Struggling with bisexuality and seeking someone to talk to about it.

Re: HOCD/bisexuality So I'm sure a lot of us here are familiar with the old "no one is 100% straight or gay," "sexuality is a spectrum," etc. etc. etc. Obviously those things don't offer sticking reassurance to those of us with a feelings of intense doubt, urgency & guilt telling us we are liars, need to immediately live in accordance with our true selves, and so on. I'm just curious whether anyone here is actually somewhat comfortable with the idea of bisexuality, like I am sometimes. What mostly triggers me are thoughts that I would like being with the same sex MORE, that I'm MOSTLY gay, that I shouldn't have a boyfriend because it's dishonest to who I am and going to lead to pain and wasted time, that I SHOULD go have sex with a woman because otherwise how will I ever know who I really am? It's basically a desire to have a complete understanding of my orientation and live in a way that perfectly represents that. But obviously this doesn't completely make sense because human behavior is complex and people don't solely get involved with one another to test their sexual responses, lol. They do it because they just follow their motivation and if they make a mistake, they deal with it and redirect. Honestly not sure if this post is just me having a compulsion to vent (I've compulsively journaled in the past, sometimes going until I end on some note of reassurance). But I'm hitting send ?‍♀️

I’m new to this app and just wanted to share my story. As a young girl I definitely had compulsions. My mom always told me she would take me to a psychiatrist (I would cry when people sat on my bed). Anyways, as I got older I definitely grew out of a lot of things. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD but I have GAD. I know I definitely have OCD because I have done a lot of research. Recently I have really, really been struggling with HOCD. I’ve never experienced this before, and that’s why it’s making it more scary. I’m a young adult woman and have been in a very serious relationship with a male for many years. I love him so much. I am also very athletic and not very girly. I always loved the fact that I was a guys gal, but lately it has made me super insecure. A lot of people at school assume I’m bisexual because I’m super pro LGBTQ rights and idk? Idk why I give off that “vibe”. It never bothered me, I always thought it was funny, and I have no issue with being gay, but I’m definitely not?! During this quarantine my guy friends have said I have way way more guy friends than girl friends, someone asked my teammate if I was bisexual, and I have never had an orgasm from my boyfriend. It started really getting in my head and I keep being like “am I gay and that’s why I don’t orgasm”. This seems so pathetic and writing this actually helps and makes me realize there is no way I like women. But anyways THE THOUGHTS DO NOT STOP. I keep worrying that I do not know myself, and maybe I don’t love my bf, and maybe other people see something I don’t. Anyways, how can I help myself? I am noticing I’m reassuring and checking and starting compulsions

Please someone leave any advice or similar stories. I had identified as bi and then had fears about my sexuality a few years ago, and decided on the term unlabeled to describe my sexuality to anyone who asked and it made me the most comfortable because i was confused about my romantic atraction and sexual attraction towards women vs men. Recently, seemingly triggered by pride month and people discussing comp het, while in a relationship with my boyfriend I have been dealing with fears of wondering if I'm really attracted to men at all or what attraction really feels like and being sexually aroused by explicit images of women I had seen by accident. I am worried that I am experiencing comp het or I'm in the wrong relationship or I'm going to hurt my boyfriend. I have also voiced all of this to him and he is there for me, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I have other anxieties about my relationship and worry if those are ocd related or not as well(such as worrying about limerence) but I'm just so terrified. I feel that just because I have ocd that doesn't mean I can have these experiences that other queer people actually have and it makes me worried that I coukd go years without ever knowing just for one day to know and my whole world to be flipped upside down. I'd rather die than for that to be my reality. Someone please leave advice or tips it's all so appreciated.