My shower is never clean!

I’ve just moved into the dorms this fall, and I feel with that, I’ve developed all kinds of triggers for contamination ocd that I’ve never had before. I will never touch my carpet, or anything that has direct contact with my carpet because I have no idea whose feet have been there before me and I kinda have a fear of feet. I use both the dishwasher and I clean my dishes by hand because I’m scared that neither will be enough to clean my dishes alone, even though I hand wash them very thoroughly. Even after all this I don’t trust them to be clean. Sometimes I wash my dishes many times before using them. These are just a couple examples of the contamination things that freak me out. The worst thing of all is my shower. All my life I’ve felt like the shower wasn’t safe to some extent. I used to barely be able to get through washing my face before I had to peek out the shower curtain for the millionth time and checked if the bathroom door was locked, and I have had triggers in the past with contamination ocd in my own shower at home. But now it’s like a whole other level. My shower is a disgusting place to me even though I clean it often. And I know that I can’t just avoid showering, so I’m sort of forced into the erp on this one but I feel so much anxiety with every second that I’m in the shower. I try to ignore my discomfort and just sit with it but it still seems to get worse every day. I wanted to catch this obsession early by starting erp before it got bad but I feel like I’m trying erp and it still manages to get worse. Does this mean my fears are justified? Should I be afraid of my shower? Is something bad going to happen to me because my shower isn’t clean? I hate this.

Amara

Date posted: 37w

It's crucial to understand that OCD often causes irrational fears and thoughts fears that don't reflect reality or are disproportionate to the actual risk involved. Your shower being perceived as disgusting is part of the anxiety driven thinking associated with OCD, and it doesn’t mean your fears are justified. During ERP, anxiety may increase before it begins to decrease. It’s common for your discomfort to feel more pronounced during the exposure phase, especially in a situation that feels new and overwhelming, like living in a dorm. The key is to continue practicing ERP while gradually increasing your exposure to those feared situations without engaging in compulsions.You might try breaking down your exposure tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. For example, you can start with simply standing in the shower without turning on the water, then progress to washing a less anxiety provoking part of your body before washing your face, and so on. Gradual exposure can help you build confidence and reduce the overwhelming feelings over time. Incorporating mindfulness techniques can also help in managing your anxiety. Mindfulness encourages you to focus on the present moment rather than getting caught up in the fear of contamination. When considering therapy, ensure that the therapist specializes in OCD. Other types of therapists may not be suitable, and you may waste your time and money. I I think they give you two or three sessions per week at the beginning of your journey. Lastly, remember that recovery from OCD is often not linear, there may be ups and downs along the way. Believe in yourself and your recovery.

No matric ce...

Date posted: 37w

Are you seeing a therapist?

Anonymous489

Date posted: 37w

@Keeren I sort of am but it’s infrequent. It’s usually once a week but these past 2 weeks I haven’t been able to. How often should someone with ocd see a therapist? Or does it vary person to person? I feel like one hour once a week isn’t enough for me. If you are seeing a therapist how often do you meet with them if you don’t mind me asking

flutterfawn

Date posted: 25w

contamination ocd

all morning i have been feeling like there is dirt and grime on my skin. i showered last night. i washed my hair on tuesday night and i will wash it tonight. but i feel like there is dirt in my scalp and in my hair and i feel like i haven’t showered in weeks. i don’t want to feel like this anymore. every day i am anxious about how clean i am and its taking over my life. any tips?

c0dfish

Date posted: 18w

How to keep contamination ocd from taking over?

(long read ahead, sorry lol) I’ve struggled with ocd for as far back as I can remember. I find that it gets worse with stress, and recently I’ve really been struggling with the contamination aspect of my ocd. I’m worried about it becoming unmanageable and negatively affecting my relationship with my partner. I’ve been living with my boyfriend since January (got kicked out of my house a week after I turned 18, it’s for the better though my house is toxic as hell) and I love living with him, but him and his family aren’t as concerned with cleaning as I am used to. My boyfriend and I have been together going on 2 years and there’s been many times throughout our relationship that his struggle with depression severely impacted his ability to keep up with cleaning his room. This is something I completely understand because I’ve struggled with it too so i’ve often helped him clean, and since i’ve moved in he’s done so much better at keeping up with cleaning (especially because he knows about my issues with clutter, mess, germs, etc.) He is really good at being accommodating towards my needs (not overly so, i’m aware that recovering includes accepting being uncomfortable), but it’s so hard for me to differentiate between what is the normal standard for cleanliness and hygiene and what’s excessive and unhealthy. I get so stressed out every single day over the thought of how dirty everything is. He has 3 cats that mainly stay in his room (he has a catio attached to his window/side of the house) and dogs which stay on the opposite side of the house and backyard, so there is fur everywhere constantly (i’m also allergic to cats but it’s not severe). I can’t stop thinking about how they are getting germs from their litter box all over everything. They also used to piss under his bed and in his closet when his room used to be a mess and it’s soaked into the floor so no matter what it stinks. It’s so hard to bring myself to walk around the house without slippers because my feet will get visibly dirty and my socks would get covered in hair. I always think about how my boyfriend sometimes walks on the rugs in the bathroom in shoes and all the germs that spreads. There’s so many more things but this is already getting long and I am shaking just thinking about how unclean everything is. I want to deep clean the entire house myself so I can get it to where It’s not like psychological torture everyday and it’s easier to maintain but I have been so busy I don’t have the time. I am worried about my boyfriend thinking I don’t like living with him or that I think that’s he’s dirty but i don’t. We have had several conversations about this and he’s reassured me that he knows none of my obsessive thoughts are personal but I still feel so bad about it. I would like to get therapy to help work through this but currently that is not an option for me. I know things will get better once I get through the main things in my life that are causing a lot of stress and therefore making my ocd flair up, but I need advice on what to do in the mean time. I keep having moments where all I can do is shake and cry and clean and I feel bad for my poor boyfriend who can only sit next to me and try to comfort me or help me clean. I also don’t want to make him worried that nothing he does is enough for me (i’ve also already talked to him about this and told him about how I can never even be clean enough for myself and that I don’t think he’s dirty). There’s been many times where I want to tell him to do things that I think might be my own unhealthy compulsions (ex. not wearing shoes in the house or in our room, not getting into bed with socks on, making sure to completely dry off before getting out the shower, put makeup and jewelry back where they belong right after using them, etc.) but i can’t tell if they’re reasonable or not and i try to not tell him unless it’s something that severely distresses me. I’m aware that everything is going to have germs no matter what and have been using NER’s to help manage my thought spirals/rumination. I know that I shouldn’t keep doing compulsions because it just offers temporary relief and makes the problem worse because nothing will ever be enough. I just feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless and exhausted and want some feedback.

bun <3

Date posted: 15w

everything around me feels contaminated :((

sorry this is super long i just wanna know if anyone else has been thru something similar bc i feel super alone 🩷 i have super bad contamination ocd. it was bad already but my house was like my safe space until a few months ago someone brought something into my house that i considered ‘contaminated’. and so then i felt like that part of the house was contaminated, then it spread to everything outside my room (since family is moving around touching stuff) and then somehow i got convinced everything in my room except my bed is contaminated and i need to wash my hands after touching it. in my mind its like the contamination just infinitely spreads to things after the tiniest bit of touch. idek what im afraid of anymore or even what the original thing was but i can’t let it go. when i have to wash off contamination i have to wash at least 4 times or until it feels right, or sometimes take rlly long showers and wipe down all my stuff. i even throw away food and clothes or just whole items sometimes because they feel so contaminated i don’t want them in my space. i can’t be super near people or have anyone touch me, and i also can’t bring anything new into my room since it had to go through the entry of my house which feels contaminated. i feel like all i do is lay in bed and then wash my hands and do compulsions so i can go eat or do other stuff around the house. also i never go out because i’m bc people outside make me feel dirty, and i hate thinking about how many people have touched stuff in stores or in public and stuff. so im just in my room worrying all day. i feel so trapped and the contamination/avoiding it is all i think about anymore i barely have time for anything else and im never present when i talk to people because im worrying about if i accidentally got contaminated. im starting erp next week and knowing that im going to have to expose myself to things is really freaking me out. does anyone else have this kind of ocd ? im exhaustedddd 🥲🥲💔

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My shower is never clean!

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