Fear of being lied to

@Anonymous It’s so bad I’m at the point of obsessing that my partner isn’t even right for me because he can’t make this all stop. I am excited for therapy to help me.

@zzbaylee Thank you so so much for answering, I’ve been feeling hopeless and so alone with this struggle for awhile and even hearing about 1 other person struggling with the same thing (as sad/hard as it is), it does make me feel a lot less alone! I’m so sorry you’re going thru that 😢 I check on/with my partner constantly too and he is also feeling hurt from the lack of trust even though he understands that he’s half the reason I have these issues (the other half is my anxiety/OCD that I had before him). If you don’t mind me asking, did your betrayal trauma happen with your current partner or someone in the past?

@mariahd I’m so glad you’re excited to try therapy! I’m trying a new therapy too, EMDR, since I’m realizing a lot of these issues are stemming from specific traumatic experiences.

@mariahd Hey!!! Glad to meet you! I am sorry you go through this too, it is horrifying and so disruptive. I am starting ERT therapy for my OCD and my new, wonderful NOCD therapist feels extremely confident that fixing my OCD will change my entire life and pretty much save my marriage. The betrayal trauma started with my Mom cheating on my Dad, previous partners and my current partner have both betrayed me too. We have almost healed our trust issues completely and he is a new man (we are both Christians) but the OCD is terrorizing the both of us and holding us both victim. Once I talked to an OCD specialist already just twice this week from NOCD she was able to show me ways this is all different forms of OCD coming out. Talk therapy makes OCD way worse and that’s what happened to me! I have been diagnosed with severe OCD this week and I can’t wait to get true help and heal!!! Thank you for sharing your experience with me 🤍✨ I am here for you!

@zzbaylee Nice to meet you too 💕 It truly is! Wow that’s awesome, please let me know how it goes with your therapy and how it helps! ☺️ (feel free to personally message me if that’s a thing on this app). Gotcha, yeah that must be so hard to have multiple betrayals playing in your mind 😢 mine is slightly from an ex but mostly my current partner hiding a tobacco addiction from me. Is “talk therapy” like typical CBT therapy? Because that’s what I had been doing up to this point and it didn’t fully help! Even tho that therapist helped me come to my OCD diagnosis!

@mariahd Yes! I had the same betrayal with the use of a weed pen happening 24/7 behind my back too - doesn’t it make you feel like you don’t even know them anymore?? It’s real! I feel for you. I don’t see a private message or I would! Yes Talk Therapy includes CBT and more! At least your therapist was aware of OCD as a diagnosis! I hope that can help you a lot. I had no idea mine was so bad but just knowing this now everything makes so much sense on why I’ve been suffering so horribly out of proportion!!!

@zzbaylee Gotcha, I’m so sorry you went thru that! My ex used to smoke weed (he didn’t hide it tho) but I didn’t like it, so honestly most substances are triggering to me now 😅 yes it’s like you have 2 halves to your brain: with 1 half, you know and love your person and everything feels fine, the other half feels like you are so scared and angry at them and don’t feel like you know them or can trust them 💔 Yes for sure! It does help to be able to “define” what’s going on! I just had another really bad night with all of this stuff. So many intrusive thoughts about my partner hiding a new addiction from me because of a smell. My OCD gets really bad when I have a reason/new trigger that my brain thinks it logically explains the worry 😢

@mariahd Girl I totally relate: I am set off by smells too!!!!! I was late to therapy one day because I thought I smelled weed in the bathroom and had the urge to smell every little thing until I knew it wasn’t there. I get triggered DAILY and have horrible intrusive thoughts and ruminations…. You are definitely not alone! 💞 NOCD Therapy is already helping so much!

@zzbaylee Oh my gosh you sound exactly like me, it’s crazy! I will do super similar things!! We live in an apartment, so we’ll sometimes smell weed coming from the hallway or another person’s apartment next to us that’s maybe connected to us with the vents! But there are certain smells that I’ve noticed that sometimes smells similar to weed for a second: coffee, burnt food, or herbal-y hair/skin products lol. I’m so glad therapy is helping you so much already! If you don’t mind me asking, how much do they charge for a session?

@mariahd I understand… when we drive and pass by a car that smells like it I have the urge to interrogate 😭 It’s so much more than just that though! It’s so horrible. All OCD! With my insurance it is $20 per session!

@zzbaylee I totally understand that feeling and how crazy it makes you feel even though there’s a small part of you that keeps worrying that it’s true! Have you and your partner done any couples therapy to work on the betrayal that happened between you guys? We haven’t yet but we’re both seeing our own therapist. What makes this issue so hard for me is that it’s for sure OCD but it’s also for sure actual trust issues that anyone I think would have (just not as bad probably lol) because of my current partner breaking my trust earlier on (him hiding his chewing tobacco addiction from me). Just curious on any things you guys have done as a couple that has helped you work on the actual trust issues/betrayal, since I’m looking for any ideas/advice! ☺️

@mariahd We did try couples therapy, but my OCD Therapist was very clear that any other kind of therapy than that for OCD makes OCD worse. Couples therapy did NOT work for us but individual therapy for our own issues to heal ourselves is what is working best. Our relationship is already improving after only 3 visits and I know my OCD is going to be manageable and healed after I keep going. What has helped the most is my OCD therapy, forgiveness, choosing to believe my husband loves me and wants to heal himself and be better for us through Jesus!

@zzbaylee Got it, that is so interesting to know that other types of therapy can make it worse, maybe that’s what was happening to me 😲😅 my husband and I will definitely continue to keep going to our individual therapy! That’s awesome to hear! ☺️ we are both Christian too, so that’s a good point to focus on that aspect too! If you ever want to chat more about our journeys with all of this, my Instagram username is @mariah.deschler ☺️💕

@mariahd I will message you! 🤍

@zzbaylee Hi Baylee! Just checking in to see how your journey with OCD +betrayal/lying is going? Mine just got worse and I’m looking for hope 😅