Need advice

So ever since I was little now that I think about it I might have had ocd I would had what some would call rocd and have intrusive thoughts like I hate god or I sold my soul obviously being a kid I didn't know what ocd was cause I always thought it was about organization and etc but everytime I would have to do mental compulsion like everytime I got a thought like that I had to ask for forgiveness I eventually stopped as I got older and now I would call myself an agnostic but at the start of this year I started having intrusive thoughts about harming myself and others after I was having bad panic attack every day due to stress I obviously could tell I was not doing okay so started researching and found out about schizophrenia(worst thing I have ever done)my brain automatically went hyperaware of everything,every sound,vision etc also scared that I would go insane and hurt someone so anytime I would hear something or see anything I would get terrified thinking I could be hallucinating I remember even getting my mom to take me to the hospital it was so bad even tried to go to the 7th floor which is the floor for mentally ill patients but they just brushed it off and said it was probably due to anxiety so fast forward I start seeing a doctor he also said he didn't think I was schizophrenic after telling him a he prescribed me medication ssri 100mg He started actually doing better got another job and started doing well I still had the thoughts and fear of schizophrenia but didn't bother me that's when I had the thought what if my brother is trying to kill me that's when it spiraled with these thoughts having paranoid thoughts about what if people are plotting against me and not what ifs but they are but I 1000000000% don't believe them and know that's crazy no one is plotting or trying to hurt me but I became obsessed with this new thought and the new theme switched,I mean technically the same theme cause it is the fear of schizophrenia but the thoughts changed I guess probably because I researched so much about schizophrenia now I'm even more scared I'm becoming schizophrenic cause these paranoid thoughts worry me because I start to think what if I believe them like I know I don't but what if I do,I always see that schizophrenic are paranoid about this and I know I don't believe them but it's like my mind is always thinking about it I mean I could literally be walking outside,shopping,doing whatever I'm doing see someone and have the thought there plotting against me or trying to kill me and I'm like what noooooo what the hell who thinks that,a schizophrenic of course and I have to constantly research everyday my symptoms of paranoid thinking and it's hard because I hear everybody else relate to being scared of developing it but mine really does like I'm having actual paranoid thoughts that again I know is insane and not true I even got a therapist she also said she doesn't believe I have it but trauma she didn't say anything about ocd though so it's like what is it then schizophrenia these thoughts just distress me so much cause what if I start believing them and they feel so real cause most people have what ifs mine are they are but I still 1000000% don't believe them

RS1208

Date posted: 36w

I know this is a bit late, but I totally relate to this. The paranoid like thoughts scare me so much. Then my brain can’t tell if I truly believe the thoughts or not, even if logically I try to say I do not. Then the next thought is “we’ll if you’re scared of it, you must be developing it.” It’s hard, I feel ya, man.

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

Is schizo ocd a thing?

I have been having these fears about developing schizophrenia, it reached a point where i am starting to almost hear things or the smallest sounds and my mind tells me you're schizophrenic, and i feel this weird sensations in my ear as if someone is whispering yet i can barely hear them, the thing is i am not diagnosed yet because i never work with an OCD therapist but i study psychology so i just used what i learnt to give a meaning to my suffering, many themes of this fear have been happening before and this schizophrenia fear is the last one. I want to know what advice you can give me or ways to make my brain calm down a little bit, i also don't have and can't afford a therapist that's why i am here in the first place I also want to know more informations or experiences with this theme if anyone habe experienced it and what helped you with it I remember feeling better for a while but than i collapsed back, but i am hoping to get better soon too or anytime in the future, I don't want reassurance so make sure you be as real as you can, and thanks 🙏🏻

pollydol

Date posted: 10w

I kill people with my mind

I don't know what this is, I don't know enough about OCD, my psychiatrist put me on a medication and told me I have OCD and a mood disorder but I didn't ask any questions because I didn't want to be annoying. I have "evidence" that every year, when I think about death, the world kills someone I love, and it always happens twice. I have nothing to help change that, like, I don't do anything with my thoughts or anything numbers or ritually, so I wasn't sure if it even was OCD, but I do move my hands in certain ways to make my friends happy or improve their lives. Also I cant turn off my fan or something SA related will happen (i dont know how) I think that the world is threatening me, and that if I do something wrong or involve myself with certain things, the world will punish me and the people around me, so all I can do is apologize I've tried looking into the different types of OCD, and all of them are things that I've been anxious about before, but I haven't really been so anxious about any one of them in particular or held onto it for so long, or done any rituals, that I would probably not even say I have OCD. Like, I worry that I'm a nazi, I worry that I like kids, I worry that I killed my friend, I worry that I have schizophrenia or am somehow giving myself it, I worry that I'm going to abuse someone, I worry that I've already abused someone, I worry that somehow I might die, I worry people can hear my thoughts, I worry about ignoring my friend when he cried out for help, I worry that God has already rejected me from heaven, I worry that I like women, I worry that if I don't hit the hammer 9 times on the wall when Im using it that just something bad will happen that I dont know what and I don't know why, and I feel like I don't have a single compulsion that can even "fix" or bring relief to any of these things besides saying sorry, because if I say sorry at least people know that I am apologetic for the crimes I've committed, but saying sorry doesn't fix anything except my own guilt so I'm just a bad person looking for sympathy or seeking attention I don't know enough about OCD, and I don't know how to seek help for my condition because I don't even know if that's really what I have, if I'm not just simply anxious, or possibly schizophrenic Does any of this seem familiar to anyone? Can it be this varied and unfocused? Does this really sound like OCD, or can it be anything else, because I don't want to bark up the wrong tree when I could just be taking medication for something else.

cait1299

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

Really struggling!

Hi guys! I had really bad harm ocd about 2 years ago and I went through therapy and eventually got really good at handling it when it would pop up. The other day, I was scrolling on TikTok and came across a girl talking about a guy who was presenting a lot of schizophrenic symptoms but no one paid attention and got him help, he was having a lot of delusions, hallucinating, thinking everyone was out to get him, thought he was Jesus and his dad was the president and ended up doing horrific things. The day after that, I was dealing with some work drama and had the thought of “what if all my coworkers are against me and trying to get me fired”. That really stressed me out, cause I don’t normally think about them like that and I went down a rabbit hole of thinking that was the beginning of me developing schizophrenia, ended up googling stuff all night, taking tests, crying and seeking reassurance. I had a thought the other day “your dad is the president”, this one didn’t stress me out as bad as I knew it was just the video I had seen and it was an intrusive thought about it, and I also didn’t believe it. Today I was with some friends and I got a prize at a place we went and it said “lonely” on it. I do have my moments of feeling lonely and this week has been specifically trying so I had a thought like “oh someone’s out to get me cause I got this”. I know this isn’t logical and it wouldn’t make sense to just randomly get it if someone was truly after me and it was just a stupid prize at a random place, anyone could’ve gotten it. Im just struggling a lot with schizophrenic OCD and thinking I’m in the pre stages of it. In my good moments, I don’t think I am at all and it was all just sparked from the video I watched but in my bad moments, these thoughts feel real!! They really stress me out and make me feel like I’m going to lose my mind causing me to lose my job/ end up in a psych hospital/ never live a normal life/ end up alone, never see me my loved ones/ hurt my loved ones. I just want to feel normal and not like I’m about to lose my mind and everything I care about. Please help!!! Anyone else going through something similar and can help me get through this!

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