan and want to go through with it. IM SCARED FOR MY LIFE! IM SO FUCKING SCARED PLEASE HELP PLEASE! Anyone that has gone through this PLEASE HELP! Going into a hospital won’t help because I’m not ACTUALLY suicidal but these thoughts make me FEEL like I am and it’s just SO confusing I don’t know what’s real and what’s not!!! PLEASE HELP ANYONE!!!! I’m so fucking scared ??
So i was on a wait list for therapy and finally i have someone that can help me. I received a message from a therapist and i lost my shit. I started panicking and my brain is making up all sorts of terrible scenarios. For exemple, i have suicidal ocd and im terrified to potentially be suicidal. Welll my brain is telling me that the therapist will know that im suicidal and will make me go to the hospital. It makes me want to never get help because of all the scenarios. I dont know if its ocd. I want to cry, im so scared
I can’t figure out if I’m really suicidal or just obsessing over the thought of it. Im to scared to even do it. I don't know if this is my OCD or what but for the past week or so it's been really bothering me these thoughts that I am on edge, scared. I haven't eaten in 3 days. I have imagined every single way of doing it, and everything and it makes me SICK. It feels like an urge at this point. I start to feel like maybe I could actually do it, then I feel myself about to go into a panic attack. I already feel derealization where this world doesn't feel real and nobody seems real to me, and my family feels like strangers and I'm just really scared. I feel very scared. I don't physically feel like I'm "here." I feel like my mind is lost. I feel like I just want to be at peace and then I think I’m seriously suicidal and the cycle just keeps repeating itself. Im sick to my stomach and terrified.
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