POCD?

I feel like there has to be someone out there that relates in someway that the past few months since my OCD got extremely bad again. I had it when I was 17 but it didn’t last long it completely faded and I totally forgot about it even happening. But it started up again back in March and I noticed that I’ve been kind of creating these thoughts to see reactions and similarities to people that are actually the p word. It’s like I’m constantly trying to prove myself wrong. Feel like I’m constantly trying to prove myself that I’m just a p in denial. I feel like no matter how many times I try to sit with uncertainty or try to reassure myself. This is not who I am. A part of me truly believes that that is just who I am and I have been lying to myself and others, and it makes me extremely, depressed and frustrated. hoping someone else can understand where I’m coming from in someway. I just find myself constantly convincing myself that I’m just a p in denial and I even come up with reasons why in my head can OCD make you truly believe something? Making you feel like you just have completely changed.

Mike✌️

Date posted: 47w

Yup. I relate. The pocd nailed me out of nowhere like three years ago. Set me up fur exactly what you’re going through and it lasted like three years because I had no idea what it was. When it turned to harm ocd, I talked to a psychiatrist and got diagnosed. Put me on Zoloft and a new therapist. It’s been pretty good. It helped get rid of my doubts about myself, and I can just accept these whacko thoughts and still know I’m not really as sick as I fear I am. Hope that helps. You’re not alone.

Bowbow

Date posted: 47w

@Mike✌️ I went two different places to get diagnosed because I thought they just missed diagnosed but the second place I went to put me on Prozac and it really hasn’t been helping it just kind of made me even more numb emotionally but the thoughts were still pretty constant. I did just start therapy though which not ERP or CBT it’s called DBT. It’s where you find a middle ground in between these thoughts and who you used to be before them, you kind of find better ways to cope with them. But I’m hoping I’ll be able to talk to my psychiatrist about switching the medicine because I feel like it just made it worse. I stopped taking it and my thoughts are still there but they’re way less powerful. I feel like not on the medication. Hopefully that means I just need to try something different.

BAT89

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 47w

You are not alone. You are not those things. I can relate to your fears and intrusive thoughts. OCD is lying to you.

Bowbow

Date posted: 47w

@BAT89 thank you I really appreciate that response. I noticed my OCD makes me have so much self doubt to the point that it kinda creates thoughts afterwards I have so much self-doubt about myself and I start to get either anxiety filled or just very depressed or worried and the minute I do, I feel like the thoughts start to creep back in, and I get stuck in them like in a rabbit hole.

vincenzokeez

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 35w

OCD certainly does the trick to convince yourself of something that it isn’t and it is hard to not see what you are not. And I bet because of the feelings too it makes it harder to say you are not. I’m struggling massively with ROCD. Even just saying that makes me doubt like mad!!!!!!

dee012

Date posted: 22w

anyone else?

maybe a therapist can respond or anyone who relates and experiences this also?? im trying to make sense . ever since ocd started, specifically harm ocd and pocd, sexual themes ocd in general, my brain makes everything sexual or gross. or just makes inappropriate connections with quite literally anything. or any person I see I wonder if they are a p, or if they are “like me”, because im fully convinced at times that im some weird or bad person, and then when i see actual criminals etc i cant help but compare myself to them it’s so weird?????? or sometimes I feel like i cant judge a p because im no different than them?? idk its so weird. rn writing this ik im not a p like what im just struggling with really bad ocd and trauma I hope :( It’s just my brain distorts everything and then it makes me feel worse, like “ur an actual p or pervert because see??? ur brain is sexualizing everything?” hopefully this makes sense

justtrynamakeit

Date posted: 22w

POCD - Week of Hell

So I was doing good for about 5 months. I was going to therapy, practicing the skills, and for about the past month, I fell into a depression funk. The last week, however, has been a week of really loud OCD. I am in a constant state of anxiety and find myself doing compulsions. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced what I'm about to describe. I'm considering taking myself to the hospital, but my little boy's birthday party is this weekend and I don't want to miss it: I keep having this bad feeling like I actually want to do the bad things in my mind. I know OCD intrusive thoughts can tell you "I want to" but this just seems different - maybe it's OCD trying to come at me a new way. It's not like thoughts telling me "I want" it's like even when I tell myself I don't want to do the bad stuff, there's this nagging feeling telling me I really want to. I'm scared.

anonymous00001

Date posted: 20w

Looking for “proof” that it’s not OCD

Hey all, I’ve been having some ebbs and flows in recovery, but for the most part I’ve really had a lot of improvements in quality of life since starting treatment in 2023. Something that really trips me up is ruminating on my past and looking for “evidence” or “proof” that the things that I’m obsessed with are real and not OCD. I spend quite a lot of time doing this. I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it until recently. Example: that I’m secretly gay and lying to everyone (I’m bi), that I’m a horrible person deep down, that I’ve never actually loved any person including my family, that I have the “wrong” political or religious beliefs. I look for proof in every corner of my past. It makes some sense that I think this way because with my previous therapist, who I saw for 8 years and did not diagnose me with OCD, we would look for evidence and proof that my obsessions are irrational and I learned to deal with them that way. At the time it was a lot of health concern and contamination themes, but I literally learned to ruminate and search for relief. But I just kept getting sicker and sicker until I got diagnosed with OCD. It’s a frustrating compulsion that keeps showing up for me. What if these scary things are true? What if it’s not OCD at all and I’m in denial? Have I lied my way into thinking I have OCD? It’s so hard. Anyway, I’m curious if anyone else has come across this in recovery? Let me know your thoughts and I hope you’re well. ❤️

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