My OCD Story

Hi Everyone, Im new to the site and just wanted to share a bit about my OCD story. Between the ages of 10-12 i had my first OCD episode, (of course didnt know it was OCD), this came in the form of thinking of past events and other things and the anxiety got so bad i had to tell my mum, due to how frequent and how bad these thoughts got it upset my mum badly and the main thing i remember is her saying ‘are you just trying to get my attention!’… she took me to the doctors, i have no idea what was said because they sent me out of the room. After this i felt i couldnt speak to anyone about anything like this ever again. Ive had thoughts all my life which again didnt know it was OCD, it all just became normal to me, i had a lot of different thoughts throughout the years e.g i was pregnant even though i had not been intimate with anyone, any kind of blood i saw even from far away had given me HIV, the end of the world, if i wore the colour black to bed i would die, i had to speak in a certain accent in drama class one time or my family will die… the list goes on, some of these are will me now still. October this year i had a breakdown due to what i now know to be POCD… it got me to the point i didnt want to be here anymore… i finally spoke to my girlfriend about it who did some researching and said it must be OCD, after doing some research of my own it all started clicking and falling into place. I have good days, okay days and rubbish days, my thoughts have calmed down since going on SSRI’s, but they do pop up every now and again, i am questioning myself constantly though due to the thoughts going quiet, ‘is it actually OCD’, ‘what if it isnt’… its driving me insane… so yeah thats a bit about me!!

Jusne

Date posted: 1y

I understand the feeling when someone thinks your just tryna get attention just because you think you might be mentally ill. My mom also said the same exact thing, It kills me inside and leaving me hopeless

MHJ24

Date posted: 1y

@Jusne It was a still is one of the most painful things ive had to go through, led to a lot of emotion hiding and lying about how i feel

Jusne

Date posted: 1y

@MHJ24 yeah. I rmb being on a trip for a wedding with my mom, my brain is about to explode but I still had to keep a bright smile on my face for the gode sake of the wedding, when I finally couldn’t take it anymore and broke down, everyone looked at me weirdly, my mom called me a attention seeking disgrace, she said everyone goes through this, and why am I so emotional acting like I’m special, I had to motives to even answer or argue, I just want to rest in peace for the rest of my life, sometimes I’d think death is the only option, it’s honestly hell.

MHJ24

Date posted: 1y

@Jusne Im really sorry you had to go through that.. nothing worse than when you’re crying for help and you get judged by the person you thought you could get that help from. You will get peace, every day you’re a step closer. Death is not the only option i thought this too, but now i have good days and bad days and i really appreciate the good days and realise what i would have missed out on. Are you seeing a therapist if you dont mind me asking, of course you dont have to share.

Jusne

Date posted: 1y

@MHJ24 tysm, i wish we both the best and Yes, I am. Im having my first session by tommorow. hbu

MHJ24

Date posted: 1y

@Jusne I tried a therapist but she didnt help, im waiting to see the mental health team at the hospital and hopefully i can get one there

Jusne

Date posted: 1y

@MHJ24 its better to see an OCD specialist if you think your symptoms align with OCD.

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