- Date posted
- 49w
Trying to make peace
I know I post on here a lot but I feel like posting on here makes me feel better and helps me vent about what's going on with me I've never been the comment type to post anything because of how shy I am and how introverted I can be but this has been killing me and this hasn't been bothering me since what happened this week and I gave into this one compulsion that I did not want to do but I did anyway and know I feel as if this is who I am this monster and I'm trying to forget about this...I don't want this to be who I am because I know deep down this is not who I am and I know I'm a good person it's just been this one compulsion for me that has taken a turn for the worse when there have been times we're something like this has triggered me and I've never gave in because I know it's wrong but I just really want to move on with my life and I don't want this to take a toll on my brain and I don't want my brain to feel like this is who I am and that I want this because I don't I'm looking for a psychiatrist so they can help me being autistic and 21 and no job and living with my mother and going to college should be an easy life for me but mentally for me but it's just scary now I feel as if this is something that I want and I don't want to think like that and everytime I try to distract myself form whats going on it comes back like its just like it wont go away i keep saying no i dont want this feeling this is wrong go away but my brain is like no this is who you are you like this you shouldn't have done that compulsion if you new it was bad and like i feel this lightheaded in the back of my head and this pit in my stomach like i feel like im gonna throw up and this horrible urges and groinals that i feel like im gonna do something bad and feeling tired and sleeping all day and then waking up with anxiety but if this doesn't get better I feel like I need to get brain surgery to figure out what's going on with me because this I feel terrible about this. But yeah, this is just a vent, but does anyone relate to how I feel rn like the same situation??? I don't want to feel alone even though I'm not.... :Sorry for my Grammer